Against the Light - Chapter 37
Chapter 37: Revisiting an Old Place
Gu Xinran was too worried to leave her, so she took a taxi to see Bai Yilan home. She waited downstairs, only leaving after she saw the lights on Bai Yilan's floor switch on.
Back home, she immediately called Qu Qi to inform her that she needed to take ten days off. She added that for those ten days, she wouldn't be paying attention to any outside matters. Qu Qi completely lost it, nearly threatening to jump off a building to stop her, but there was no persuading this stubborn woman.
Gu Xinran felt she had no choice. Yilan's condition was too worrying. For the next few days, she needed to help Yilan properly relax and enjoy life, which meant she couldn't let herself be distracted by all the nonsense on Weibo.
As for the film crew, she personally called Zheng Ying—she had only just learned that Zheng Ying was the casting director. She explained that she had a family emergency and needed to take a few days off. Zheng Ying was quite accommodating; as it happened, the crew needed some time to prepare anyway, so she approved the leave.
The next morning, Gu Xinran woke early, quickly washed up, and went downstairs. She had asked Fang Jinghai to bring the car over the previous night, and after a short wait, she saw her arrive right on time.
"Sister, what's going on? Why did you suddenly take time off?" Fang Jinghai asked as soon as she got out of the car, noticing the rolling suitcase beside Gu Xinran.
"Are you going somewhere far? Do you need me to come with you?"
"No, that's alright. You should take these next few days to rest too. You've been working hard."
"Oh, don't say that. I haven't really done much," Fang Jinghai said, handing her the car keys and helping her put the luggage in the trunk.
"Alright then, Sister. Take care."
"Mm."
Gu Xinran got in the car and drove straight to Yilan's apartment. Once she was downstairs, she gave Yilan a call.
The phone rang for a moment before Yilan answered.
"I'm downstairs waiting for you. Pack a few changes of clothes and come down."
Bai Yilan was silent for a moment, then chuckled softly. "Are we going on vacation?"
Gu Xinran listened closely to her voice and felt a little more reassured; she sounded much better than yesterday. "Mm, you'll see when you get down here."
While she waited, she went to a nearby convenience store for some snacks and water, then stopped at a breakfast shop to pick up two meals.
Twenty minutes later, Yilan appeared, pulling a suitcase of her own. She wore no makeup, her face completely bare, and was dressed in simple casual clothes with a pink baseball cap. As she emerged from the building, she tugged the brim of her cap down.
Gu Xinran got out to help her with the suitcase, and then they both settled into the car.
She first took a look at Yilan's face; she still looked exhausted.
"Didn't you sleep well again last night?" Gu Xinran asked, handing her the breakfast.
She murmured her thanks and glanced around. "Where are you taking me?"
"Fasten your seatbelt," Gu Xinran said with a smile. "It's a bit of a long drive. You can take a nap after you finish eating."
She didn't reply, simply lowering her head to eat her breakfast, the cap's brim obscuring her face. Gu Xinran watched her for a long moment before turning her eyes to the road and focusing on driving.
Yilan didn't ask any more questions, and neither of them spoke.
Strangely, though, while the car was quiet enough to hear only the sounds of chewing, the awkward atmosphere that had previously filled their time alone was absent.
"Shouldn't you let the film crew know we're leaving?" Gu Xinran asked casually. "We'll be gone for a while. They might worry about you."
"Mm." Bai Yilan took out her phone and sent a text message to Jin Shuang, considering the matter handled.
"And your manager is okay with you just running off like this?" Bai Yilan asked, a little puzzled.
"It's fine. She can't control me. Worst case, I'll just have to earn more money for her later."
Bai Yilan chuckled softly.
The car entered the highway, and the journey grew a little dull. Gu Xinran glanced over to see Yilan staring blankly out the window.
"Aren't you going to sleep for a while?"
"I can't."
"Your mind is a mess, isn't it?" Gu Xinran asked. "The moment things get quiet, it feels like a flood of random thoughts rushes in, and you can't stop them."
