ISBH - Chapter 28
Chapter 28: Recognized
The little girl did not make a fuss. She only gazed at Han Tian and shed silent tears, as if she were full of grievances with nowhere to pour them out. She looked utterly pitiful!
Han Tian had never faced such a scene. For a moment she was completely stunned, feeling only that she had gone too far. This child regarded her as the family she depended on for survival, yet she had ignored the child's feelings...
"Mo Sheng, I really didn't mean it like that. You're so sensible. How could I abandon you..."
"Mo Sheng, I only felt that you've grown up, that I could place more trust in you, that you're capable of being independent on your own..."
"Mo Sheng, I was wrong. Please don't be sad, all right..."
Han Tian spoke for a long time, and by this point sorrow rose in her as well.
Han Tian silently lowered her head. She had said everything she could think of to coax Mo Sheng, yet Mo Sheng still had not spoken...
Han Tian had always known her emotional intelligence was a little low. She never handled matters of feeling well and subconsciously chose to avoid them. During this time she had thought she had improved somewhat, yet she had still made the little girl cry.
For a moment Han Tian felt disheartened as well. She felt she was still better suited to hiding in the laboratory. That way she would not make anyone else sad...
Han Tian's nose stung, and suddenly she felt like crying too, only she held back her tears by force because she was in front of Mo Sheng.
"Silly Sister." Through a blur Han Tian heard Mo Sheng finally speak in a hoarse voice. The little girl leaned over and gently wrapped her arms around Han Tian's waist. "Sister, you usually look so smart. How can you not even know how to comfort someone..."
Mo Sheng wiped her reddened eyes, her voice still carrying a sob. "Sister, I'm afraid you'll leave me."
"Sister, you're the most important person to me in this world. I'm afraid that one day you'll be gone and I'll be left alone in the world..."
"Sister, can you really not stay with me forever?"
"Mo Sheng," held like this by the little girl, Han Tian felt the sudden sadness in her heart fade. She patted Mo Sheng's shoulder helplessly. "Silly child, Sister isn't going to abandon you."
"A person's life is so long. You'll find someone who likes you and whom you like, and build a family with him and live a happy life. It doesn't matter that you didn't like that boy today. In the future you will always find someone you truly like..."
"I'm only a companion on the road of your life, not the one who will accompany you to the end..."
...
Mo Sheng bit her lip tight.
She had always understood what Sister meant. Sister assumed she would marry like her mother.
But was marriage really good?
In Mo Sheng's impression, marriage held only endless quarreling, and her mother's disappointed tears...
Mo Sheng did not want such days.
She felt her present days were very good. She lived happily every day, so good that Mo Sheng schemed by every means to keep Sister tied to her side.
But Mo Sheng knew she could not express these thoughts in her heart bluntly now.
Sister liked dazzling and beautiful, upright and bright people, people like the 'star' she admired. If she knew the thoughts deep inside Mo Sheng, she would surely grow distant from her.
Mo Sheng could not bear such a price. She could only suppress the longing in her heart fiercely and strive to appear as the person Sister liked best.
"Then before I find someone I like, will Sister stay with me all along?"
Mo Sheng turned her head and looked earnestly into Han Tian's eyes.
Meeting the little girl's dark eyes, Han Tian suddenly did not know what to say.
She did not know what was happening with the time and space ten years later, and she did not know when she herself might leave.
But now the little girl could rely only on her, and she had already refused her once. Han Tian could not bear to refuse Mo Sheng a second time...
Han Tian bit her lower lip. "I'll try my best not to leave you, but there are some things I can't reveal to you now, and I simply can't promise..."
"If one day I leave you, you must believe I'll come back to find you as soon as I can..."
...
"Pinky promise!" Mo Sheng still seemed less than satisfied, but she had always been sensible. She said nothing more and only held out her little finger and looked stubbornly at Han Tian.
Han Tian laughed inwardly. It was rare for Mo Sheng to be so childish, yet she cooperated and held out her hand to hook Mo Sheng's finger.
