BSS - Chapter 98

Chapter 98

"I'm not…"

Facing Xu Wei's approaching face, Deng Chuan was uncharacteristically at a loss for words. But the gaze she met was so gentle that her anxious heart calmed down without her realizing it. She took a deep breath and explained, "I don't think we did anything wrong, and I'm not scared."

Xu Wei watched her quietly.

The little friend's tone was stubborn. "I know that things need to be done at the right time. But if we have to use some excuse to cover up our relationship just because the time isn't right, even if we only reveal a small part, I would feel it's a desecration of you."

Xu Wei remained silent.

It was afternoon, and the hotel's old-fashioned decor made the indoor sunlight gentler than it was outside. Deng Chuan wore a simple brown jacket, its loose fit nonetheless outlining her tall and straight figure. She had a knack for this; in the sunlight, the dark color made her skin look very fair, making her appear even younger than usual. Her eyes were dark and bright, a small flame seeming to burn in their depths. Xu Wei had always felt there was something exceptionally simple and pure in Deng Chuan's gaze, as smooth as a filed nail. Under this gaze, Xu Wei couldn't help but move closer, as if to more clearly hear Deng Chuan's heartbeat, to hear whether these solemn words she spoke came from the heart or were just pretense.

So she hugged her tightly.

Deng Chuan was held in Xu Wei's embrace. At this moment, she was still vexed, overthinking her performance on the phone. She wanted so badly to do well. She thought single-mindedly that she should have handled it better, whether by hiding it or being honest.

Lately, Deng Chuan had been caught in a kind of clumsy ambition from which she couldn't extricate herself. She wanted to grow up, to grow up faster. Love and a sense of responsibility became an impetus, making her unwilling to wait any longer, unwilling to let Xu Wei clean up the mess again. Every action and expression from Xu Wei gave her a more direct view of the gap between an adult and herself, like a slap across the face that shattered all her complacent pursuits.

How could this be? Deng Chuan thought, both annoyed and discouraged. She had clearly been hardworking and confident enough, thinking she could finally stand by Xu Wei's side and shelter her from the wind and rain.

Ultimately, all her efforts were for this one small wish.

Although she and Xu Wei were both girls, and there was no need to compare who gave more in a relationship, Deng Chuan harbored a bit of fiery passion and stubbornly felt that being protected by Xu Wei and protecting Xu Wei were, after all, two different things.

On that birthday night when Xu Wei had confessed everything, it was Xu Wei who had planted this tiny flame in her eyes. Amidst Xu Wei's peaceful sleep and her own tears, Deng Chuan had made a vow. All she thought of, all she sought, was just this one small wish.

But now, Deng Chuan heard herself say dejectedly, "I'm sorry."

Xu Wei gently patted the little friend's head.

She heard the little friend murmuring an explanation for her apology. "It's something we'll have to face eventually. If we choose to hide it now, won't it be harder for you later… I don't want that. If possible, I hope I can be the only one to face it."

"You're so good, you deserve everyone's love. I don't think what's between us is wrong, but other people don't see it that way. I don't want you to hear the things they say, and I can't think of any good solution. I'm so stupid…" The little friend's voice was full of disappointment. "I'd rather you didn't know anything and just let me face it alone."

A smile touched the corners of Xu Wei's lips. Deng Chuan's words were so naive, but it was precisely because they came from her, and precisely because of that naivety, that they seemed so precious. So Xu Wei spoke her denial and her lesson slowly, with great patience. "That's not right."

She shook her head slightly and leaned on Deng Chuan's thin shoulder. It wasn't a broad shoulder, but every time Xu Wei leaned on it, she felt completely content. "Not everyone has to love me. I have nothing; I only need your love. Deng Chuan, you have to remember, some protection isn't just about minimizing the damage. That sentiment is certainly valuable, but the world is much more realistic and cruel than you imagine. So, the most important thing, no matter what, is to have the courage to face it together."

"Our hearts are the same. You want to protect me, and I want to protect you. You're still young, and you'll face a much wider world in the future. I can only hold onto you in the present and tell you some things that you'll understand later…"

Seeing that Deng Chuan seemed about to object, Xu Wei skillfully brought the topic back. "Deng Chuan, I don't mean anything else by this. I just want to say that I've always been an impatient person, but for things I'm set on, I will do my absolute best in my part. So, the fact that I'm with you means I'm already prepared to face everything the future holds. You don't need to worry about me."

"More than protecting me, I want you to stand by my side."

Deng Chuan lowered her gaze to meet Xu Wei's eyes.

It was hard to tell who was more moved. In Deng Chuan's eyes, Xu Wei's seemed to shimmer with a watery light—perhaps it was tears, perhaps a reflection. But Deng Chuan preferred to interpret it as a kind of resonance. As the watery light swirled, Deng Chuan felt as if she had sunk into a gently flowing river. The current brushed past her, and a slight itch on her skin reminded her: she was loved by her, and she loved her.

"I will," she heard herself say.

I will stand with you, and I will become stronger.

Deng Chuan thought that she wouldn't give up on the idea of protecting Xu Wei, just as she wouldn't give up on loving her. But she was also more willing to become more tactful, more patient, to allow herself a longer period of growth, until she could truly achieve the future she desired.

