MTB - Chapter 40

Chapter 40: Come Love Me

As the atmosphere cooled, Yun Yang began to feel the absurdity of the scene. One of them was stark naked, the other fully dressed—hardly an appropriate situation for this kind of conversation. She tugged on Tang Yuelou’s sleeve, trying to find a trace of any emotion related to “surprise” in her eyes, but Tang Yuelou didn’t look up at her.

This woman had always been skilled at hiding her feelings. Yun Yang once thought that even if she were furious to the point of losing her mind, she could still sit down out of reflex, feign composure, and calmly have tea with someone. But for that very reason, even the slightest hint of helplessness from her was exceptionally obvious. It was as if she didn’t grasp the weight of Yun Yang’s words, a rare bewilderment flickering in her eyes for a moment.

No one spoke. Yun Yang could almost hear the beating of the heart in her chest—or perhaps it was her own, thumping, thumping, growing more violent in the silent air.

“Yangyang,” Tang Yuelou said after what felt like an eternity. “You don’t really need to make this kind of promise.”

Her voice was a little hoarse, as if she were suppressing some emotion. Yun Yang pressed on relentlessly, “But relationships need promises.”

“I thought you understood me.”

Even in this situation, Tang Yuelou managed to maintain her considerate nature. She draped a coat over Yun Yang first before getting up from the floor. She slowly sat down on the sofa and reached for the glass of water, which was now completely cold.

The glass was right at the edge of the coffee table, yet she seemed distracted, fumbling for it several times before her fingers found it. Yun Yang watched with a cool gaze, not saying a word, waiting for her to continue.

Tang Yuelou slowly rubbed the side of the glass. She mulled it over for a moment before saying, “I don’t know what Ouyang Jun told you, but it seems you know about my past.”

Yun Yang said, “So what if I know?”

“Don’t you feel like you want to stay away from me?” Tang Yuelou let out a short laugh. “I remember telling you before that my understanding of ‘love’ deviates somewhat from a normal person’s. I’ve seen the fantasies many people have about love, which include deception, calculation, and self-indulgent sentimentality. Since this emotion is inherently impure, why must one be so attached to an illusion?”

“If the ‘normal person’ you’re referring to is your mother, then I think that’s a deeply unfair statement.” Yun Yang didn’t let her get sidetracked and refuted her directly. “To us normal people, something built on calculation isn’t called love in the first place.”

For once, Tang Yuelou was caught in her logic. She opened her mouth but couldn’t find a response for a long time. She frowned slightly, and though her expression wasn’t pleasant, she still tried to ease the tension. “We don’t have to make this topic so heavy. We both need time…”

“See, you’re trying to change the subject again. No initiative, no responsibility, no rejection. How can you be such a bastard?” Yun Yang was all too familiar with this tone. She knew that if she didn’t make things clear right now, by tomorrow this would become another topic they tacitly avoided. Then, they would wait until one of them grew tired of this ambiguous relationship and they would naturally go their separate ways—just a fleeting affair. No one would grieve over losing someone inconsequential.

Yun Yang couldn’t understand it for the life of her. How could this person be so resolute?

“You’re so heartless, Tang Yuelou,” she concluded.

“Get some sleep.” Tang Yuelou picked up her glass and started walking toward the bedroom, tacitly accepting the “compliment.” Her temples were throbbing, and she felt an inexplicable sense of vexation.

“I’ll say one last thing, and then I’ll leave immediately.” Yun Yang snatched the glass from her hand and slammed it on the coffee table with a thud. “If you don’t want to accept, you can reject me directly. Don’t try to save face for me… and don’t leave any room for yourself. Let’s just end it like this.”

The sudden pull made Tang Yuelou stumble, knocking over the glass on the table. The cold water dripped from the glass tabletop as the cup rolled a few times before falling onto the carpet with a soft, muffled sound.

“You’re scared, Teacher Tang.”

As if flustered at having her thoughts exposed, she felt her heart tremble along with that quiet thud. The cold water she had drunk seemed to flow through her limbs with her blood. She stared fixedly into Yun Yang’s eyes, taking several seconds to find her voice. “I’m not…”

“Not what? To put it nicely, you want to leave room for both of us to have regrets later. To put it bluntly, you’re just being overly cautious and don’t dare to admit it, right? But why should I have to keep liking you?” Yun Yang took a step forward, grabbing her by the collar and demanding with a cold smile, “Why are you so confident in yourself, Teacher Tang? If I stop liking you one day, wouldn’t that just further prove the validity of your absurd theory? Your logic is so perfectly self-contained!”

Tang Yuelou seemed stunned by this line of reasoning and didn’t respond for a long while. Yun Yang had been speaking in the heat of the moment. Now that she had calmed down, she felt that although she had the upper hand tonight, she had been a bit brazen. But she was too proud to back down now, so she released Tang Yuelou’s collar and scoffed, “Think about it yourself.”

She hadn’t used much force, but Tang Yuelou seemed unsteady on her feet. She took two steps back, grabbing onto the coat rack for support before collapsing onto the sofa.