"All right, pinky promise! I promise that before Little Mo Sheng meets someone she likes, I will always stay with Little Mo Sheng. If for some... unavoidable reason I must leave Little Mo Sheng, I'll also do my utmost to come back to find her..."
After she said this, the little girl's pursed lips immediately relaxed. She lowered her head and, as if embarrassed, buried her face in the hollow of Han Tian's neck and said no more.
Han Tian breathed a sigh of relief.
She always felt the words of that pinky promise had been a little strange, but Mo Sheng was only a girl of ten odd years, and Han Tian did not think deeply about it.
After that Mo Sheng began to eat obediently. As if embarrassed by her earlier loss of composure, after finishing she moved close to Han Tian and said shyly with lowered eyes, "Actually, in a week Sister could have two days when you don't accompany me to school..."
"I know Sister is very bored at school, so tomorrow I'll ask the teacher to change seats. I'll sit by the window then. Downstairs is the reading room. No one is in the reading room during class. Sister can go inside to read and rest..."
...
Han Tian had not expected Mo Sheng to think so far for her sake, and felt ever more that the child was considerate. "All right, we'll do as you say. I'll stay home on Wednesdays and Fridays, and take you to school on the other days. You should be happy now..."
Mo Sheng was clearly delighted. Her cheeks were a little red as she looked at Han Tian with bright eyes.
Looking at her like this, Han Tian could not help thinking of Mo Sang once again.
She did not know if it was her imagination, but Han Tian always felt that over these years Mo Sheng and Mo Sang seemed more and more alike.
Han Tian bit her lip, and in that instant a worry suddenly rose in her heart. Could it be because she missed Mo Sang too much that she was subconsciously raising Mo Sheng to become like Mo Sang? If so, it would be truly unfair to Mo Sheng...
Seeing Han Tian looking at her with both eyes while her thoughts seemed to drift far away, Mo Sheng lowered her lashes and, as if shy, threw herself against Han Tian's side, interrupting Han Tian's thoughts...
What was Sister thinking about now?
Mo Sheng had never expected to get Han Tian to agree to stay by her side forever in one go.
She would first put forward a goal that was harder to reach, then throw out a simpler one. Given how softhearted Sister was, she surely would not refuse her a second time...
Sure enough, everything turned out just as Mo Sheng had expected.
Buried in the hollow of Han Tian's neck, Mo Sheng curved her lips lightly.
As for someone to like, Mo Sheng would never want to look for one in her whole life.
No one would ever be more important than Sister.
Following Mo Sheng's arrangement, Han Tian began again the days of going to school with Mo Sheng.
Han Tian was restless by nature. Once their finances were comfortable, she felt she could not go on idling like this. While flipping through Mo Sheng's textbooks during class, Han Tian suddenly conceived the idea of writing a textbook.
After returning to the country, Han Tian had taught at a university. The school had wanted her to write a textbook, but over these years Han Tian had been busy with her own experiments. She liked to do everything herself, and even though she had no time to write it, she did not want her students to dash one off to get by, so it had dragged on until now...
Now Han Tian felt it was time to find time to write a textbook.
Once she fixed on a goal, Han Tian meant to do her utmost to do it well.
Han Tian's knowledge in her own field was outstanding, but she had little depth in other fields, so she planned to study other areas of knowledge.
The reading room at Mo Sheng's school provided great convenience. While studying the coursework, Han Tian also discovered several topics she wanted to research in depth.
Han Tian did not have much time to write the textbook while attending class with Mo Sheng in the day, so she reversed her body clock. She caught up on sleep in Mo Sheng's classroom by day and wrote her textbook at night.
Mo Sheng ached to see Han Tian living with her days and nights reversed, yet she could not help Han Tian at all. After all, what Han Tian was doing lay in fields Mo Sheng could not touch.
Mo Sheng was not incurious about Han Tian's origins. She had once tried to find out what Han Tian was really doing, yet as if by fate there seemed to be an invisible barrier stopping Mo Sheng from probing further...
Mo Sheng remembered the Han Tian she had once seen on the verge of death. Fearing she might endanger Han Tian, she could only forcibly suppress the urge to keep prying.
...
