MTB - Chapter 51
Chapter 51: Extra - What Teacher Tang Fears
Yun Yang felt that Tang Yuelou didn't seem to be afraid of anything.
It all started with a recently released horror movie that was getting great reviews online. Yun Yang had been reluctantly dragged to see it by Guan Yan. She considered herself quite brave, but that night, she actually suffered from insomnia in her dorm.
It was finals week of the second semester of her junior year. Because two of her exams were on consecutive days, it was too much trouble to go back and forth, so she decided to stay in the dorm for a night instead of going home. Shen Mengmeng and Zhang Jia were pulling an all-nighter studying in one of the academic buildings, leaving her alone in the dorm. After hanging up with Tang Yuelou, Yun Yang lay in bed, trying her best to fall asleep.
The air conditioner seemed to be set a little too low. She got goosebumps and huddled under the covers with only half her head sticking out. The moment she closed her eyes, her mind conjured the scene where the protagonist wakes up in the middle of the night to find their roommate sitting on the bed, head bowed in a bizarre posture. Then, in the next second, the “roommate” turns their head toward the protagonist—
“Ahhhhhh—”
“Ahhh—”
The sound of the door opening in reality coincided with the sound in her head. Yun Yang shuddered and screamed with her eyes shut. The two screams overlapped. She opened her eyes and found herself staring at Shen Mengmeng, who was cowering in the corner with her hands over her head.
“Yun Yang, wh-wh-what are you screaming for!” Shen Mengmeng was so scared she was on the verge of tears, asking tremulously.
Yun Yang was also trembling a little. “Wh-wh-why are you back!”
“I couldn’t study anymore, so I came back to sleep!”
Yun Yang was speechless.
“What’s wrong with you? Are you okay?”
A twenty-two-year-old adult getting this scared by a horror movie was utterly embarrassing. Yun Yang cleared her throat awkwardly and mumbled an excuse, “Um, I had a nightmare. Yeah, I’m fine.”
Shen Mengmeng, still shaken, patted her chest. “That’s good. You scared me. Can I turn on the light for a second? I’ll turn it off right away.”
After getting an affirmative reply, the dorm light flickered on and then off. In the darkness, Yun Yang could hear the rustling sounds of Shen Mengmeng getting ready for bed. But Shen Mengmeng was exhausted from studying and fell asleep quickly, leaving Yun Yang to stare at the ceiling, sleepless until dawn.
The next day, when she appeared before Tang Yuelou with dark circles under her eyes, the other woman was clearly surprised. She asked half-jokingly, “You only stayed out for one night and you’re already pulling all-nighters? That won’t do.”
“What all-nighter? It was insomnia,” Yun Yang said, yawning as she rested her head on Tang Yuelou’s lap and looked at her phone. Tang Yuelou took the phone from her, placed her hands on her head, and began massaging her temples. “Then don’t look at your phone. Close your eyes and rest for a bit.”
Her technique was a little unpracticed, but it was very gentle and felt wonderful, making Yun Yang even sleepier. Perhaps the aftereffects of the horror movie had mostly worn off after a day, or perhaps it was because Tang Yuelou was here, but for some reason, she wasn’t as scared anymore.
Would Tang Yuelou be scared? The thought suddenly occurred to her.
“Oh, right, a few days ago I watched… no, I heard about a pretty good horror movie.” At this thought, Yun Yang shot up, suddenly energized. “Everyone’s on break anyway, want to watch it?”
She shot up so suddenly that she knocked Tang Yuelou’s hand away. Tang Yuelou paused for a moment, surprised. “A horror movie?”
“Let’s watch it,” Yun Yang wheedled, shaking her arm.
Having been asked like that, how could Tang Yuelou refuse? So Yun Yang, delighted, turned on the projector, eagerly anticipating the moment Teacher Tang would get scared and throw herself into her arms.
However, the imagined scene of “Teacher Tang getting scared and throwing herself into her arms” never happened. The two of them sat side by side, the atmosphere as calm as still water. It wasn’t until the final, meaningful shot hinting at a sequel ended and the credits began to roll that Tang Yuelou hesitated for a moment, holding the remote, and sought her opinion: “It’s over.”
“…Yeah,” Yun Yang ground her teeth. “It’s over.”
