BSS - Chapter 106
Chapter 106
After finishing the fish slice porridge, Xu Wei led Deng Chuan on a slow walk back along the streets of the old town. They had been traveling for about a week now. The kid had been eating and drinking along with her the whole way, consuming more than twice as much as she did, yet she remained as thin as ever, not having gained any weight at all.
This kid is so hard to raise. Thinking this, Xu Wei tightened her hand and said as much to Deng Chuan. But Deng Chuan just laughed. "Isn't that a good thing? When I really do get fat, think of the sense of accomplishment you'll have."
Xu Wei said, "I'm afraid that after all my hard work fattening you up, you'll just go out and lose it all again."
As she said this, Deng Chuan took Xu Wei's hand and rubbed it against her own cheek. She tilted her head to look at her, her eyes filled with a smile. "I have gotten fatter. Here, feel."
Xu Wei touched Deng Chuan's still slightly cold face. Her fingertips paused instinctively, but she played along and gave it a pinch. "Where? Where's the meat I fed you?"
"Here." Deng Chuan guided Xu Wei's hand, touching her own cheek, then moving it down to her chin. "Here." Finally, it landed on her neck. "And here. It's all yours."
Once again, Xu Wei felt the coolness of Deng Chuan's skin. In the winter air, this chill seemed to hold an extra bit of warmth. The further down she went, the more apparent the body heat from within her clothes became. Thus, this chill, tinged with body heat, became exceptionally subtle. This subtlety was like a small feather floating down into Xu Wei's palm.
Xu Wei smiled lightly. "It's all mine, so what do you have for yourself?"
The kid immediately replied, "I have you."
They both laughed at this. Xu Wei frowned in mock disapproval as she laughed, reaching out to pat Deng Chuan's arm. "Don't say things like that anymore."
At the side of the road was a small stall selling Licorice Fruit. It was a small cart enclosed in glass on all four sides. Various kinds of sliced fruit, glistening with water, were displayed in individual metal basins, creating a dazzling visual effect. The light was pink, and set against the ink-green banyan trees and damp streets in the background, the color palette seemed as deep as the night.
A few electric scooters, with riders both old and young, were gathered around the stall to buy fruit. Xu Wei saw it, shook the kid's hand, and asked her, "Didn't you like it yesterday? Do you want some now?"
The kid licked her lips and shook her head. "We'll see on the way back."
They were now going to walk down this street to the riverside for a stroll. Xu Wei had said there was a great night view and a light show there, but since she rarely came home, she wasn't very clear on the specifics.
The traffic light at the intersection was green. A huge crowd of people and vehicles swarmed across the crosswalk. Electric scooters were a common mode of transport in the area. Students, tourists, and even families of three with a child drove past them, moving quite fast, which prompted Deng Chuan to vigilantly tighten her grip on Xu Wei's hand.
This scene was incredibly familiar to Xu Wei. Because her home was nearby, she often used this intersection. Since she didn't board at her junior high school, she would walk home from here for dinner after school, and then her father would drive her back for evening self-study. Whether on foot or looking out the car window, the flashing taillights of the traffic would always make her hesitate. Those times were mostly when night was falling, with dusk hanging on the horizon, and the car lights became the only scenery in Xu Wei's eyes.
Whenever the traffic surged, Xu Wei would divert a small part of her mind from her rule-abiding life and wonder, with the innocence befitting her age, what kind of lives the car owners led. Were they just passing through, heading out on a long journey, or going home? When it rained, her father would drive her to and from school. Sitting in the car, she would watch the water droplets meander down the window. In the curtain of rain, the glow of the car lights became even hazier, and they too became part of the stream of traffic.
Those car lights housed Xu Wei's first gaze upon the world.
Later, when Xu Wei went to work in another city, she too drove through intersections in the dark countless times, and would occasionally see students who had just gotten out of school standing at the crosswalk. By then, she no longer had the energy to think about such things. Xu Wei had once convinced herself not to be bound by the past, but she couldn't deny that the past did indeed bind her. Her humid hometown, the bustling streets, the banyan trees, the local accent-the more she tried to erase them, the more forcefully the arms reaching out from the depths of time would grab her, reminding her of which land's daughter she was.
Her unchangeable tastes, her habits, her preferences, the stubbornness and traditionalism deep in her character-they were all inherited from her hometown.
Xu Wei wasn't the type of person to let feelings linger unresolved, but the feelings between people and the feelings between a person and a place were different. Xu Wei could break with her family with grim determination and cut ties cleanly with her exes. To her at that time, relationships between people were so simple: hurt and compensation, tenderness and indifference, good and bad, far and near. It was enough to just choose one side.
But her hometown was different.
Xu Wei admitted to herself that she didn't have the best temper. The gentleness and consideration she showed Deng Chuan stemmed mostly from her fondness for her. But love, as it happened, also made her involuntarily soften, giving Xu Wei a bit more patience for the past and the hometown she wanted to forget. She began to wonder, if she brought Deng Chuan back, would she be able to truly break free from that land?
