Indulgence - Chapter 68
Chapter 68
Yao Ran drove Jiang Nian home first. The entire ride was silent.
Jiang Nian glanced at her from time to time. There was so much she wanted to explain, but it seemed any words now would be a feeble defense.
When they reached the door, Yao Ran didn't go in.
Jiang Nian sensed something was wrong with the atmosphere.
Yao Ran said in a low voice, "I've thought about it. We're not suitable for each other."
She had been struggling with this for days. She hadn't expected to say this when she came over tonight, but after witnessing the scene at the bar…
She couldn't trust her anymore.
Jiang Nian's expression fell. Although she had imagined this outcome, hearing Yao Ran say it to her face still left her feeling lost and helpless, a stronger wave of bitterness surging in her heart.
The alcohol had worn off, but her head was still spinning. She had never considered herself tongue-tied, but she felt that way now, standing before Yao Ran. She was quick to cry, and the corners of her eyes grew moist before she even spoke.
"Can we just calm down? Please give me another chance. Anything, just don't break up. I don't want to be apart from you…"
Yao Ran looked at Jiang Nian's red, aggrieved eyes, feeling a pang. No matter what, the affection she felt wouldn't just vanish because of a lie. But after the initial impulse, thinking about it rationally, they really weren't suitable. Perhaps she should have realized this from the beginning. Their relationship had started ambiguously, and their personalities were polar opposites. There was too much separating them, and it seemed even more so now.
"You got together with me just because you were infatuated and wanted to win me over, to have a romance, not because you'd thought it through and felt I was someone you could walk through life with." Yao Ran analyzed calmly, then asked, "Am I right?"
Jiang Nian was speechless.
Yao Ran could understand such thinking. Not everyone was so practical when it came to relationships, and besides, Jiang Nian was still young. She had hesitated before agreeing to be with Jiang Nian for these very reasons. What she wanted was a mature, stable relationship, not a momentary whim.
The two stood in silence for a long while, neither speaking.
"Let's just end it here." Yao Ran spoke first, her tone calm. "When you have time, come to my place and pack your things…"
Jiang Nian's tears flowed more fiercely. She wanted to be "unreasonable" like she used to, but she knew Yao Ran wouldn't indulge her anymore; it would only make her seem more childish.
When they met again, one had red, swollen eyes, and the other's were bloodshot. Clearly, neither had slept well.
The breakup was calmer than Jiang Nian had imagined. They didn't even have a loud argument. Always resolving problems rationally and calmly—that was consistent with Yao Ran's style.
Before coming over, Jiang Nian had thought of things to say, but upon seeing Yao Ran, she fell silent. Her mind was a mess; she didn't know what to do…
Thinking of how Yao Ran had called her childish with such distaste in the parking garage that day, Jiang Nian's eyes burned. She must be so sick of me now, right? This childish deception… she must hate me to death, right?
Jiang Nian hadn't brought many things with her, so it didn't take long to pack.
The two small, carved wooden dogs were still on the entryway cabinet. Both of their gazes fell on them at the same time.
"These are for you. I'm not taking them." Jiang Nian looked up at Yao Ran and gave a bitter smile. "If they annoy you too much, just throw them away."
"I shouldn't have lied to you. Other than my age, I never lied to you about anything else. I was very happy being with you." Jiang Nian's tears welled in her eyes, but she held them back. Whether Yao Ran believed her or not, she still wanted to say it.
Yao Ran stood frozen, wanting to speak but holding back.
Jiang Nian tugged on the leash in her hand and said sullenly to Si Mao, "Let's go."
Yao Ran pressed her lips together. She looked down to see Si Mao pressing against her leg, the little guy refusing to leave. As she lowered her head, her eyes grew warm. They had spent so much time together, day and night. She couldn't bear it…
"If you miss Si Mao, you can come to the studio to see him," Jiang Nian said, mustering her courage. In the past, she would have said this as an excuse to see Yao Ran, but this time, her intention was pure. Perhaps Yao Ran wouldn't want to see her again.
