Offense - Chapter 46
Chapter 46
Unfortunately, there was still no news of the wedding banquet for Wang Zhiqiang's nephew. Before she knew it, the end of the year was upon them.
For the old Lian Wan, the New Year wasn't important. The only things that mattered were the increase in delivery orders at the end of the year, which made up the bulk of her annual income, and the bonus from the Vehicle Team that Wang Zhiqiang handed out-he called it a "reunion fee." On the night of the Little New Year, he would call everyone to squeeze into the small flat the Vehicle Team rented for a so-called annual meeting. There were no performances; just a group of drivers, all showing their fatigue after a long day on the road, gathered around to crack sunflower seeds and chat for a while. At the end, each person would take home a bag of tea and two packs of cigarettes.
Although Lian Wan always seemed aloof, she would participate in moments like these. In the beginning, when someone on the team saw her push open the door, they would drawl out a greeting:
"It's good that Xiao Lian came. Our team might be full of rough men, but the main thing is that no one gets left behind."
After shouting this, they would exchange glances.
But year after year, everyone gradually grew accustomed to her silent presence. In winter, a crowd was always warmer than home. Even if the warmth was fleeting, even if there was stinking smoke, flying spittle, and the complicated looks she could never escape, Lian Wan didn't care whether they pitied her or looked down on her. Call it a sense of ritual or a lack of love, she was all alone-she came alone, and she left alone.
It didn't snow in Pingchuan Town, and the streets were frozen solid. By the time she got home, Lian Wan felt like the skin on her face had frozen over.
She cooked herself a pot of dumplings for a late-night snack. Amid the boiling steam, she let her cold, stiff face slowly thaw. It felt like a soothing release, as if she were shedding something. For no reason, the bare tree trunks along the county road flashed through her mind, tiny buds already forming on them.
It'll be better after the New Year. Lian Wan used to think. The weather won't be so cold after the New Year, and the flowers downstairs will bloom.
In the past, that was what the New Year meant to Lian Wan.
But strangely, this year's team bonus, along with Wang Zhiqiang's nephew's vanishing wedding banquet, was never mentioned. On WeChat, he started talking less and less, no longer barking orders every day, and the jobs gradually stopped coming. Fortunately, the suggestion he had made earlier hadn't been approved, so everyone still had their own trucks. If he didn't assign work, they could still grab some orders on their own.
It was only when Lian Wan was unloading her truck one day that she overheard some factory workers chatting and learned that he was in trouble.
It turned out he'd been gambling online for several years. At first, he was taking out loans to pay off his debts, but eventually, he couldn't keep up. He started taking money from his family, and this time, he had even cleaned out his relatives. He himself had disappeared, and when the debt collectors showed up at his door yesterday, only his wife and child were home, without a single cent left to them.
The two workers chattered excitedly as they moved the goods. At first, Lian Wan thought she had misheard, but she soon confirmed a few key details: surname Wang, ran a truck team in town, wife had given birth about six months ago.
She didn't interrupt the workers, just stood to the side and opened the Vehicle Team's group chat. The chat was filled with the usual long voice messages; the drivers were lonely on the road and loved to chat using voice notes.
She didn't play any of them, unsure if they were discussing the same thing.
As the scattered memories of her time with Wang Zhiqiang connected, Lian Wan finally began to piece together a complete picture of him.
Dust and smoke filled the workshop. Standing to the side, she was overcome by a storm of complex emotions: shock, disappointment, sympathy, and a faint, overwhelming fear.
She didn't know where this fear came from. Perhaps it was because she, too, had been a child who had suffered a great family catastrophe? Or perhaps, regardless of whether it was a natural disaster or a man-made one, she was simply afraid of change itself.
It was as if a person's life was like a vehicle on the road. Once an accident occurred, it happened in an instant, a tidal wave crashing down, giving you no time to react.
The roar of the factory machinery faded away, and in her ears, Lian Wan seemed to hear her grandmother's crying from her childhood. Her grandmother had only cried that one time, and Lian Wan had thought she'd long forgotten it. She clenched her fists tightly, trying to stop herself from trembling, feeling an urge to flee.
The workers, deep in their conversation, let out a dramatic sigh. "I heard his wife is going to leave him."
"Ah, what a pity for his kid."
Just as the words left his mouth, he saw the driver in the high-collared sweater climb into her truck and slam the door.
The man, pulled from his lively chat, finally came to his senses and shouted, "Hey! You're all set! Just go sign at the gate!"
The window didn't roll down. The woman behind the wheel silently made an okay gesture.
