TIMO - Chapter 91
Chapter 91
Shi Nan's friend, it seemed, didn't come to their wedding.
Fu Zhao could see that Shi Nan was a little disappointed, but she also knew Shi Nan was trying hard to suppress her disappointment. She didn't let it show, instead smiling brightly as she listened to Ye Er and Jiang Wenqing sing a song of blessing.
Fu Zhao could see it, but she couldn't say anything.
The duet concluded, full of emotion that resonated with many people present. It brought a warmth to Fu Zhao's eyes and nearly moved the singers, Jiang Wenqing and Ye Er, to tears.
It also gave Shi Nan an opportunity to cry.
Glistening teardrops hung on her long, slender eyelashes. As the final note of the song faded, her lashes trembled, and the teardrops fell, silently trickling down her cheeks one by one, like pearls from a broken string.
It looked as if she was simply moved to tears by Jiang Wenqing and Ye Er's singing.
But it seemed these tears also held a hint of sorrow.
What was Shi Nan so sad about?
Was it just because of the friend who hadn't come?
Fu Zhao didn't know for sure, yet she felt an immense sense of empathy.
It was as if the tears fell with a surging heat onto Fu Zhao's aching heart, causing a fine, dense pain to spread through her chest.
She gently wrapped an arm around Shi Nan's shoulder. After a moment of silence and consideration, she finally asked,
"What's wrong?"
"Are you moved... or is it something else?"
Shi Nan shook her head, then tilted it back slightly. The wind gently lifted her bangs into a lovely arc. The tears in her eyes shimmered but slowly receded.
"I just suddenly felt that after going through so much, we've finally reached a perfect conclusion. Seeing everyone we know bless us one by one... I was touched, that's all."
"It's like a dream, a little unbelievable."
"So that's it..." Fu Zhao said softly, taking Shi Nan's hand. She interlaced their fingers, their hands fitting together perfectly without a single gap.
"It's okay. In the future, many things will happen that will make you feel this is real."
"I'll always be with you."
Just like the many times Shi Nan had cried before, Fu Zhao gently stroked her back, patting it lightly to express her most empathetic comfort.
"Mm," Shi Nan responded softly. She lowered her tilted head, resting it in the crook of Fu Zhao's shoulder and wrapping her arms around her. Her words carried a slight nasal tone.
"Tonight, at the fireworks display, let's go release Kongming lanterns."
"You... still haven't taught me how to write your name."
Nanke Island had always preserved the ritual of releasing Kongming lanterns. On many holidays, the islanders would spontaneously gather to release them, using them to pray for blessings and to express the deepest wishes of their hearts.
The islanders seemed to forever hold onto this hope-that for the hopeless things in life, perhaps the gods would help make them come true.
Today wasn't a holiday.
So they bought materials and found an empty spot to release a Kongming lantern, just the two of them. Unlike the lively and bustling atmosphere the last time they released one, tonight all of Nanke Island was abuzz with excitement for the Island Master's wedding, gathered near the West Archipelago where the fireworks display was being held.
At this high ground they had found, there was no one else besides the two of them.
The midsummer night air rolled with heatwaves, but the island's surrounding sea allowed a cool breeze to sweep through the heat, making the clustered bouquets of flowers sway gently in the wind.
The fragrance of flowers, spreading on the sea breeze, was refreshing and heart-gladdening.
Fu Zhao spread the lantern paper on the stone table, ground the ink, and dipped a brush in it, intending to give it to Shi Nan. But when she turned around, Shi Nan had already taken a brush, dipped it in ink, and was sitting upright and proper.
Her posture for holding the brush was much more accurate than before.
Fu Zhao smiled, her lips curving. "I remember I already taught you how to write your own name last time. Can you write it now?"
Shi Nan's fingertips, holding the brush, paused. A drop of ink fell from the tip, blotting onto the lantern paper and blooming into a small stain.
Another sheet of lantern paper was ruined.
Shi Nan pressed her lips together, put down the brush, and took out a new sheet of lantern paper. She glanced at Fu Zhao, raising an eyebrow. "Of course I can."
Fu Zhao nodded. "Then today I'll teach you to write my name. Just don't write the name on the Kongming lantern we're going to release."
"We're not writing names?" Shi Nan looked over, her eyes tinged with confusion as she asked.
Fu Zhao hummed softly in agreement. She lowered her gaze, silent for a moment as her thoughts drifted far away. She recalled her dream-like experience before, in that 21st-century timeline, where the legends of Kongming lanterns had many taboos.
She thought back carefully and began to explain to Shi Nan the reason for not writing names.
"Among all the preserved blessing rituals on Nanke Island, the Kongming lantern is actually the most ancient. Although now, during various festivals, islanders will write their names or wishes on the lanterns to express their desires."
"But actually, Kongming lanterns were originally used to commemorate the souls of the dead. There's a saying: 'As the lantern flies in the sky, the soul gives chase on the ground.'"
"I heard once, a long time ago, that people would only write the names and birth dates of the deceased on Kongming lanterns for commemoration and prayer, to guide the lonely, wandering souls who couldn't return home back to their hometowns."
She paused here, looking at the stunned Shi Nan, and smiled. "But now, tens of thousands of years have passed. Kongming lanterns are used more for praying for blessings and are no longer strictly confined to commemoration. People aren't so taboo about writing names and wishes anymore."
So that's how it was.
After listening to Fu Zhao's explanation, Shi Nan recalled how she had almost written Fu Zhao's name on the lantern paper last time, and felt a lingering fear.