Seeing Han Tian's body clock diverge from her own every day, Mo Sheng felt anxious inside, yet she could think of no solution. She could only find time every day to cling to Han Tian.
In such an atmosphere, Mo Sheng entered the third year of middle school.
By this time almost the whole school knew Mo Sheng's name. Everyone knew there was a girl in the third year with good grades, good singing, and good looks.
Mo Sheng had begun to grow into her features. She was over one meter sixty, with brows and eyes like a painting, slender legs, and a willowy waist. No one had expected that the Mo Sheng once called the 'little ugly freak' would grow into such a beautiful girl.
At first the boys were reserved. Mo Sheng often found love letters and gifts on her desk, yet she always handed them to the teacher without even a glance...
Later the boys changed tactics and began to block Mo Sheng in person.
Yet no matter how they fawned over her, Mo Sheng walked past them as if they were invisible.
Later the boys gradually learned their lesson. They said Mo Sheng was the school's aloof beauty, and except for a few boys, the rest gave up the idea.
Han Tian knew nothing of Mo Sheng's reputation at school.
If at first Han Tian had simply wanted to write a textbook, later she deliberately reversed day and night to avoid spending time with Mo Sheng.
Han Tian did not know if something had gone wrong with her mind from staying with Mo Sheng too long. She found that Mo Sheng and Mo Sang looked more and more alike.
Han Tian did not want to raise Mo Sheng into a copy of Mo Sang.
Han Tian reflected deeply on herself. She felt this was because Mo Sheng had been influenced by her. When getting along with Mo Sheng, she unconsciously steered Mo Sheng toward the direction she herself liked.
This made Han Tian feel unable to face Mo Sheng. She could only avoid meeting Mo Sheng as much as possible, trying to lessen her influence on Mo Sheng...
Han Tian thought she had hidden it well, but Mo Sheng soon saw through her thoughts.
Mo Sheng knew Han Tian was stubborn, so she could only proceed slowly and dared not push Han Tian too hard.
If Sister felt anxious, it meant she had already placed Mo Sheng in her heart.
Once she became dazzling beyond compare, Sister would naturally see only her.
The High School Entrance Exam soon arrived.
Mo Sheng was admitted to the best high school in the city with excellent scores.
In the first year of high school, however, the school required compulsory military training, with three weeks of boarding at the school.
Han Tian used the excuse that her work had reached a critical stage and said she did not want to follow Mo Sheng to school. Mo Sheng had wanted to bring Han Tian to board with her, but the school beds were truly too narrow to sleep two people, and one dorm room had to sleep six girls. Mo Sheng did not want Han Tian living together with any girls besides herself, so after long thought she decided to let Han Tian stay home.
Still, every noon Mo Sheng walked home to see Han Tian and tell her about life in military training.
Han Tian had not wanted Mo Sheng to come back, after all the September sun was not gentle, yet Mo Sheng insisted on returning every day. Han Tian ached for Mo Sheng, and each time she saw Mo Sheng drenched in sweat, she could no longer deliberately keep her distance.
Only then did Han Tian realize Mo Sheng was already almost as tall as she was, yet the little girl still liked to hug her and act spoiled from time to time.
Han Tian had once loved it dearly when the little girl acted spoiled with her, yet after realizing how much Mo Sheng resembled Mo Sang, it became a torment to her. Whenever the little girl hugged her, Han Tian could not help thinking of Mo Sang, and if she pushed Mo Sheng away, the little girl would surely be heartbroken, after all she counted as the little girl's only family...
...
Mo Sheng saw all of Han Tian's conflict in her eyes.
The more often Sister thought of that 'star', the more it proved Mo Sheng was becoming like that 'star'. Give herself a little more time, and she would surely surpass that person.
...
Mo Sheng had not expected to be assigned to the same dorm as Wang Zhi during military training.
After she stopped tutoring Wang Zhi, even though the two were still in the same class, Mo Sheng had not spoken another word to Wang Zhi.
Wang Zhi grew more and more silent in class. She still hung out with girls from other classes, especially growing closer to Liang Juan. Mo Sheng had once heard Liang Juan introduce Wang Zhi no longer as 'best friend' but as 'girlfriend'...