Bai Yilan looked at her.
"I was like that for a while, too."
"Oh?"
"My wife," Gu Xinran said, glancing at her with a small smile, unhesitatingly tearing open her own most painful scar.
"When my wife first passed away, I was just like that. It was as if my brain had a will of its own, constantly racing with thoughts, never stopping for a moment. I was anxious every day, always teetering on the edge of a breakdown. I even tried to kill myself."
A flicker of surprise crossed Bai Yilan's eyes.
"Yes, twice. But I didn't succeed either time. It was as if she was protecting me, not letting me die. Afterward, I started to think that I should live on, even if only for her sake—to live for the both of us."
Bai Yilan sat up a little straighter, her expression shifting as she understood the meaning behind Gu Xinran's words.
She was baring her own scars to remind her not to give up on life. To live on, even if only for the beautiful memories they once shared.
"Some scars only heal once they're opened up," Gu Xinran said, seeing the thoughtful look on her face and knowing she understood.
Bai Yilan glanced at her and offered a faint smile.
"Get some sleep. We still have a long way to go, and once we arrive, there won't be much time for rest."
"Mm." Bai Yilan leaned back against the seat and tried to close her eyes.
Gu Xinran took the cue and put on some soothing music to help her sleep.
The midday sun, accompanied by a pleasant breeze, brushed through her hair. Bai Yilan slowly opened her eyes to find the car had stopped. Both side doors were wide open, letting in a gentle, warm, and indescribably comfortable breeze.
She glanced at the time and realized she had slept for over three hours. Waking up from this nap, she not only felt more refreshed, but even her vision seemed to have improved.
Gu Xinran, who had been sitting by the roadside getting some fresh air, noticed Yilan was awake and immediately stood up and walked over.
"Are we there?" Bai Yilan asked, rubbing her shoulder.
"Not yet. We're just taking a break at a service area to eat something."
Bai Yilan got out of the car, stretched lazily, and moved around a bit. The two of them had a small meal before getting back on the road.
Bai Yilan tilted her head to look at the sky. It was a brilliant blue, filled with bright sunshine and clouds stacked upon one another, forming all sorts of shapes.
She stared at the beautiful clouds for a long time, suddenly realizing how long it had been since she'd last looked at the sky this way—able to let go of everything, her mind completely clear.
"How did you and she meet?" Gu Xinran asked suddenly.
"Hm?"
"At a friend's birthday party."
Gu Xinran waited for her to continue, but nothing followed.
"And then?"
"And then… I fell for her at first sight. I was completely smitten."
Gu Xinran paused, a little surprised. "You were the one who pursued her?"
"Yes."
Gu Xinran smiled. She really couldn't imagine Yilan believing in love at first sight. Then again, she thought, they had a whirlwind three-month romance before getting married. There probably wasn't much time to get to know each other.
"What are you smiling at?"
"Nothing. It's just that the plot sounds a little cliché."
"What about you, then? How did you two get together?" Bai Yilan retorted.
"At a company gala. She was there with her family," Gu Xinran said, trailing off.
"Oh? And then?"
"And then, I… fell for her at first sight."
"…?"
"Your story… doesn't sound much more original."
"Ahem…"
The two tacitly agreed to treat each other as ordinary friends, and the conversation began to flow. They chatted idly, making the rest of the journey much more pleasant.
In the evening, the car turned onto a narrow, bumpy road that was difficult to navigate.
Bai Yilan glanced at the scenery outside and froze.
"Kema Mountain?"
"Yes," Gu Xinran nodded.
Bai Yilan gazed into the distance at the tall mountain. The last time she'd been here was for a film shoot. She and the crew had stayed for nearly a month, getting along wonderfully with the local villagers. She had even promised to come back and visit someday. She never imagined ten years would pass in the blink of an eye.
"How did you know about this place?" Bai Yilan asked, surprised.
"I looked up the filming locations for Life Like Summer Flowers online."