After that, she still didn’t give up. She scoured movie lists and picked out a dozen critically acclaimed horror films. Taking advantage of the holiday when they were both free, she dragged Tang Yuelou through all of them. She herself had evolved from being too scared to open her eyes to being completely numb, yet Tang Yuelou showed no reaction at all. Her biggest reaction was to perform a perfunctory scream at Yun Yang’s request.
—The key point was that after she screamed, Yun Yang was actually amused.
The protagonists in the movie screamed one after another, and for some reason, the more Yun Yang listened, the funnier she found it, until Tang Yuelou couldn’t take it anymore and turned off the projector.
After that, every time she watched a horror movie, the screams became a source of amusement for Yun Yang. From then on, she completely gave up on the idea of “scaring Tang Yuelou.”
Several years passed after that, and Yun Yang rarely revisited this memory. But then, the matter of “scaring Tang Yuelou” was miraculously achieved.
After graduating from grad school, she worked on the editorial team of a magazine. At the end of the year, she received a hefty bonus for her outstanding performance. It happened to coincide with Tang Yuelou’s sabbatical. On New Year’s Eve, Yun Yang took her annual leave, combining it with the New Year’s Day holiday, and went on vacation with Tang Yuelou to a small island in the Southern Hemisphere.
The midsummer beach was vibrant and unrestrained. Travelers from all over the world celebrated the new year together, with one bonfire party after another. Since becoming a corporate drone, Yun Yang had almost forgotten what it was like to party and drink all night. She immediately cast aside her worries and threw herself into it, so happy she lost all track of time.
The day before New Year’s, in a small beachside bar playing jazz music, Tang Yuelou politely declined a cocktail offered by a second man, swept her long hair to one side, and ordered a Dry Martini.
Her fingers tapped idly on the base of the stemmed glass, her gaze fixed on the beach not far away. A barbecue party was underway there, and a quick glance revealed a sea of passionate swimsuits and bodies. Yun Yang was among them, oblivious to the sun-protective cover-up that had slipped off one shoulder, holding a bottle of orange juice and bouncing to the music in the crowd.
It seemed she had finished her drink. She said something to her companions and started walking over alone. Tang Yuelou shifted her position. She watched as Yun Yang took only a few steps out of the crowd before an Asian girl jogged up to her. The two exchanged a few words, and Yun Yang put an arm around the girl’s shoulders, laughing so hard she swayed.
The girl was very young, seemingly around Yun Yang’s age, perhaps even a few years younger. She wore a short skirt and a crop top, and her smile had a certain gentleness to it.
Tang Yuelou frowned slightly, her eyes dropping to the condensation on the outside of her glass.
“This is the liveliest time on the beach,” the bartender, who spoke English with a thick local accent, struck up a conversation with her while polishing a glass. The bar wasn’t crowded. “The beach, the sun, the parties—that’s the passion of this place.”
Tang Yuelou was a bit distracted. She gave him a perfunctory smile and said nothing.
Just then, Yun Yang came in from outside and spotted her staring into space at the bar. “Teacher, come join the fun! What’s the point of being at the beach if you don’t go in the water?”
“Just now, Yu Liang said… oh, I haven’t introduced you to her yet. I just met a couple of girls, and they’re staying pretty close to us. One of them, with the surname Ye, teaches in the Chinese Department at S University. You’re in the same field, maybe you’ve even met.” It was clear Yun Yang was in high spirits. She chattered on, introducing the new friends she’d made, and sidled up to hook her arm, snatching the drink from her hand.
Teacher Tang could hold her liquor well but didn’t drink often. Yun Yang, on the other hand, drank frequently but couldn’t handle her drink. The sharp taste of the martini assaulted her taste buds, and she immediately switched to a glass of lemonade to recover. But as they stood close together, the contrast in their skin tones made Yun Yang cry out in alarm. “Why do I feel like I’ve gotten a tan! This sunscreen is supposed to prevent tanning, but it doesn’t work as well as they said online…”
“It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about that. Besides, you’re beautiful like this, too.”
A compliment—Yun Yang instantly tensed up.