Mo Sheng could often feel Wang Zhi watching her, but Wang Zhi caused no trouble, so Mo Sheng paid little attention. Wang Zhi's grades rose year by year, and during the High School Entrance Exam she performed beyond expectations and got into the same high school as Mo Sheng.
Mo Sheng was in the elite class and Wang Zhi was in the regular class. Probably because they had come from the same middle school, the school placed them in one dorm before permanent assignments were made.
After the High School Entrance Exam, Wang Zhi cut off her long hair and kept it short, and her clothes grew more and more neutral.
The first few days they left each other in peace. Wang Zhi lived in the bunk opposite Mo Sheng, and as soon as she moved in she drew a thick bed curtain.
Until one evening, after dismissal, Mo Sheng suddenly felt her abdomen twist in pain.
Mo Sheng curled up on the bed drenched in cold sweat. When she finally felt a little better and ran to the bathroom, she found bloodstains on her pants.
Probably because her health had suffered in her early years, Mo Sheng's period had never come. Han Tian had thought that when Mo Sheng was older, if it still had not come, she would take Mo Sheng to see a doctor. She had not expected it to arrive suddenly at this time.
Mo Sheng had already learned the relevant physiology, so she did not panic at the sight, only felt helpless, because she had prepared nothing.
Yet when she came out, Mo Sheng found on her desk a pack of sanitary pads and a small bagged packet of brown sugar.
Mo Sheng turned her head thoughtfully and met Wang Zhi's gaze.
"Thank you," Mo Sheng said softly. Her belly was cramping painfully, and she had no energy to run outside to buy sanitary pads.
Wang Zhi said nothing. She glanced up at Mo Sheng and drew her bed curtain.
After changing her sanitary pad, Mo Sheng changed the sheet she had soiled, made some brown sugar water, and lay down on the bed.
Probably because childhood malnutrition had left a hidden ailment, Mo Sheng slept poorly all night. Her belly ached terribly, and she felt groggy until near dawn before falling asleep.
When she woke again, Mo Sheng found herself already in the infirmary.
Wang Zhi had carried her here on her back.
Mo Sheng had a slight fever, her cheeks burning red.
The school doctor said Mo Sheng was unfit to continue military training in this condition. She wrote Mo Sheng a leave note to go home and return after her period ended.
"Doctor, Mo Sheng has no other family at home. She can get better care if she stays at school."
After the doctor's diagnosis, Wang Zhi, standing to the side, suddenly spoke up.
Mo Sheng shook her head firmly. "My neighbor has been looking after me all these years and treats me very well..."
In the end, the doctor still wrote Mo Sheng a leave note to go home.
Mo Sheng's face was a little pale, yet her expression was rather happy. Watching Mo Sheng, Wang Zhi frowned slightly.
Mo Sheng held her belly and walked slowly out of the infirmary.
Wang Zhi clenched her fists and hesitated for an instant, then finally ran to Mo Sheng's side and steadied her arm.
When Mo Sheng looked over, Wang Zhi turned her head away, her voice sounding a little annoyed. "I didn't want to see you off. I just wanted to skip today's military training and go see my girlfriend..."
"No need." Mo Sheng pressed her lips together and shook off Wang Zhi's hand, then took fifty yuan from her pocket and held it out to Wang Zhi. "Thank you for lending me the sanitary pads and brown sugar yesterday..."
Wang Zhi's face darkened at once. "Mo Sheng, what do you mean by this?"
"Exactly what it sounds like," Mo Sheng pressed her lips tight. "I thank you for your help, but I'm not a dog. I won't wag my tail just because you did me a small favor..."
All these years, Mo Sheng had never received an apology from Wang Zhi.
"You still hold on to such ancient history?"
Wang Zhi clenched her fists, as if utterly baffled by Mo Sheng's actions.
Mo Sheng looked at Wang Zhi with pressed lips. She was not afraid of what Wang Zhi might do to her at school. After all, this was high school, not a place Wang Zhi's family money could buy. If Wang Zhi wanted to keep studying, she had to obey the rules.