After lingering for a moment, Jiang Nian led Si Mao away. Si Mao was reluctant, whining a few times to show his displeasure.
The door closed. Yao Ran turned and looked around the room. It suddenly felt much emptier. Her bloodshot eyes became more pronounced. After staring into space for who knows how long, she fumbled for a cigarette case in a drawer, lit a cigarette, and took a deep, silent drag.
The more she smoked, the more suffocated she felt.
At ten in the evening, when Qiu Lan returned from a supply run, she noticed the light in the office was still on. She walked in to find Jiang Nian still at her desk, drawing. In the past, she'd had to chase her for drafts, but now, there weren't enough clients to keep her busy.
"What's gotten into you lately? Working overtime every day, I'm so moved I could cry." Qiu Lan walked over to look. "What's the matter? Not in a hurry to go home to your wife?"
It was fine until she brought it up. The mention made Jiang Nian's heart ache again. She hadn't told anyone about this. As high-profile as she had been in the relationship, she was being just as low-profile about the breakup.
Qiu Lan could see something was off. "Or have you gotten tired of her?"
Only then did Jiang Nian lift her head and say bluntly, "I got dumped."
Qiu Lan: "..." The show-off was actually the one who got dumped? She had never seen Jiang Nian look so defeated. This time, she had truly been put in her place.
"What happened?"
Jiang Nian briefly explained.
After hearing the story, Qiu Lan couldn't help but complain, "I'm telling you, can't you be a little more reliable…"
Jiang Nian remained silent, her head bowed.
Qiu Lan felt this fragile little version of her needed some comfort, so she added, "Look on the bright side. It was an amicable split. Who doesn't break up when they're dating?"
Jiang Nian: "Shut up."
Qiu Lan muttered, "Isn't that your go-to line when you're comforting people?"
Jiang Nian: "..."
Qiu Lan could see Jiang Nian's reluctance to let go. "If you really can't get over it, why not try to win her back?"
"She won't pay me any mind," Jiang Nian said in a low voice. Yao Ran had spoken so calmly; it was clearly a decision made after careful consideration. No matter what she did, it would seem like pestering, like a child. Besides, Yao Ran wouldn't trust her anymore.
The temperature in Beilin was dropping day by day.
Yao Ran had been busy lately with social engagements and business trips. As long as she kept herself busy, she could get by without a personal life.
She was back to being alone, but some habits had quietly changed. During lulls at work, she would subconsciously pick up her phone and look at her pinned chat. Most of the time, she would only realize the action was superfluous after she'd already done it.
Her pinned chat was still Jiang Nian. She should have unpinned it, but it was as if she couldn't be bothered, so she just left it there.
After they separated, Jiang Nian hadn't sent her any more messages. Their chat history stopped two days before the breakup:
【Happy Puppy】I want to see you
She hadn't replied to Jiang Nian.
Her assistant brought over a stack of documents and, seeing Yao Ran's pale face, asked, "Director Yao, are you all right?"
"I'm fine." Yao Ran snapped back to reality, her composure returning quickly. "What is it?"
The assistant went over the evening's schedule, then added, seeing Yao Ran's poor condition, "If you haven't been resting well lately, we can reschedule."
Yao Ran smiled faintly. "It's fine. Let's stick to the schedule."
The assistant vaguely sensed that her boss had probably broken up with her girlfriend. She hadn't seen Director Yao's pretty young girlfriend at the company recently.
Jiang Nian used to visit frequently. They didn't have much time to see each other, so she would come over at noon under the pretext of bringing lunch. After eating, they would take a nap together.
During their naps, Jiang Nian was always mischievous, pestering her for kisses. At first, Yao Ran didn't allow Jiang Nian to be so brazen in the office, but she could never resist Jiang Nian's shamelessness. It got to the point where every time they met in the office, they would end up holding each other and kissing for a long while.