The box truck drove out of the factory and onto the gray-white county road. Familiar scenery flashed past the window. The gloomy winter sky merged with the distant road into a single line, as if it had no end. Lian Wan's frantic heartbeat gradually calmed. She hit the brakes at a red light.
The fear receded like a tide, followed by a profound, heart-filling emptiness. Lian Wan stared blankly at the intersection before her. She had driven this road hundreds, thousands of times, but this time, she felt a little hesitant.
The traffic light counted down, second by second. It felt as if the flow of time, which had been so slow for all these years, had suddenly landed with stark clarity.
So it's been this long, this long.
So I've already grown up.
If they could see me now, would they think I'm doing okay?
Just then, Zhou Yanqian's call came through. Hearing the familiar ringtone was like hearing a command, and Lian Wan immediately pressed the answer key.
"Hello."
She spoke with a faint, aggrieved nasal tone.
The person on the other end asked in a soft voice, "Hello? Where are you?"
"Almost there. On the road." Lian Wan steadied her voice. The call was on speaker, and even the sound of breathing on the other end was perfectly clear. She paused, then added, "About ten minutes, and I'll be there."
"I have a guest today," Zhou Yanqian said. "Looks like an old colleague came to see me. I have to take her to dinner."
"Why don't you come too?"
Another red light. Lian Wan stepped on the brake and, without thinking, instinctively asked, "You two are catching up. Would it be inconvenient for me to be there?"
"It's fine, come on." Zhou Yanqian named a restaurant they often went to, her speech slow and relaxed. "She's almost here. I'll probably get there a little earlier than you. Drive slowly, no rush."
"Okay," Lian Wan replied. In just those few short sentences, she felt her heart calm down again, like a frightened pet whose fur had been smoothed. She wanted to obediently nudge her head forward for a reassuring pat. Her voice softened. "You should dress warmly too. It's pretty cold out today. I hung your coat by the door, don't forget it."
The voice on the other end answered with a smile, "Okay… I know. See you in a bit."
It took some time to drop off the delivery forms and park the truck. Lian Wan walked toward the restaurant they had agreed on. In a small town like this, places weren't far apart, and it was only a few minutes' walk.
Because it was winter, a transparent curtain hung over the entrance, sealing the warmth and life inside.
Lian Wan pushed aside the curtain and stepped in. She immediately spotted a familiar figure, and the woman with her back to the door, talking to her.
The guest had neat, shoulder-length hair. She wasn't tall and wore a spotless trench coat with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows.
She was talking to Zhou Yanqian with her head tilted. As Lian Wan walked over, Zhou Yanqian noticed the conspicuous white dust from the brick factory on her dark sweater. The moment Lian Wan stopped, Zhou Yanqian pulled her over and started brushing it off. "Aren't you cold? Where's your jacket?"
She opened her mouth, but before she could answer, the woman opposite them seemed to extend her hand out of habit. "Hello."
The woman raised her eyes, looking Lian Wan up and down.
Lian Wan wasn't used to shaking hands and just lightly touched the other woman's fingertips. "Hello?"
"This is… a colleague from my old job," Zhou Yanqian said. A tiny smile flickered across her lips. She turned her head, and her gaze met Lian Wan's. The smile widened imperceptibly, animating the corners of her eyes and brows. "And this is my… um… you know."
This was the first time Zhou Yanqian had introduced their relationship to someone else. Lian Wan tried to control her racing heart, biting her lip nervously.
Her expression made Zhou Yanqian's lips curve into a smile she couldn't suppress. "My girlfriend."
The woman opposite them twitched her lips but said nothing. She seemed to be taking it quite well. Lian Wan relaxed a little and leaned over to ask Zhou Yanqian what dishes they had ordered.
After the rather formal introductions, they sat down. The food arrived quickly. A large, steaming pot of stew sat in the center of the table, piled with chunks of potato, radish, and thick slices of pork belly.
The owner bustled over with refreshing cold dishes: fried peanuts, pickled cucumbers mixed with bean sprouts, and vinegared kelp.
The portions at this restaurant were huge, and the plates were deep. The owner's fingers dipped into the food as he set it down, making the woman opposite them frown. Lian Wan, unfazed, pulled out a tissue and wiped the table.
The three of them had also ordered a bottle of liquor. Besides beer, the restaurant only had Niulanshan. Lian Wan couldn't drink since she was driving. The other two drank half the bottle, and Lian Wan pocketed the other half when she paid the bill.
There wasn't much to do on a cold winter day, especially since Zhou Yanqian's colleague wasn't used to the hotels in the county. She said she only had a few days of annual leave and was taking the train back that night.
They walked and chatted for a while, and then Lian Wan drove her to the county train station.