Looking at Mo Sheng, Wang Zhi's eyes seemed to redden, but she said nothing. She only threw the money Mo Sheng held out onto the ground and turned away swiftly.
Mo Sheng paid no mind to Wang Zhi's reaction, much less wanted to bother with this spoiled girl.
She leaned against the wall and rested a while. When she felt her strength had mostly returned, she went back to the dorm to pack her things, then walked slowly home.
Mo Sheng's complexion had already been terrible. By the time she walked home, her face was almost as white as paper...
Seeing Mo Sheng, Han Tian was badly startled. She hurriedly boiled hot water, filled a hot water bottle, and settled Mo Sheng into bed...
Ever since Mo Sheng had grown older, Han Tian had begun to keep a proper distance. Heat or cold in the surroundings had little effect on Han Tian, and most nights she slept on the sofa.
Yet seeing Mo Sheng's pale face as she acted spoiled, Han Tian finally could not resist her sickly coaxing and slept in the same bed with Mo Sheng.
The little girl's sleeping posture had grown extremely domineering. As soon as she fell asleep, she rolled over and held Han Tian tight without letting go. Mindful of the little girl's condition, Han Tian dared not move, and before she knew it she fell asleep too...
Han Tian did not notice the little girl's secretly curving lips.
...
That night Han Tian dreamed.
She dreamed she had returned to ten years later. Mo Sang suddenly appeared and blocked the road ahead. Just as Han Tian wanted to flee, she saw Mo Sheng chasing after her from behind. Two somewhat similar faces looked at Han Tian, eyes brimming with tears, speaking in unison, "Sister, are you abandoning me?"
In the end the two similar faces merged into one.
...
Han Tian woke with a start!
Mo Sheng was peacefully holding her. Morning sunlight filtered through the window lattice. Looking at the outline of Mo Sheng's cheeks, Han Tian watched it gradually overlap with a certain radiant outline...
Han Tian froze for an instant and pressed her lips tight as a guess suddenly surfaced in her heart...
This guess shocked Han Tian beyond measure, and countless thoughts flashed through her mind.
If her guess were true...
Could this pitiful little girl really be Mo Sang?
Her radiant Cub, loved by millions, had suffered so much as a child...
Remembering how the little girl had looked when they first met, Han Tian's tears fell beyond her control.
Truly, her heart ached so much...
Perhaps this guess was really true...
Looking at the dress she wore, Han Tian thought of the drawing Mo Sheng had hung on the wall and suddenly understood. That was herself.
Mo Sheng had said that was her ex-girlfriend. Could it be that in the time to come, she herself would fall in love with Mo Sheng?
Mo Sheng now indeed obeyed her every word, just as Mo Sang would later say...
With anyone else, Han Tian was certain she would never be so deranged as to lay a hand on the Mo Sheng she had raised, but if Mo Sheng were Mo Sang, Han Tian suddenly felt less sure...
Yet from what she knew, Han Tian was all too clear that she would leave Mo Sheng in the year Mo Sheng turned eighteen.
Thinking of those strange things in Mo Sheng's room, and of Li Ai's words, Han Tian's tears flowed even faster...
Han Tian could not bear to let Mo Sheng spend another five years like that. Mo Sheng was pitiful enough already.
Perhaps this was compensation arranged by fate.
Now that she had returned to the past, did it mean everything could change?
As long as she controlled herself and did not fall in love with Mo Sheng, then in the future Mo Sheng would surely not miss her so desperately and would not live in such pain...
Although changing the past meant Mo Sheng might never enter the entertainment industry and the later Mo Sang might cease to exist, compared to letting Mo Sheng live unhappily under the gaze of millions, Han Tian would rather Mo Sheng live the life she liked...
...
"Sister, why are you crying again?" At some point Mo Sheng had woken. She reached out to wipe Han Tian's tears, her eyes somewhat deep.
"My heart aches for you." Han Tian looked at Mo Sheng and smiled.
So I must control myself and not let you become crazed with longing like that.
Goodbye, Mo Sang!
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