Yao Ran finally understood now why Jiang Nian was always burning with passion. With her ardent nature and being at an age of fervent enthusiasm, it was no wonder she had endless energy.
That night, after a social engagement, Yao Ran came home reeking of alcohol. She had been working overtime without restraint recently, and she was exhausted the moment she got home. After a shower, she lay in bed, tipsy, and drifted into a light sleep.
The combination of alcohol and exhaustion made her groggy. She reached out to her side, as if to embrace someone, and murmured, "Jiang Nian."
Usually, after drinking, she would habitually hold Jiang Nian. A soft murmur was all it took for Jiang Nian to smile and snuggle into her arms, letting her hold her comfortably. Feeling only empty space, she opened her eyes and came to her senses. Her arms were empty, but the image flooded her mind.
Jiang Nian would lean in and cling to her, kissing the corner of her mouth. Her hands under the covers would definitely get restless, but her smile was always sweet. "You want me to hold you? You're clingy too."
...
Yao Ran was lost in thought for a long time, countless scenes flashing through her mind. Looking at the empty side of the bed, her heart felt completely hollow. The pain washed over her without warning, and tears silently streamed from the corners of her eyes.
Enough fatigue and busyness could temporarily push everything else aside. It was over half a month later when Yao Ran went to Moments again. Ruan Xin had invited her several times, worried she was in low spirits and wanting to have a drink and chat with her.
Yao Ran hadn't had the time until this weekend.
"How have you been lately?"
"Work has been busy," Yao Ran replied.
"When is work not busy for you?" Ruan Xin smiled. "Want to find some time to take a trip and clear your head?"
For every question, Yao Ran gave a standard answer. "Sure."
A moment of silence fell between them.
Ruan Xin asked again, "What about Jiang Nian?"
Yao Ran's eyelashes trembled slightly. After a two-second pause, she said, "What?"
"After that whole mess last time, did she keep pursuing you?"
Yao Ran took a leisurely sip of her drink without answering. They hadn't contacted each other again. She thought that with Jiang Nian's personality, she would quickly find new interests. This whole affair would be a closed chapter for her soon enough…
Ruan Xin: "You really broke up?"
Yao Ran's expression remained unchanged. "Yes. We're not suitable."
Ruan Xin wasn't surprised by this outcome. She could tell that Yao Ran genuinely liked Jiang Nian, but Yao Ran was too rational. Deciding to be with Jiang Nian in the first place was likely already an exception for her. After what happened, it would be difficult for her to let her emotions rule her a second time.
"As long as you've thought it through."
The bar was lively on the weekend, and tonight was the random "hidden surprise" segment. The host was inviting guests from the audience to sing for a chance to get their bill comped.
The atmosphere in the bar was electric.
A figure with long hair that almost reached her waist boldly walked onto the stage, causing a stir and cheers from the crowd.
Yao Ran's gaze followed the figure onto the stage. She couldn't see clearly, but she had a vague feeling that the profile was familiar, from the height to the style of dress.
Ruan Xin was currently looking down, replying to a message from Xu Xia. After sending the text, she looked up and noticed Yao Ran staring intently at the stage.
After catching Yao Ran and Jiang Nian being intimate that time, she knew how well Director Yao could put on an act. On the surface, she now looked nonchalant and relieved, but in reality…
Ruan Xin glanced at the stage, then said to Yao Ran, "Stop looking. It's not Jiang Nian."
Yao Ran remained silent.
Ruan Xin told her, "Since you two broke up, I haven't seen her come here to sing."
Yao Ran continued her silence.
Ruan Xin was straightforward. She could understand Yao Ran's feelings, but sometimes, you really couldn't overthink things in a relationship. The seemingly most rational decision wasn't always what your heart truly wanted.
"If you can't bear to let her go, why not just treat it as a little tiff and be done with it?"
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