The sky was pitch-black. The air was cold and hard, and there was hardly anyone in front of the station. They were still talking. Zhou Yanqian was dressed thinly. Lian Wan wanted to take her hand, but Zhou Yanqian took hers instead, enveloping it in her palm.
Perhaps it was the alcohol, but the woman's palm was warm. Lian Wan relaxed a little and listened to what she and her former colleague were saying.
"It's good that you're all doing well. Call me if you need anything. You don't have to come all this way."
"I mainly came to thank you for taking such good care of me back then. It was only after I started training interns myself that I realized not everyone could have guided me the way you did. So I'm really grateful. I wanted to come back and see you, to thank you for all your help. Besides, after you left, we all really missed you…"
"Mm. It's fine. It's cold, so you should go inside and wait for your train." Zhou Yanqian had a smile on her face. Lian Wan turned to look at her and felt a light pat on her head. "We're heading back now."
"No… Sister, actually… there's something else I want to say to you."
"Hm? What is it?" Zhou Yanqian's smile faded, and she looked at her seriously.
The other woman looked at Lian Wan, then at Zhou Yanqian, back and forth several times, before finally speaking hesitantly.
"What I wanted to say is, I came to see you this time to try and persuade you. Sister, you should come back if you get the chance. Really, if you can get out, don't come back. I'm sure you understand this better than I do."
"Because you always used to tell me that life's choices are more important than hard work."
"And taking a huge step back, even if you don't consider yourself, you have to consider your parents. The educational and medical resources in a big city are irreplaceable. Don't you love going to art exhibitions? Besides, the people you meet out there are different. Here, there's only…"
At this point, Lian Wan noticed the woman turn and glare at her. It was baffling. Zhou Yanqian noticed too. She pulled Lian Wan behind her slightly and smiled politely. "I'm doing just fine here. Everyone has their own choices. If you really want to thank me, just work hard and live your own life well."
"No. I genuinely feel this way. I genuinely wanted to tell you this. A place like this…"
Before she could finish, the woman raised an eyebrow and conceded, "Okay. I understand."
"Then…"
"Then we're leaving. Bye-bye."
Her grip suddenly became very strong, nearly making Lian Wan stumble. They had walked some distance before Lian Wan heard Zhou Yanqian curse loudly, "Idiot."
The road home was mostly empty. The second-hand Passat drove through the deserted streets. The shops along the road were shut tight, a stretch of darkness as far as the eye could see.
It was quiet in the car. After her one-word outburst, Zhou Yanqian had been furiously typing on her phone, her fingers flying, probably continuing the argument online. Lian Wan stole a sideways glance at her, then reached out and turned on the car stereo.
It was Wu Bai again. The sound of the guitar swept past her ears. Lian Wan turned the volume down and, amid the intermittent, rugged accent, tentatively tried to start a conversation. "Are you angry?"
The woman in the passenger seat moved her fingers and turned off her phone.
"No." Her face was uncharacteristically tense. "I just wanted to make things clear."
"Don't be angry." Lian Wan turned the steering wheel, looking at her comfortingly. After a moment's thought, she added, "Do whatever you want to do. Don't worry about what she says."
It was clear she wasn't good at saying things like this. Her sharply defined features softened in the scattered light filtering in from the car window as she looked with concern at the person beside her. The sight made Zhou Yanqian want to laugh. She reached out and pinched her cheek. "I never care what other people think of me. I'm angry that she looked down on you."
Lian Wan kept driving, replying calmly, "It's okay."
"You think I couldn't tell? I was holding back for so long." The woman was still fuming. She pulled her hand back and sighed with a hint of emotion. "When I met her a few years ago, she was just a kid, fresh out of college, didn't know anything. She relied on me a lot. I practically watched her grow up, from an intern until now. The first time we went out to dinner, she didn't even know how to shake hands with people."
"So for her to say something like that just now, it felt strange."
"I used to think she was young, and maybe out of some sense of responsibility, I wanted to take care of everyone. But strangely, now I feel like I'm the young one."
"Maybe it's only when your role in life changes that you can truly understand the things you once had and the things you missed out on, and understand what you really want."
"I already thought it was good that I came back. And being with you-that's good too."
She rested her chin on her hand, counting the streetlights flying past the window. Her eyelashes were still, but her brilliant, shimmering eyes trembled slightly. "Now I feel that way even more."