Tang Yuelou was very good at coaxing people; she knew that better than anyone. But there was a world of difference between Teacher Tang’s “carefully crafted sweet nothings” and a perfunctory compliment. Her gaze hadn’t even lingered on her for more than ten seconds, so how could she have drawn any conclusion?
“Teacher Tang?” Yun Yang waved a hand in front of her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Tang Yuelou pulled up the off-the-shoulder neckline of her cover-up. “You finally have a long vacation. Go have fun, just don’t get sunburned.”
Yun Yang tugged at her collar, half-doubting. She wanted to ask more, but someone on the beach was waving and calling to her. She answered, grabbed the drinks her friends had asked her to bring, said goodbye, and jogged back.
“Who is she?” the bartender asked curiously, his gaze following Tang Yuelou’s to Yun Yang’s retreating back. He didn’t hold back his praise. “A very beautiful girl.”
“She is my love,” Tang Yuelou replied.
She is my love.
“How long have we been together?”
That night, she asked, hugging Yun Yang’s waist from behind.
“You can’t be serious,” Yun Yang said, rolling over. She sounded incredulous. “If you’ve forgotten even that, you can get out right now.”
“I haven’t forgotten.” Tang Yuelou’s arms around her waist slowly tightened. She buried her face in the crook of Yun Yang’s neck and said, “Seven years, two months, and four days.”
“In ten minutes, it will be seven years, two months, and five days.”
Her hair, carrying a faint fragrance, brushed softly against her, making Yun Yang’s heart tremble slightly.
But Tang Yuelou just held her like that, without speaking or moving. Her soft lips brushed against her neck, a ticklish sensation spreading from her skin to the bottom of her heart.
“Don’t do that…”
She had been busy with work before the vacation and then dealing with jet lag after arriving. All in all, they hadn’t been intimate for a week. Even if Tang Yuelou just lay next to her and did nothing, Yun Yang couldn’t stand it. She reached back to play with her hair. Something was definitely off. She had felt that Tang Yuelou was listless since the afternoon. She’d been brushed off at the time and hadn’t thought much of it, but now it felt more and more strange—
They had traveled before, and she’d never seen her have trouble adjusting to a new environment.
Could it be that she hadn’t gotten over the jet lag, or had gotten too much sun?
It couldn’t be… Yun Yang let her hold her, quickly running through her own actions over the past few days in her mind. Suddenly, it was like a lightbulb went off, and she understood.
“Oh—I get it. Our Teacher Tang is jealous.” Yun Yang was amused. She leaned in to kiss her, starting from her lips and restlessly moving down to the half-hidden collarbone. Tang Yuelou held her hands to stop her from getting too handsy, so Yun Yang used her mouth instead, nibbling on her ear. “Teacher Tang, if you’re jealous, just say so. What did I do to make you jealous? How jealous are you? And, how do you want me to ‘apologize’…”
“It’s not jealousy, Yangyang,” Tang Yuelou sighed softly. “I was scared.”
Yun Yang choked.
“…What?”
“The first time I saw you, you were just like you were today.”
Bright, carefree, every strand of your hair radiating a light called vitality, intertwined with the summer sun—no one could help but be drawn to you.
“But I’m not good enough.”
Nine years. While not a huge gap by modern standards, it was almost enough to span a generation. Their life experiences, aesthetics, and values could be separated by a vast chasm. And she would grow old before Yun Yang. Perhaps one day, the qualities that had attracted Yun Yang to her would disappear, while Yun Yang would only become more mature, more outstanding… Tang Yuelou had always believed she had long since learned to let go of many things and wouldn’t seek so-called “security” from a partner. But when you truly meet someone you love, no one is immune to feeling inadequate.
Listening to her slowly dissect the trace of melancholy and fear in her heart, Yun Yang fell silent.
“I need to apologize to you now,” Tang Yuelou sighed softly, seeing her looking down without a word. “Because I have no right to stop you from falling in love with someone else.”
In the dim light, her lips parted and closed, each word making Yun Yang’s heart soften a little more. “You’re drunk.”
“I’m not.”
She was clearly drunk, muddled by the alcohol. At such a close distance, Yun Yang gazed into her eyes. The intoxication made them even more tender, like water. Inside them, apart from a hazy shimmer, there was only Yun Yang herself.
