BSS - Chapter 74

Chapter 74

Unlike the fervent lyrics, the humming voices of the team members were soft, carrying a bit of youthful confusion and sentimentality. The trailing notes of every line dispersed into the air, just like the evening breeze outside the window at this moment, brushing belatedly over Beijing as the city lights came on.

The guide teacher closed his eyes. The driver didn't speak either; he wore an earbud playing navigation instructions in one ear, while the other ear was bare. He looked calmly at the road ahead, his fingers tapping a vague rhythm on the steering wheel.

Deng Chuan lowered her eyes. Her forehead pressed against the cold car window, her head feeling a bit heavy, but the humming voices of the team members were branded into her ears, every line so clear.

Amidst the team members' singing, Deng Chuan suddenly felt a touch of emotion, but she couldn't say clearly what exactly sparked this emotion.

Was it them in this moment? The singing in this moment? The lyrics being conveyed within this small space in this moment? Deng Chuan thought about it, feeling it was, yet also feeling it wasn't. Wandering in thought amidst the inexplicable emotion, she suddenly realized that perhaps what moved her wasn't the external things, but the surging tide of her heart amidst the singing at this moment.

In that emotion, Deng Chuan hazily realized: this fluctuation might be the normal state of life.

There is no eternal upward, nor eternal downward; it is always a counterbalanced state of fluctuation. Like rolling ocean waves, surging forward.

Just like now. They were young, their futures were boundless, and they possessed countless impulses and reasons to run and leap forward. Yet they also began to feel lost, began to be helpless before the world that was gradually revealing itself in full, burnt out in the face of countless suggestions and choices from countless people.

Like a person holding both frost and raging fire.

Aided by alcohol, the team members' voices gradually grew louder. They began to sing other songs unscrupulously; some songs they couldn't even sing completely right, only able to sing the chorus over and over:

"Every shalalala every wo'wo,

Still shines……

Every shing-a-ling-a-ling,

That they're starting to sing,

So fine……"

In the chaos, some people hummed songs in different languages. "Young and Promising" and "Cry On My Shoulder" mingled together; English songs, Chinese songs, and Japanese songs were all rummaged out and sung once.

The scene began to become a bit comical. Everyone hummed their own song, minding their own business. They closed their eyes in intoxication, immersed in their own worlds.

Yet in the chaos, everyone was content in their place.

In such a scene, the person most affected was instead the most sober one. Listening to the different melodies and sung lines, Deng Chuan lifted her head. The guide teacher sitting next to her had his eyes closed and was breathing evenly, as if asleep. She should have been sleepy too, but at this moment, she felt extremely awake.

Deng Chuan silently listened to everyone's singing in the car, silently thinking about her own matters.

Thinking required calmness. Deng Chuan tried hard to find her usual state. But her mood fluctuated uncertainly. After the anxiety and helplessness of failing to calm down repeatedly, Deng Chuan sighed as if giving up.

Now, all that was left to her was the singing in the taxi, whispering like the evening breeze.

Deng Chuan listened for a while. She even took out her phone to message Xu Wei, saying they were coming back from the gathering, everyone was drunk, and now they were all singing—the key point being that everyone was singing their own thing.

Xu Wei replied quickly: That's great. It shows everyone has their own thoughts and realizations, so they each have their own song to sing.

She asked again: Then, Little Friend. Did you sing?

Deng Chuan said no.

But Xu Wei said: I want to listen.

Xu Wei didn't make any further demands, as if she had just mentioned it casually. But Deng Chuan began to think hard because of Xu Wei's words. That surge of emotion passed along with it. Amidst the contemplation of what song to sing, Deng Chuan found time to reflect a little on whether she was being overly sentimental.

She even thought nonsensically: Having a girlfriend is really good. One sentence from Xu Wei could draw a clear line between her and this group of sentimental drunks, helping her find her own thread of thought.

But until the car arrived at the P University East Gate amidst the singing of these drunks, Deng Chuan still hadn't figured out what song she wanted to sing for Xu Wei.

As soon as the car stopped, without the driver needing to call out, the guide teacher opened his eyes immediately. Perhaps he hadn't been sleeping. Deng Chuan helped him call everyone, who were groggy, to get off the car. They walked inside the East Gate.

The security guard at the gate booth was used to strange sights, and even teased the teacher leading them in: "Teacher, how come you didn't drink with the students?"

The guide teacher responded with a smile: "I'm old, can't be youthful with the young ones anymore—otherwise coming back would be a hassle."

Fortunately, the campus shuttle was very convenient, and everyone lived in the same dormitory building. Deng Chuan said goodbye to the guide teacher who had escorted them all to the dormitory ground floor, and walked toward her dorm.

Pushing open the door, the other three people in the dorm were all there. Seeing her come in, they greeted her one after another. Deng Chuan was still wearing her formal wear for the semi-final defense. Xie Yao was exceptionally excited upon seeing her and rushed up to hold her hand: "Say to me 'Okay, okay, okay, everything you say is right.'"

Deng Chuan cooperated and said, "Okay, okay, okay, everything you say is right."

Xie Yao screamed: "Thanks! That hit the spot!"