She also wondered, what would Deng Chuan think when she came to her hometown? Would her feelings be even a little bit similar to her own, having grown up here?
Even the slightest bit would be enough for her to convince herself to leave this place for good.
Deng Chuan's tight grip brought Xu Wei back to her senses. They had already reached the riverside, which was teeming with tourists. Sure enough, colorful beams of light were scattered across the center of the river, rising and falling in sequence with the music.
The two of them stood quietly for a while. Deng Chuan watched quite intently, her expression as serious as the tourists standing beside them.
When a segment ended and the river surface went dark, Deng Chuan let out a breath and turned to look at Xu Wei, smiling. "This show is pretty nice."
Xu Wei didn't reply immediately. She just turned around, and after a long pause, she slowly asked, "What do you think... of my hometown?"
As she asked this, she stared intently into Deng Chuan's eyes, her gaze revealing a rare nervousness.
Deng Chuan turned to look at her too, the familiar strength and warmth radiating from her arm. Xu Wei found something tranquil in Deng Chuan's eyes. She was once again drawn in by this tranquility, and she simply held her breath, waiting quietly.
The river lit up again, beginning to repeat the previous show. Deng Chuan frowned slightly at the familiar music. A dark purple light cast itself on the side of her face, giving her a depth that didn't match her age. "It's great," she said. "This place feels a lot like you, so I like it very much."
Xu Wei was still looking at her, her gaze very soft, mixed with something Deng Chuan couldn't quite understand. She just looked at Deng Chuan like this and said something Deng Chuan didn't understand: "...If only that were true."
"What were true?"
But Xu Wei turned her head away, gazing at the re-illuminated surface of the river, and said no more.
The night wind was desolate. Deng Chuan hugged Xu Wei from behind, silently nuzzling her ear. Xu Wei didn't move, only patting her face reassuringly. After a long while, she said quietly, "I hate it here."
Deng Chuan froze, then heard her continue, "No one hates this place more than I do. You said I'm a lot like this place, and maybe that's true, but I will never forgive this place, so I won't let myself be similar to it. But sometimes I think, if, if those things hadn't happened, I would definitely have been its good daughter... Deng Chuan... do you understand? I hate it here, but I also love it too much..."
She choked up, unable to say another word.
Xu Wei's tears caught Deng Chuan off guard. She hugged her tighter while fumbling in her pants pocket for a tissue, her voice becoming light and soft. "Okay, okay, I understand... Don't cry, don't cry. Let's talk about it slowly, okay?"
Xu Wei just lowered her head and cried, letting Deng Chuan hold her and lift her face to wipe her tears. Deng Chuan's touch was very gentle, and in this gentleness, a long-lost childishness began to surface in Xu Wei. She managed to hold back her tears, pouted, and shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it anymore..."
"Okay. Then we won't talk about it. Shall we go back?"
"No..." Xu Wei sniffled. "I hate my brother too. He's so annoying. He actually said you would deceive me, it's so irritating... And my father... Sometimes I wish they would just die, but other times I feel that, even if we're not in contact, I still hope they're doing well..."
Deng Chuan didn't know how to respond to that. Seeing that no one around was paying attention to them, she lowered her head and kissed the corner of Xu Wei's mouth. "Okay... then let's ignore them. We'll leave tomorrow, okay? I'll take you home. We won't stay here anymore."
"I don't want to go home with you..." As Xu Wei spoke, she felt like crying again. "Not until you graduate, at the very least... Let's talk about this after you graduate..."
"How could I ever deceive you?" Deng Chuan pressed her lips even more intimately against hers. The kid seemed very reliable at this moment. "I love you... Don't mind what they say. I will only ever love you..."
Her actions made Xu Wei come to her senses a little. She pushed her gently. "Move away, don't let people see..."
Xu Wei's mood was a little bleak. Deng Chuan pulled back slightly but still held her tight. "Please don't cry anymore, okay?" Her voice dropped. "It wasn't your fault to begin with. It's all my fault. I'm too young. If only I were a bit older. Don't be upset. Not everything can be perfect... You still have me. I swear, I will treat you well..."
"What if you don't want me anymore in the future?"
"How could that happen?"
But for once, Xu Wei was uncharacteristically persistent. "How can you prove it?"
They looked at each other. Deng Chuan held Xu Wei, and courage rose like the tide in the dark night, allowing her to lean in and kiss her lips in public. In the instant their distance closed, Deng Chuan saw Xu Wei's wide-open eyes. Her eyelashes were still wet, as if the damp vapor from the river had risen up and soaked Deng Chuan's heart.
She kissed her deeply, whispering the words that remained on her lips with extreme gentleness:
"I've kissed you here now. If I ever wrong you in the future, you can sink me to the bottom of this river and let the fish of Chaoshan eat me."
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