BSS - Chapter 39
Chapter 39
It was hot outside, but the air conditioning inside made the temperature pleasant. Deng Chuan leaned in extremely close, her breath feeling all the warmer in the dry, cool air.
A wave of warmth washed over her, landing by her ear with an almost unbearable tickle. Xu Wei's body tensed slightly. Without a word, she placed a hand on Deng Chuan's shoulder, pushing her back a little to create some distance.
"Don't be so close... Move over a little."
Deng Chuan tilted her head, searching for Xu Wei's eyes.
She stared intently at her, ignoring the hand on her shoulder, and leaned in closer again. "Watch a movie?" she asked in a low voice. "Or do you want to play a game? We could play a game..."
Xu Wei could only say, "Sit properly. I'll find a movie for us to watch."
Deng Chuan smiled at her, sitting back contentedly.
She sat on the sofa, watching obediently as Xu Wei fiddled with the projector. The internet hadn't been installed in the new rental yet. After a moment, Xu Wei gave up and turned to her. "Never mind. Let's... find something else to do?"
Deng Chuan beckoned to her. "Come over here."
She was holding a tablet. Xu Wei hesitated for a moment, but still moved closer.
Deng Chuan had movies downloaded on her tablet, which she usually kept for watching on trips. She hadn't expected them to come in handy now.
Seeing that Xu Wei had sat down next to her, their body heat mingling warmly, Deng Chuan couldn't resist inching a little closer. When Xu Wei didn't react, she stopped, deciding to quit while she was ahead, and focused on choosing a movie.
She looked down at the tablet, her head bowed. The collar of her shirt was folded over in the center, dipping low and revealing a hint of the delicate skin below her collarbone.
Her skin had always been fair. Xu Wei looked away, pretending not to see.
Deng Chuan scrolled through the screen. The movies on her cloud drive were a motley collection. She picked one at random and held the tablet between them. Xu Wei took one of the earbuds from Deng Chuan and put it in, and they both leaned back.
Xu Wei didn't pay attention to which movie Deng Chuan had picked. The film opened with an aerial shot of the dense architecture of an ancient capital, giving it the feel of a historical drama. The dialogue was paced very slowly, and the color palette was gentle, as if viewed through a vintage filter.
Xu Wei gradually began to relax. She glanced at the movie's title and asked Deng Chuan, "What year is this from?"
Deng Chuan said, "2001."
Xu Wei nodded.
The room was silent. Though Xu Wei only had an earbud in one ear, the movie's audio was all she could hear. The original Japanese dialogue was very rhythmic, and the score was quiet. Beyond that, there was only the rustle of elaborate garments as the characters moved.
As light and shadow flickered across the screen, Xu Wei's tension slowly melted away. She leaned a little against Deng Chuan's shoulder-a purely subconscious act of relaxation, nothing more.
As the plot unfolded, her attention was fixed on the screen in Deng Chuan's hands. Without realizing it, they had drawn closer and closer. Deng Chuan felt Xu Wei rest her head on her shoulder. She didn't dare move. Gradually, the soft breaths against her shoulder evened out. Deng Chuan glanced down and realized Xu Wei had fallen asleep.
...
She reached out and paused the movie. For a moment, Deng Chuan just watched Xu Wei quietly. She gently tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, her movements light for fear of waking her.
Xu Wei slept peacefully. Deng Chuan smoothed the hair away from her face, allowing her features to be clearly seen in the lamplight-and in Deng Chuan's eyes. Deng Chuan raised a hand to shield her from the light, afraid of disturbing her dreams. With her eyes closed, Xu Wei lacked her usual self-aware beauty, that hint of reserved pride she always carried. Instead, she looked almost innocent. The corners of her closed eyes swept upward slightly, her expression serene. The shadows cast by her lashes seemed to hold the night outside the window, making her look exceptionally captivating.
Worried that her neck would be uncomfortable, Deng Chuan carefully slipped an arm around her. As if in response, Xu Wei, still asleep, relaxed further against her shoulder. The light must have been too bright, because she subconsciously burrowed into the crook of Deng Chuan's neck. Her body, now pressed close, was soft and warm.
With her arm around Xu Wei, Deng Chuan quietly watched the movie. Films always made Deng Chuan think of the beauty of time frozen in place. That beauty now reflected back into reality, and accompanied by the soft breathing on her shoulder, an extraordinary sense of peace settled over her.
The only other sound in the room was the occasional crunch of Zhou Liu eating his kibble. Zhou Liu, having finished patrolling his new territory, curled up on the windowsill to rest, only sneaking out when hunger struck. He would eat for a moment before darting back into hiding, and no one paid him any mind.
Deng Chuan watched the movie, but the solid weight on her shoulder distracted her more than once. Still, her ability to focus had always been good, and she soon lost herself in the story again.
The film was saturated with a Japanese aesthetic of perfect balance-where a touch more would be excessive, and a touch less would be insufficient. Even the sorrow was restrained. This restrained tranquility was like a thin eggshell, possessing the most perfect load-bearing structure.
No matter the absurdity, it was all presented with an air of nonchalance.