No matter how agitated she was, Yun Yang could now see that something was wrong. She froze, recalling some of the details from the evening: the abnormal temperature of her hand, the clear discomfort when she was holding her forehead—and, Tang Yuelou hadn’t even given her a single kiss tonight.

Yun Yang pressed the back of her hand against Tang Yuelou’s forehead. The heat was frightening.

“You… you…” She was both angry and anxious, stomping her foot in utter speechlessness. “Are you insane? You’re in this state and you didn’t say anything? You could even manage to give me a beating. I give up, you absolute idiot. Get back to the bedroom and lie down! Let the fever burn you up, for all I care!”

Despite her words, she didn’t even bother to put on her slippers. Wearing only a coat, she ran back to the bedroom and began rummaging through drawers for fever medicine. Even though she’d just been thoroughly chewed out, watching that frantic figure somehow magically calmed the turbulent emotions from before. Tang Yuelou didn’t move from the sofa. Amid her exhaustion, she felt an unexpected sense of peace.

She remembered her mother’s final days, how the cage woven by a lover, named “love,” had slowly turned a gentle, bright person into someone gloomy and hysterical. Promises… promises. If you know the future is full of uncertainty and you most likely can’t deliver, why hurt yourself and others?

But why not give it a try? a sudden thought occurred to her.

When Yun Yang came out with the medicine and saw her motionless on the sofa, she clicked her tongue in exasperation. “Go lie down yourself. Are you expecting me to carry you back? You’re a grown adult and you don’t know how to take care of yourself? Standing outside in the snow for half a day, were you role-playing as an ice sculpture?”

It was probably the first time in her life that Teacher Tang had been shown such blatant disdain. She was stunned for a moment, unsure how to react, and could only do as she was told and go lie down in the bedroom. Yun Yang had little experience caring for the sick and was a bit flustered. It had taken her ages just to find the fever reducer. She mimicked what she remembered of Tang Yuelou caring for her, pouring a glass of water and then rummaging around again for a thermometer.

“It’s in the first-aid box,” Tang Yuelou reminded her. “With the fever medicine.”

“I know.” She returned with a stern face, handing her the medicine and water. “Take it.”

“Okay… Hiss.” Tang Yuelou pulled the glass away as soon as it touched her lips. “Yangyang, the water is very hot.”

Yun Yang was speechless.

“That’s because you have a fever. Your sense of temperature is off,” she argued stubbornly, turning back to add some cool water before bringing it over again.

Tang Yuelou couldn’t help but smile.

“I don’t see what’s so funny.” Yun Yang frowned, holding the thermometer up to the light. “Thirty-eight point five… Damn, you’re really something. Burning up like this and acting like nothing’s wrong.”

“I’m fine. I’ll be better after some sleep.” Tang Yuelou took her hand and closed her eyes, patting the back of it reassuringly.

“I’m going to tidy up the living room. Let go of my hand.”

“Don’t go, please?”

“…Alright.”

Yun Yang sat on the edge of the bed, feeling Tang Yuelou’s fingers stroking the curve of her own, now and then. She wanted to pull her hand back to change position, but Tang Yuelou tightened her grip slightly on her wrist and opened her eyes. “Yangyang?”

“I’m not going anywhere. You get some rest.” Yun Yang found the scene rather endearing.

In front of others, Tang Yuelou always seemed to handle everything with ease. But perhaps because her illness had lowered her psychological defenses, having her ‘painted skin’ torn away all at once tonight made her seem much more clingy. For instance, these unconscious yet intimate little gestures would occasionally peek out from beneath the placid surface of a lake, feeling both novel and delightful.

“The scar on my shoulder is from my mother. She burned me,” Tang Yuelou said suddenly.

Yun Yang froze.

“She had postpartum depression and developed severe bipolar disorder. I was four at the time, drawing in my room. She came in with a teapot of boiling water to pour a drink, and she suddenly had an episode. She wanted to kill me. The nanny at home reacted very quickly and snatched me away.”

Tang Yuelou’s voice was as light as a sigh, as if she were lost in memory, her gaze distant and ethereal.

“She was once a brilliant artist and an impractical dreamer. And Tang Ruitian—my father—was a shameless scoundrel blinded by greed and arrogance. He coveted my mother’s family fortune and power, and he did everything he could to make her fall in love with him. After he got his hands on my maternal grandfather’s assets, he finally showed his true colors.”

At this, Tang Yuelou smiled. “But if it weren’t for me, she would have divorced Tang Ruitian. I ruined her life.”

Yun Yang could understand her pain.

She remembered the rainy night from her childhood dream, her mother’s weeping in her ear, the countless arguments… She tightened her grip on Tang Yuelou’s hand and remained silent for a long time before saying, “Countless people have probably told you this, but it wasn’t your fault.”

“It’s like you said—life is so long. If you’re willing, there will always be other things to fill the voids.”

Tang Yuelou said, “I’m not trying to get your pity.”

“What?” Yun Yang raised an eyebrow. “So I’m not allowed to feel sorry for you? You’re really picky.”

“Mm,” Tang Yuelou said, wrapping Yun Yang’s arm in her embrace. “Then don’t pity me. Come love me.”

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