Unaware of what was on Deng Chuan's mind, Xu Wei felt genuinely tired after their talk. It wasn't an ordinary fatigue, but an exhaustion that stemmed from within after an emotional fluctuation. Her heart felt a bit empty, but thankfully, Deng Chuan was there. Xu Wei sighed softly, wrapped her arms around Deng Chuan's neck, moved closer, and said in a low voice, "I'm so sleepy. Don't dwell on it too much. Let's just go to sleep, okay?"

Deng Chuan pressed her forehead against hers and nodded.

And so, the two of them took a long afternoon nap. The quality of sleep was better than Deng Chuan had expected. When she woke up, the sky was already half-dark. Deng Chuan asked Xu Wei what she wanted for dinner. Xu Wei hugged her, lazily silent for a good while before finally saying, "I want to eat barbecue."

Perhaps because she had just woken up, Xu Wei was uncharacteristically petulant, her tone carrying a hint of coquettishness. "But I don't want to move. You grill it for me."

Deng Chuan readily agreed. The two efficiently got up and changed their clothes. As Xu Wei unbuttoned her pajamas, something occurred to her, and she became a little reluctant again. "But barbecue makes your clothes smell… I don't like it."

Deng Chuan, amused, reached out to touch her face. Xu Wei let her, showing no reaction. The warmth of her face made Deng Chuan's palm feel toasty. "You can sit a little farther away so the smoke doesn't get on you. Then you won't smell."

"Mm." Xu Wei slipped off her pajamas, revealing shoulders as white and clear as jade. Her tone was still slow. "You're right."

They found a Korean barbecue restaurant nearby, ordered a set meal for two, and added a bowl of cold noodles. With the complimentary side dishes and steamed egg, the table was filled to the brim.

Looking at the table full of small plates and bowls, Xu Wei leaned close to Deng Chuan's ear and joked softly, "It must be a pain for the kitchen staff to wash all these dishes."

The meat sizzled on the grill. Deng Chuan helped Xu Wei mix her cold noodles and placed the egg in her bowl. "Yes, yes, now eat up. You're starving."

"I think I'm still a little groggy from sleep. My brain isn't working right," Xu Wei said honestly, picking up the egg in her bowl but not eating it.

The restaurant's lighting was dim, but the decor was very atmospheric. Small booths separated the tables, so they couldn't hear what other customers were saying.

The cold noodles were the sweet, red broth kind, with kimchi, shredded cucumber, and a few slices of apple soaked within. Xu Wei took a delicate sip of the soup, frowned slightly, not quite used to it, and pushed the bowl aside, waiting eagerly for the meat.

Seeing her wait, Deng Chuan couldn't help but feel a bit anxious too, but the heat was already at its maximum, so their impatience was useless. When the first round of meat was finally cooked, Xu Wei wrapped a piece with lettuce, a slice of garlic, and dipping sauce, and brought it to Deng Chuan's lips first.

Deng Chuan ate it in one big bite. While chewing, she drank some of the cold noodle soup that Xu Wei didn't want.

She wasn't a picky eater. While flipping the second round of meat on the grill, she slurped down the noodles.

It seemed Xu Wei was truly hungry, or perhaps the food was just to her liking. She ate more than usual, and the two even ordered another plate of pork belly. But after the meal, Deng Chuan was, as expected, covered in the smoky smell of barbecue.

Xu Wei complained about the smell, but she held Deng Chuan's hand very tightly. They walked on the street for a while and bought a bag of ice cream bars.

It had snowed heavily the previous night, and the park by the road was lively, filled with the laughter of children. Deng Chuan remembered what the taxi driver had said and led Xu Wei inside.

On the open ground were a few crooked snowmen, and the boisterous noise was from a snowball fight. The two had no intention of joining the children's little battle. They walked away hand in hand, stopping beside a large pine tree whose branches were heavy with thick snow.

Deng Chuan looked at the lively scene around them, then at Xu Wei's face, which looked especially clear and beautiful against the snow. She softened her voice, as if afraid to disturb this beauty. "Should we build a snowman?"

Hearing this, Xu Wei laughed softly, her beautiful eyes crinkling with the smile. "Do you know how?" She seemed to want to be a spectator, putting on a wise, all-knowing look. "Just to be clear, I don't."

To show her determination, Deng Chuan took off her overcoat, startling Xu Wei. The smell of barbecue was flung aside with the coat. "Let's go!"

Even though their skills were poor, there was enough snow on the ground for them to build a not-so-straight snowman. Two spheres, one large and one small, were stacked on top of each other. In her heart, Xu Wei was actually quite disdainful of these not-quite-round spheres. She could draw a perfect circle freehand on a blackboard, but in Harbin, she couldn't make a round snowball. But seeing Deng Chuan's happy smile, revealing her white teeth, Xu Wei couldn't help but smile too.

Her palms were icy cold. The snow cast a hazy veil over everything. Deng Chuan picked up two stones from the ground to make the snowman's dusty eyes. The smile below the eyes was drawn, her finger tracing a happy curve.

At last, it was done! Deng Chuan turned to call Xu Wei over to look, her smile bright, the spirit in her expression almost flying out.

The next second, with the click of Xu Wei's camera shutter, this moment of pure joy was captured forever.

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