Her words left Lian Wan speechless. The car's heater quietly filled the space, and the music played softly. The guitar strings were strummed gently. She heard Zhou Yanqian humming along softly:
"No insecurity, no suspicion, we all have the right to love ourselves; Don't know, not redundant, no one is certain when the story ends…"
There wasn't much traffic on the county road, and they were soon home. Under the heavy night sky, the streetlight outside the old residential complex was tall and bright, illuminating the faded red brick wall beside it. Withered ivy clung to the wall. An empty clothesline hung limply to one side, and an air conditioning unit hummed.
Lian Wan held the woman's soft palm, watching her sway slightly as she opened her mouth, her breath forming a pale cloud in the air.
Only then did she remember the half-bottle of white liquor still in her pocket.
In the light of the streetlamp, Lian Wan saw Zhou Yanqian's flushed face.
"Are you drunk?" she asked, concerned.
Zhou Yanqian shook her head slightly, not feeling very dizzy. "I'm okay, just a little hot."
She looked up and saw Lian Wan's silent gaze roaming her face. The places her eyes touched seemed to burn. On impulse, she reached out and cupped that silent face. The gaze finally showed some fluctuation. Zhou Yanqian gestured for her to lower her head. As expected, she received an obedient bow of the head.
A love disapproved of by others, yet it was the proof of her farewell to the past.
The street was filled with the cold and silence of winter. But a fire was spreading in Zhou Yanqian's heart.
She leaned in and whispered in her ear, "Let's do it when we get back."
The old building's stairwell wasn't soundproof. The security door was fumbled open in a flurry, then slammed shut with force. Their heavy winter clothes deepened their panting breaths.
Lian Wan struggled out of her sweater, not forgetting to turn on the air conditioner's heat. They fell onto the gray-white sofa. The light blue curtains were drawn, serving as the color of night in the living room.
On a winter's night, Lian Wan touched the softest skin hidden in the deepest place, feeling a long-absent sweat slowly rise from the depths of her body. Then Zhou Yanqian pinched her chin, looking down at her.
"My turn this time," she said.
Skin like white porcelain, as if all its hard shells had been peeled away. Amidst whimpers, Zhou Yanqian held Lian Wan's trembling fingertips. Her little puppy's gaze was wandering, it could even be called helpless.
She was calling her name in a small voice.
Zhou Yanqian held her, cupped her face, and looked lovingly into her eyes. "Baby, don't be afraid. Heaven will be kind to you."
The woman's crimson lips seemed especially deep in the darkness. Lian Wan captured them, unwilling to let go, until the person she was biting patted the back of her head. She held her, buried her face in the side of her neck, and inhaled deeply, deeply.
After a long while, Zhou Yanqian heard her muffled response.
She said, "Having you is enough for me."
Finally, they were pressed completely together. This quiet, reserved person of over twenty years opened her mouth, word by word, as if to pour out her entire heart.
"Sister… do you remember the captain of our Vehicle Team? He ran off because of gambling debts, leaving his wife and six-month-old child at home. I'm scared to hear about things like that, not just because I pity them… I remember my childhood…"
"I'm afraid of instability, afraid of change. I feel like my life was stolen. That's why I wanted to hide from you when I first met you."
"So I know, the world is big. But for me, the world is also very small."
"I don't dare to be greedy, afraid that heaven will take something away again."
"Sister." In the darkness, Lian Wan looked at her with her perpetually silent eyes, as if trying to see through the night to their most naked selves. "So I only want you."
"For me, I have nothing else to lose. I'm also very stupid. I only know how to drive, I'm not good at talking, and I don't earn much money. Maybe you'll go back someday, but I just hope I can make you happy. Being able to meet you, I'm really…"
Perhaps because she had held it in for so long, Lian Wan didn't cry. Her words were clear, but her tone was fragmented. Zhou Yanqian touched her face. This sincerity from Lian Wan was so precious. A wave of tears rose in Zhou Yanqian's eyes, becoming the strength that supported their embrace.
"Baby… when I say I love you, I really mean it."
She held her, rocking her gently, like a mother's tender coaxing. "Don't be afraid, I'm here…"
They embraced, closer, and closer.
Then, in this deepest, deepest winter night, sweat finally beaded on their backs, as if summer had returned. In a daze, they were both back in that overflowing swimming pool, with water everywhere. The water rippled, the whole world swayed, gently, slowly. The water wet their long hair, and there was a downward pulling force, but Lian Wan's hand was held, pulled upward by the woman with equally wet hair. In the boundless ocean, they both seemed to become clouds, free, unfurling, beautiful because they were floating.
An unknown amount of time passed, so long they themselves couldn't tell.
The night was so deep it seemed to want to hide from all eyes and ears. The room gradually grew quiet. They were both sound asleep, their eyes closed.
Only their damp breaths brushed lightly against each other's faces.
In dreams and out, the years stretched on.
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