What Tang Yuelou was thinking now was exactly what Yun Yang had worried about in the first few years of their relationship. Back then, she was just a student with an uncertain future, whose most valuable assets were her youth and ideals. Tang Yuelou, however, was in the prime of her life—she was just one step away from what the world called success, possessing a unique charm honed by experience, as well as a youthfulness that had not yet faded. She was free-spirited, at ease, and riding a wave of success.
Once, on a whim, she had asked Tang Yuelou what exactly she liked about her. The other woman hadn’t even hesitated, solemnly taking her hand and giving her a serious, half-hour-long answer. Yun Yang had been moved beyond words, but she hadn’t forgotten the original source of her anxiety. She asked, what if she changed in the future?
Tang Yuelou thought for a moment and said, “Then I think my orientation would probably change along with you.”
Someone as perceptive as Tang Yuelou, how could she not have seen her worries? Back then, if Tang Yuelou had deliberately approached her just for fun, going through all the motions, she probably would have dived headfirst into what she believed was love without a second thought.
But Tang Yuelou didn’t do that. They had weathered the three-year pain and the seven-year itch. By the time Yun Yang reached the age Tang Yuelou had been back then, she was proving with her actions that her words had not been empty.
It was only then that Yun Yang would think, with some trepidation, that although people say “to love someone is to love all of them,” to be loved for so long, she must have some irreplaceable spark of her own.
But perhaps this thing called “love” makes one have double standards. One set of standards for oneself, and a completely different one for a lover that doesn’t apply. She simply loved everything about Tang Yuelou—every strand of her hair, every inch of her skin, the way her temper had mellowed and grown more peaceful over the quiet years. Every part of her was a shining point, fitting together perfectly like building blocks to create this unique person, her love.
“What are you thinking about? Can you tell me?”
Yun Yang lifted her left hand, pressing their palms together. The two rings refracted the warm light. With her other hand, she pointed to the ring she had been wearing for what would be, in five minutes, seven years, two months, and five days. “What is this?” she asked.
Although she didn’t understand what she was getting at, Tang Yuelou answered, “A ring.”
“Wrong.” Yun Yang drew an ‘X’ in the air. “It’s love and possession.”
“You know it’s engraved with your name, so you should know you have this right. The right called ‘possessiveness’.”
People discuss love and possession, they explore love itself, saying “love represents freedom” or “love is self-sacrifice.” But possessiveness itself doesn’t seem to make love ugly—I willingly put on the shackles named ‘you’, and in doing so, grant myself the right to be trusted and loved.
Tang Yuelou was taken aback.
“Teacher Tang has lived for so many years, but you still have your foolish moments.” Yun Yang snuggled into her embrace. “If you want to say ‘I love you,’ just say it. It’s not like I haven’t heard it before.”
Making someone jealous means you’re angry at them. But when she got jealous, she got angry at herself. Yun Yang’s heart melted completely, a mix of being moved and feeling heartache. I’m the one who should be having trouble with jet lag and the sun.
Tang Yuelou rested her chin on the top of her head, stroking her soft, long hair again and again. Out of Yun Yang’s line of sight, her eyes flickered slightly. “Yangyang.”
“Hm?”
“Thank you.”
—Your appearance, your existence, are both gifts to me.
Yun Yang looked up from her embrace. “I don’t want to hear those two words.”
“Alright.” Tang Yuelou captured her hand, lacing their fingers together. “I love you,” she said.
Gentle and solemn, just like the first time she had said those words to Yun Yang.
“Not those three words either.”
A hint of a smile appeared in Tang Yuelou’s eyes. “Then what is it?”
Yun Yang wrapped her arms around her neck and pulled her down, pressing against her lips, meeting their mingled breaths, and whispered, “I want you.”
Fireworks bloomed outside the window, petals of light raining down. The party on the beach reached its peak at that moment—the first second of the new year. Everything was passionate and beautiful.
Just like every moment to come.
“Happy New Year.”
“I love you, too.”
【Yangyang's Little Theater】
The next day, Yun Yang recalled her behavior of ignoring Tang Yuelou the day before. Internally, she was like: I was such an asshole yesterday.
N years later, Yun Yang recalled her behavior of ignoring Tang Yuelou n years ago. Internally, she was like: I was such an asshole back then.
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