While searching online the previous night, she had been surprised to discover that this mountain had almost the same name as the Kema Mountain where she had lived in seclusion in her past life. It was also an area inhabited by ethnic minorities. After Life Like Summer Flowers was released, the place had become a wildly popular tourist destination for a time, though the number of visitors had dwindled after the initial craze faded.
Upon learning this, she had immediately decided to bring Yilan back to this meaningful place. Yilan had entered the industry at twenty and filmed her debut work here; she was bound to have a special attachment to it.
No longer lounging lazily against the seat, Yilan sat up straight, craning her neck to look out the window. "This place is so much better than last time. There wasn't even a road then; cars couldn't get in."
A faint smile played on Bai Yilan's lips, a clear sign that her mood was improving.
Gu Xinran breathed a silent sigh of relief. It seemed she had made the right decision.
Half an hour later, they arrived at the foot of the mountain.
Bai Yilan got out of the car and spread her arms, feeling the breeze on her face. The mountain air was exceptionally fresh, carrying a faint, sweet scent.
Gu Xinran got out as well and stretched. Her neck was stiff from driving all day.
She had researched the area beforehand, so she led Yilan to a hotel to check in.
They returned to their respective rooms to freshen up.
After dinner at a small local restaurant, they tacitly went for a walk near the base of the mountain.
It was perfectly quiet, save for the occasional startled bird taking flight. They strolled along, soaking in the atmosphere of nature.
Gu Xinran pulled her down to sit on the ground and pointed up at the stars.
Bai Yilan tilted her head back. The stars were huge and bright. As far as she could see, there was a brilliant sea of stars!
"You can't see stars this beautiful in the city."
"Thank you for bringing me here," Bai Yilan said, her expression completely relaxed as she raised a hand as if to grasp the stars.
Gu Xinran watched her for a moment with a smile, then casually picked up a willow leaf from the ground and began to play with it.
"You said you once lived alone in the mountains for a while?" Bai Yilan asked.
"Hm?"
"Yes. After my wife passed away, I went to live in seclusion."
Bai Yilan nodded. Realizing she might have touched on a painful subject, she didn't ask any more questions.
They sat in silence for a while before Bai Yilan suddenly tilted her head and looked at her. "There's something I've always wanted to ask you."
"Yes?"
"How… old are you?"
Gu Xinran thought for a moment. "Do you want the truth?"
"Yes."
"Sixty-eight."
"???" Bai Yilan froze, startled, before quickly composing herself. "Ahem, sorry. I… I could tell you were very mature, but I didn't expect…" For a moment, Bai Yilan found it hard to accept, pressing a hand to her forehead.
Gu Xinran gave her a beautiful smile. "It's fine. For the next few days, you don't have to hold back. Say whatever you want, do whatever you want."
"I'll be here with you," Gu Xinran added, gently placing the wreath she had woven from the leaves on Bai Yilan's head.
Yilan looked up at her, and they exchanged a smile. "Thank you."
"It was a long trip today. You should go back and rest. Get a good night's sleep, and we'll go up the mountain tomorrow," Gu Xinran said, naturally brushing the bangs from her forehead.
"Okay."
They walked back to the hotel. At the door to Yilan's room, Gu Xinran paused. "Rest well. Don't think about anything."
"Okay."
"Good night?"
"Mm."
Late at night, while Bai Yilan was sound asleep, she was startled by a strange noise. Groggy, she opened her eyes and saw a dark shadow moving behind the curtains.
She let out a terrified gasp, her scalp tingling. In her panic, she rolled right off the bed.
The fall shocked her into full alertness, but before she could calm down, she heard the sound of a cat meowing.
The sound exploded in her ears like thunder, and she shuddered, trembling with fear.
"Yilan?" Gu Xinran was passing by her door when she heard the noise from inside and immediately called out.
"Yilan, what's wrong?"
Bai Yilan took a deep breath, forcing herself to calm down. Staring at the swaying curtains and the distinctly cat-like silhouette behind them, she found she couldn't even stand. She struggled to the door and unlocked it.