Genji, unable to win the love of his stepmother, began to intentionally seek out women who resembled her, all to satisfy a love he could never have.
The movie was two and a half hours long. The progress bar had just reached the halfway point when Xu Wei woke up.
She was still leaning on Deng Chuan's shoulder and didn't move, seemingly a bit groggy from her nap. After a moment, she reached for the other earbud and asked, "How long was I asleep?"
Her voice was low.
Deng Chuan put the earbud in her ear and said soothingly, "Not long. We're only halfway through."
Xu Wei hummed in acknowledgment but still didn't move, her eyes fixed on the screen.
An encounter under a moonlit trellis. The libertine Lord Genji somehow carried himself with an air of noble, refined beauty. He raised a hand to embrace the slender imperial consort, the intricate hem of her gown vanishing behind the closing doors.
The cinematography was not subtle. The woman's soft gasps, her exposed skin as white as moonlight, her slender fingers curling... The ambiguous atmosphere, tinged with the restraint of Japanese aesthetics, arrived right on cue.
Neither of them moved. They watched the scene clearly, yet it didn't feel awkward. More than suggestive, the immediate feeling was one of beauty. This act of love was so brief, as silent as a turning autumn leaf, yet its form was like a bursting firework.
The story continued. One woman after another, as brilliant as summer flowers, passed through Lord Genji's life like fleeting birds, only to dance away again.
The story's conclusion was starkly realistic. A man named for light, yet he was not its incarnation on earth. He was ambitious, vulgar, and mercenary, and he was growing old. He had lived his life in pursuit of a phantom, but phantoms cannot be caught. Beauty is fleeting, and those who chase it will ultimately fall into the very reality they most wish to avoid.
The screen faded to black, and the credits began to roll. Xu Wei had only seen the second half, but the story wasn't complicated. Though Genji's pursuits of different women varied, they were fundamentally repetitive, like an episodic series. She had understood the gist of it.
Xu Wei was long past the age of getting sentimental over love and life. Her rational mindset made it difficult for her to empathize with such stories. At this moment, she was more aware of how comfortable the shoulder she was using as a pillow felt.
The owner of the shoulder hadn't made a sound.
She glanced up at Deng Chuan. The 'Little Friend' was silently staring at the scrolling credits, her eyes dark and heavy, looking deeply affected.
Worried the 'Little Friend' was overthinking things, Xu Wei straightened up slightly and rubbed the shoulder she had been using as a pillow. "Is it sore?" she asked.
Deng Chuan snapped back to reality. Xu Wei was warm against her, her eyes still holding a watery sheen from sleep. Deng Chuan stared at her, saying blankly, "It's not."
Xu Wei looked at her, amused. "What are you spacing out for?" She couldn't help but ask, "What's on your mind?"
Deng Chuan answered honestly, "I was wondering, what exactly is love?"
She said, "Genji's entire life of pursuits stemmed from that initial, unrequited love. If you can't win someone's love, is it worth it to start hysterically sacrificing your own life, treating other people as substitutes?"
She added, "If that's also love, then it's completely different from what I imagined."
Her love was a solitary cultivation, a practice of restraining her heart through their daily companionship. It was a battle with unbearable passion, a struggle that had allowed her to arrive before Xu Wei, reborn.
She looked at Xu Wei, her brow furrowed in distress.
Listening to the 'Little Friend's' long speech, Xu Wei was surprised by her sensitivity. She quickly realized that Deng Chuan was a far more delicate child than she had imagined. She couldn't help but wonder: for a girl like this, how much soul-searching had it taken to arrive at this point? What compromises had her young heart been forced to make to convince itself?
Falling in love with her teacher-was it really as simple and natural as it seemed on the surface?
The path of growing up is full of unpredictable forks in the road. As a teacher, Xu Wei had seen too many students take the wrong turn during their adolescence. And yet, Deng Chuan had, until now, always walked the right path.
Xu Wei suddenly had a strong urge to reach out and hug her.
"Deng Chuan." She heard herself say, "That's not love."
Her fingers brushed intimately over Deng Chuan's brow. "From a psychological perspective, love includes passion, intimacy, and commitment. You can't lack any of them. We Chinese often speak of sex, affection, and loyalty as a trinity-it's the same principle. I think love, like life, is a process of alternating between restraint and release. If you only ever release, you'll lose yourself in obsession."
"When you love someone, of course you want to become a better person, to gain more chips for yourself. That's the process of restraint. But love can never replace your life, and it certainly isn't all of it. Do you understand?"
Xu Wei looked up gently, gazing into Deng Chuan's luminous eyes.
She trembled slightly before that gaze. Deng Chuan's luminous eyes were like a deep, clear mirror-too honest. Reflected in them was her own face, making Xu Wei instantly realize an unavoidable truth: she and Deng Chuan stood on opposite sides of that mirror, sharing the same love and endurance, the same passion and restraint.
Deng Chuan reached out and hugged her, wrapping her arms tightly around Xu Wei's slender waist. Like a dejected puppy, she buried her face in the crook of Xu Wei's neck and inhaled deeply.
Her voice was muffled. "I understand."
Then she added, "But I love you. Xu Wei, I don't want to hold back anymore."
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