Seeing Deng Chuan frown in confusion, Zhou Zhi explained, "She thinks you look particularly like one side of her CP right now. She's been looking forward to your return since the afternoon so she can ship the real person."

Xie Yao slapped the table excitedly: "Really super alike, the ascetic and calm loyal dog prosecutor, who understands..."

Deng Chuan asked her, "Then can I ask, what type is my CP?"

"An ice-mountain elder sister police officer," Xie Yao said. "I haven't found a real person to stand in for this one yet, so wrong yourself for a bit and date a paper person first."

"Okay." Deng Chuan put down her things while talking nonsense with her. "As long as you're happy."

Smelling the alcohol on her, Xie Yao started shipping it to death again, spouting words that no one could understand. Deng Chuan couldn't figure out her excited brain circuits and went to pack her things and shower on her own.

When she came out of the shower, the dorm had quieted down; everyone was getting ready to sleep. There wasn't much to do today, so Deng Chuan managed to lie in bed at the proper sleeping time and started a video call with Xu Wei.

Xu Wei leaned against the headboard holding Zhou Liu. She looked to be in a very good mood, exhibiting Zhou Liu's belly and paw pads to the camera with great interest, beginning the routine daily parent-child time.

Zhou Liu docilely let her manipulate him, but his patience was limited; after a while, he turned his back and lay in Xu Wei's arms, starting to be uncooperative.

Xu Wei stroked his head idly, leaning close to the camera to talk to Deng Chuan, her lips appearing rosy, gentle, and bright in the dim light of the bedside lamp: "Was today tiring?"

The little friend's eyes looked very sleepy. Xu Wei watched Deng Chuan try hard to open her eyes wide to respond to her: "Mn—it was okay, not very tired."

Her eyelashes drooped down, then lifted up: "Our defense results today were pretty good. We might get an award."

But Deng Chuan wasn't a prideful person, so she added, "But you probably won this award when you were in university too, so, it's nothing much, but still quite happy."

Xu Wei coaxed her: "No—I didn't win it in university. Our Deng Chuan is so amazing. Praise you."

Deng Chuan gave a silly laugh. She turned over, hugging the duvet and looking at the camera: "Miss you—"

Xu Wei asked softly, "Besides missing me?"

"Mn—"

Xu Wei waited for Deng Chuan to continue, but Deng Chuan 'mn-ed' for a long time without saying anything; this dragged-out sound almost became an act of spoiling for affection.

Zhou Liu in her arms moved his ears, scratching Xu Wei's palm until it tickled. Xu Wei curled her fingers, smiling secretly because of this act of acting cute. She smiled and cleared her throat, her voice carrying a bit of charm as she said, "You still haven't sung for me?"

Deng Chuan asked her, "Sing now?"

Xu Wei leaned back, looking very expectant. "Mn, now. Do you have to pick a date to sing for me? Sing quickly, sing quickly—"

Deng Chuan unknowingly closed her eyes, her voice becoming slurred: "Mn—okay, let me think—"

She thought for quite a while. Just when Xu Wei almost thought she had fallen asleep, she heard her begin to sing softly:

"Starry starry night,

Paint your palette blue and grey,

Look out on a summer's day,

With eyes that know the darkness in my soul……"

This was a soothing and sad song. Deng Chuan sang very, very softly, but her enunciation was very clear, allowing Xu Wei to hear every lyric clearly.

The little friend's voice got lighter and lighter, but she finished singing the whole song completely, then opened her eyes to say goodnight to Xu Wei.

"Goodnight." Deng Chuan no longer held back her fatigue. She rested her head in the duvet, her brows clearly relaxing, and added, "I don't know why, but singing to you makes my heart feel very quiet."

Xu Wei's gaze softened with her words. "You've been too tired recently," she said. "Deng Chuan. Facing change, perhaps you don't need to make changes. Don't push yourself too hard."

Xu Wei's voice was as gentle as the song Deng Chuan had just sung: "We still have a lot of time. Don't rush."

"Go to sleep quickly." Xu Wei spoke very, very softly, as if afraid of waking Deng Chuan's sweet dreams—

"Goodnight, I love you."

While Xu Wei spoke, Deng Chuan didn't say anything. The video call was hung up by Xu Wei, and the phone screen returned to the chat page between the two, then went completely dark.

In the silence, Deng Chuan buried her head into the soft duvet.

The scent of detergent drilled into her nose, canceling out some of the sourness at the tip of her nose from crying. The pressure, helplessness, confusion, and loss brought by the busyness of this period dissipated in Xu Wei's words, just like the singing in the taxi tonight dissipated into the Beijing evening breeze.

Amidst the spreading tears and love, a lightning-like intuition descended. Just as it was logical for her to open her mouth and tell Xu Wei 'I love you', Deng Chuan suddenly understood the key to solving the problem.

She covered her weeping eyes with her hand, feeling her wet eyelashes touching her own palm, just like the tides of life rushing towards her.

But she was fearless now; her heart burned hot with love and tears. Facing the busyness and choices that had plagued her all this time, Deng Chuan thought with heroic spirit and without shrinking back: She must grasp onto something, something she could never give up and would never give up. Only these things would prevent her from degenerating into a mediocre adult amidst the tempering of frost and raging fire.

Get instant access to all the chapters now.

Previous Table of Contents Next