"Yilan?" Gu Xinran pushed the door open and saw her sitting on the floor by the entrance. Her forehead was beaded with sweat, her face was frighteningly pale, and she was trembling slightly. Alarmed, Gu Xinran immediately knelt and pulled her into a hug.
"Yilan? What happened?"
Bai Yilan closed her eyes, feeling a sliver of security in Xinran's embrace.
She pointed a trembling finger toward the window.
"A cat…"
Gu Xinran frowned and followed her gaze. Her heart sank.
After helping Yilan settle, she walked over and pulled back the curtains. It was indeed a cat—a fat orange tabby whose white fur was dirty enough to look gray, lounging lazily on the outer windowsill.
She opened the window, and the startled cat immediately fled.
Gu Xinran leaned out to look around. Only when she saw no sign of the cat did she relax.
She closed the window, returned to Yilan's side, and helped her up onto the bed.
"It's okay now, the cat is gone," Xinran soothed, noticing that Yilan was clutching her right elbow with her left hand.
"Let me see." She carefully rolled up Yilan's right sleeve. Her elbow was a little red, likely from when she fell. Gu Xinran gently rubbed the spot.
"Are you really afraid of cats?" Xinran asked, puzzled.
"Yes." Yilan was still shaken and glanced uneasily at the window.
"Don't worry, it's gone."
"Why are you afraid of them? Did a cat scratch you once?"
Bai Yilan shook her head. "No. I don't know why, I'm just terrified of them, especially strays."
"You were born that way?" Gu Xinran's expression grew even more puzzled.
"Yes," Bai Yilan nodded, calming down slightly.
"What is it?" Yilan asked, noticing Gu Xinran seemed distracted.
"Nothing. I was just thinking about my wife."
"Her? Was she also afraid of cats?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"She actually wasn't afraid of them before. She loved small animals. But… some terrible people hung a dead cat on our door when I wasn't home. It terrified her."
Bai Yilan was shocked. "Why would they do that?"
Gu Xinran's eyes darkened. "In my era, same-sex relationships weren't accepted. Extremists who were against it would call themselves righteous, standing on a moral high ground as they hurt others without restraint."
"Because it wasn't accepted, no one would speak up for us. Everything we endured was seen as something we brought upon ourselves."
Bai Yilan was stunned.
Neither of them spoke. Gu Xinran gently moved her arm. "Does it still hurt?"
Bai Yilan, still reeling, looked at her with a complicated expression.
"What is it?"
Bai Yilan shook her head, then suddenly frowned and studied her more closely. It was past two in the morning, yet Gu Xinran was fully dressed. There were noticeable scratches on her clothes, and she felt slightly damp.
"You went out?"
"Yes."
Bai Yilan waited for an explanation, but none came.
"It's still early. Go back to sleep. I'll stay here with you."
Without waiting for a reply, she pulled the blanket over Yilan, staying with her until she fell asleep, just as she had on the day of the thunderstorm.
Early the next morning, Yilan was jolted awake by a nightmare.
She opened her eyes. The light in the room was still on, and Xinran was slumped over the edge of the bed, fast asleep.
Perhaps because it had been on her mind, she had spent the latter half of the night dreaming of the very scene Xinran had described.
She dreamed that a girl was about to leave her house, but the moment she opened the door, she recoiled in horror. A rope was tied to the doorframe, and from it hung the corpse of an orange cat, suspended upside down by its tail.
Cat's blood was splattered on the ground, mixed with black ink. Words like "Disgusting" were scrawled on the door in the bloody mixture, which dripped to the ground in a particularly gruesome way.
In the yard, blooming orchids had been smashed with bricks, leaving a complete mess.
Outside the yard, people saw her emerge and began to point, shout curses, and throw mud at her.
Every face was contorted with thick disgust, as if they wished she were dead.
She was furious and filled with hate, yet utterly powerless.
And then, she woke up, seething.
She didn't know why she would have such a dream, just as she didn't know why she so often dreamed of a woman caught in a forest fire, her face ruined beyond recognition.