Fortunately, she had later decided to wait for Fu Zhao to teach her personally and hadn't looked up how to write Fu Zhao's name.
If she had written Fu Zhao's name back then, wouldn't it have been counterproductive, achieving the opposite of what she intended?
After all, the Fu Zhao of that time was still alive.
Fu Zhao saw the shifting emotions on Shi Nan's face. She could roughly guess what Shi Nan was thinking-it was nothing more than worrying about whether she had written the name last time.
She walked to Shi Nan's side, held her fingertips, picked up the brush, and wrote her own name on the lantern paper, stroke by stroke, neat and tidy.
"If you're worried that you wrote my name when you released the lantern before..."
"...there's actually no need to worry."
"Because, when we started over last time, I was already, in a way..." She paused for a few seconds, her gaze wavering slightly, finding it a bit difficult to say the next words. After a moment of silence, she spoke again.
"A departed soul-"
Before she could finish, having only uttered one word, she felt a soft, warm touch on her lips. A warm fingertip was placed between them, and her own blurry reflection was mirrored in clear, rippling pupils.
"No." Shi Nan quickly denied it. A moist sheen appeared in her eyes-it was the light of tears, and also the light of the fireworks continuously blooming in the sky.
She was unwilling to admit that Fu Zhao had been a departed soul.
Even though... even though she knew that everything in the world was always an equivalent exchange. Even a deal with a god couldn't avoid it.
To be able to experience the Realm of Regret ten times, to even be able to reverse what happened at the very beginning and return to a starting point where everything could be saved-it was impossible not to pay a price.
But she was still selfish, unwilling to admit that her Fu Zhao had once been just a wisp of a departed soul.
She thought they had returned to the starting point.
She would rather believe that Fu Zhao had never died, rather not think back to that regretful moment, unwilling to admit that her Fu Zhao had truly, genuinely lost all heartbeat and pulse in her arms.
Even if everything that happened after Fu Zhao's death had been erased, she could still tell that, at least in that one instant, Fu Zhao had truly died.
But they were able to return to that moment again and change the fact of Fu Zhao's death.
In reality, it was simply that someone had paid the price for the two of them.
Her unwillingness to admit this was only to keep her own conscience from being condemned. She was truly a terrible person.
She clearly remembered everything, yet she always indulged in her current wonderful life, burying the guilt deep in her heart, thinking that this way, everything would be fine.
It was just self-deception, that's all.
"Actually, I also know how lucky I am to be able to return to a time before it all happened."
A clear, pleasant voice sounded by her ear, pure and clean, gently scratching at the bottom of her heart. Listening closely, it felt like a sea breeze calming the churning waves, and her heart grew much calmer.
"Even if the ten do-overs before were just a dream we completed together."
"But thinking about it carefully now..." Fu Zhao sighed softly, looking at Shi Nan's tear-filled eyes. She gently wiped away the tears welling at the corners of Shi Nan's eyes with the pad of her thumb.
"The first time wasn't a dream."
"The feeling of dying was real. I clearly felt myself dying, lost all my senses and consciousness. The feeling before death was real. I can't ignore the feeling of that death; it was much more real than any of the times that followed."
"At first, I didn't dare to admit it either, but after thinking about it more, I realized that admitting it isn't such a big deal."
Fu Zhao looked at Shi Nan with a frank gaze, tidied a strand of hair by her forehead, and pressed a light kiss there. She smiled as she spoke, then continued to hold Shi Nan's hand and write her name.
"Admitting that I was once a departed soul is better than forgetting it. At least now, I'm truly and genuinely alive, right?"
"We should always remember the things that happened to highlight the beauty of the present, to remind ourselves how lucky we are."
"And to warn ourselves to cherish everything we have now, and not to make the same mistake again."
Fu Zhao said all this frankly, without a hint of hesitation.
After she finished speaking, the complete two characters for "Fu Zhao" were already vivid on the paper.
Black ink on white paper.
Upright and proper, elegant and powerful.
"Plop-"
A teardrop fell onto the lantern paper, next to the character "Zhao," spreading a wet mark that gradually bled into the ink.
Shi Nan lowered her gaze, a warmth rising in her eyes. When she looked up again, her lashes were laden with tears, and the firelight from the sky was reflected in her moist gaze.
"Write two more names on the Kongming lantern. We'll release it together later."
Knowing that writing names on a Kongming lantern was for commemorating the dead, the purpose of Shi Nan's request was already crystal clear.
Fu Zhao froze for a few seconds, staring at Shi Nan. Vaguely, she felt she now understood the situation with Shi Nan's friend who couldn't attend their wedding.
As for why there were two, and who these two people were.
At this moment, it wasn't very important.
They just needed to hold the most devout wishes and the most sincere blessings. That was enough.
Having figured this out, Fu Zhao lowered her gaze, dipped the brush in some ink, and placed it in Shi Nan's palm. She adjusted Shi Nan's grip on the brush and spoke softly,
"In that case, we should write them together. Two people's voices might be more useful than one."
Encircled in Fu Zhao's arms, the warmth and the clear, gentle voice behind her reminded Shi Nan that she should forever remember all of this, forever feel guilt and unease for it, as a way to repay the price that person had paid for them.
This was what she had to do.
She couldn't continue to be so selfish, only caring about her own life.
If forgetting was a relatively happy thing.
Then she should spend her entire life engraving these two people's names in her heart.
Having understood this, Shi Nan gently closed her eyes, tightened her grip on the brush, and glanced sideways at Fu Zhao. She spoke softly,
"One is surnamed Lian, named Yuechu. The other is surnamed Fu, named Yunqi."
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