Gu Xinran groggily reached out a hand to the bed, only to find it empty. She woke with a start and looked up to see Yilan standing by the window, gazing outside.
"Why are you awake so early?" She got up and walked over, naturally touching Yilan's shoulder before turning to grab a jacket and drape it over her. "The temperature fluctuates a lot in the mountains. It's chilly in the mornings and evenings."
"Thank you."
"Did you sleep well?"
"Yes, very well," Bai Yilan said with a faint smile. "This must have been hard on you." She unconsciously reached out and touched the dark circles under Gu Xinran's eyes.
Gu Xinran froze, feeling the cool touch of Yilan's fingertips. She smiled. "Well then, shall we get some breakfast and then head up the mountain for a walk?"
"Okay."
At breakfast, Yilan didn't seem to have much of an appetite and appeared to be in low spirits. Seeing this, Xinran decided to take her straight up the mountain.
As they climbed, Bai Yilan grew puzzled. She remembered the mountain path being rugged and difficult to walk, but this time, with Xinran leading the way, it was as if the sharp rocks and overgrown branches had eyes, perfectly avoiding their path. It was too strange, wasn't it?
Puzzled, she looked at Xinran, who walked as if on level ground, her steps confident, as if she knew the mountain like the back of her hand.
Bai Yilan suddenly frowned, the memory of the scratches on Gu Xinran's clothes and the scrapes on her arms from the night before flashing in her mind.
"Last night… you came up here?"
"Hm?"
"We left in such a hurry, I didn't have time to prepare, so I had to use a cruder method," Gu Xinran replied. The night before, she had gone up the mountain in the dark to clear a small path, hoping to prevent any unnecessary injuries during their climb. She wasn't worried about herself, but about Yilan.
Hearing her say it so casually moved Bai Yilan deeply, but her expression changed in the next instant.
"No wonder she has new injuries," she grumbled, pouting with feigned anger.
"??" Shouldn't you be worried about me?
"I know, I'll be more careful next time," Gu Xinran said, not knowing whether to laugh or cry.
They continued their idle chat, slowly making their way halfway up the mountain. Spotting a small stream in the distance, Gu Xinran suggested they head over and take a break.
Bai Yilan sat by the stream, her chin resting in her hand and a tranquil expression on her face. Listening to the gurgling water, she felt her spirits lift.
The air was filled with the rich, fresh scent of plants and trees. The gentle breeze, the warm sun, the chirping cicadas, the flowing water—she quietly absorbed the beauty of nature, and for a moment, she even considered staying for a while.
She lay back on the ground. Even the earth felt warm and smelled wonderful. It was perfect.
Gu Xinran wasn't quite as adept at relaxing. She crouched by the stream, cupped some water in her hands, and took a small sip. It was clear and cold, with a sweet taste.
Just as she was about to drink her fill, she heard…
"Don't drink cold water. Her stomach is delicate."
"…" Gu Xinran froze, watching the water trickle through her fingers. She glanced back at Yilan, who was lying on the ground with one hand behind her head and the other shielding her eyes. She clearly wasn't looking at her.
Gu Xinran carefully scooped up another handful of water, her eyes fixed on Yilan as she tested the boundaries. But the moment she brought her hands to her lips, she felt a gaze so intense it was almost physical. Yilan was staring right at her.
This was unreal!
Gu Xinran let the water spill, and only then did Yilan retract her gaze.
She sat for a while longer, then her interest was piqued when she saw a fish swim by. She went over to a tree, found two forked branches, and tied them together with a piece of string to fashion a makeshift spear.
Returning to the stream, she rolled up her pant legs and was about to take off her shoes when…
"You're not allowed in the water. It's too cold."
"…?"
Gu Xinran froze again, looking at Yilan with an expression of utter helplessness.
"I mean, for someone of your advanced age, how can you be so bad at taking care of yourself?" Bai Yilan asked, glancing at her with genuine concern.
"I…" Xinran was speechless.
This woman… is she really not just calling me old?
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