ORCBRB – Chapter 63
Chapter 63
A short ‘ding’ sounded from the elevator. Jian Cenyu stepped out first, and the motion-sensor light in the hallway turned on, stretching her shadow long.
The two had been silent the entire way. It wasn't until they were inside the apartment that Sang Shi'an’s nose tingled, unable to hold back her emotions. “I’ll go to my room first. You can take whatever you want.”
Jian Cenyu watched Sang Shi'an walk past her, then turned and said in a quiet voice, “Okay.”
Her tone was normal, giving no hint that they were on the verge of breaking up and moving out. Sang Shi'an visibly stiffened. “When you’re done packing, you can call me to help you move things.”
Jian Cenyu still said, “Okay.”
It was as if, hurt by Sang Shi'an's words, she had completely lost all hope in her.
The night wind blew in through a window that wasn't fully closed, like falling snow on a mountain. Sang Shi'an’s long eyelashes trembled, and she quickly shut her bedroom door.
The apartment’s soundproofing was too good; Sang Shi'an couldn't hear Jian Cenyu packing. She went to the bathroom and saw her own face in the mirror, pale as a ghost. In the past, she would have run to Jian Cenyu to show off how fair and beautiful her skin was, only to be scolded by Jian Cenyu for not dressing properly.
But tonight, she pulled her lips into a self-deprecating smile, quietly removed her makeup, and placed a compress over her eyes for a while, trying her best not to let Jian Cenyu see anything unusual about her.
When Jian Cenyu knocked on the bedroom door, Sang Shi'an was curled up on the sofa, lost in a daze. The abrupt sound was almost the only sign of life in her room, and her tightly clenched heart finally felt a sense of being alive.
She went to open the door and saw Jian Cenyu with a twenty-inch suitcase. She asked in confusion, “Is that all you have? Don’t you have a lot of your documents, books, and your computer in the study?”
“Yes, I know.” Jian Cenyu pointed toward Sang Shi'an’s bedroom and asked, “Can I go in to get my things? Is it convenient?”
Sang Shi'an was taken aback. Her room did indeed contain a lot of clothes and jewelry she had taken from Jian Cenyu, many of which Jian Cenyu had bought for her. Along with a sense of regret, a wave of helplessness washed over her.
Just yesterday, she and Jian Cenyu could freely enter each other's rooms. Now, they had reverted to the distant politeness of when they had just reunited.
Sang Shi'an gave a faint smile. “You can. Come in.”
Jian Cenyu walked straight in and asked, “Where did you put those outfits from before? I can help you get rid of them.”
Sang Shi'an understood almost instantly which outfits she meant.
—The ones Kitty wore.
She had wanted to throw them away before, but now that Jian Cenyu brought them up, she couldn't bear to part with them. Yet, she had spoken so decisively. If she refused, Jian Cenyu would surely become suspicious. “In the leftmost wardrobe.”
Jian Cenyu opened the wardrobe and looked for a moment. “That one doesn’t seem to be here.”
Hearing this, Sang Shi'an walked over, her tone becoming serious. “Which one do you have your eye on? I’ve kept all the clothes here and haven’t thrown any away. Let me help you find it.”
“Have my eye on…” Jian Cenyu scanned the room. “I have my eye on… the person who was angry with me for four years, then made me fall in love at first sight upon our reunion. The one I coveted day and night for over a hundred days, and who, when I felt hopeless, sought me out online and gave me new hope. Her name is… Sang Shi'an.”
Sang Shi'an’s hand gripping the wardrobe door tightened abruptly. Her lips parted slightly, and she swallowed twice to suppress the sob rising in her throat before finding her normal voice. “My morals are low; I toyed with your feelings.”
Jian Cenyu chuckled lightly and raised her voice, “My character is terrible; I coerced and tempted you.”
They were both referring to the time when Kitty was dating her online.
Sang Shi'an fell silent. She realized that Jian Cenyu didn't seem to have given up on her.
Without turning her head, Sang Shi'an said with feigned ease, “Oh, is that so? Even better. I have no psychological burden at all for dumping you.”
Jian Cenyu slowly approached Sang Shi'an. “But An'an, I like you so much. Do you really think you can get away?”
Sang Shi'an was incredulous. The wardrobe door bumped her right shoulder, and she slammed it open again. “What did you say?”
“Didn’t you already understand my true nature when you were Kitty? My possessiveness and desire to control you are so strong. How could you abandon me?”
Jian Cenyu moved closer, her light-colored eyes swirling with an emotion Sang Shi'an couldn't comprehend—it seemed both suppressed and joyful. She asked, “Why are you looking at me like that? Are you angry?”
With a thud, Sang Shi'an was completely backed against the right wardrobe door. Before she could take a step away, she was pinned by Jian Cenyu.
The emotions from hearing Sang Shi'an break up with her at the bar entrance and disparage herself in such a way finally erupted. A paranoid, frantic emotion surfaced all over her.
She was far stranger than she had been on Christmas Eve, a Jian Cenyu that Sang Shi'an had never seen before.
“Let go of me. We’ve already broken up, how many times do I have to say it? Or do you want me to repeat those reasons for you again? Then listen carefully—”
Her torrent of words was sealed between her lips and teeth as Jian Cenyu held her chin and kissed her fiercely.
To call it a kiss might not be accurate; it was more like a punishment. It was truly fierce and deep. From the very beginning, the root of Sang Shi'an’s tongue ached from being pulled, carrying a love that was cornered and inexplicable, along with an ever-intensifying possessiveness that refused to let go.
Jian Cenyu kissed Sang Shi'an heavily. The fact that she retracted her teeth and didn't draw blood was the last shred of tenderness. As for Sang Shi'an’s unbearable whimpers and reddened eyes, they were not within her consideration.
“Why is An'an trembling?” Jian Cenyu seemed puzzled, gently stroking Sang Shi'an’s long hair.
“Didn’t An'an already know I was a strange person? I’ve liked you for so long, suppressed it for so long. Why weren’t you afraid before, but now you are?”
Sang Shi'an: “I’m sorry, I…”
“Open your eyes.” Jian Cenyu’s voice suddenly rose, her fingertips stroking Sang Shi'an’s jaw, both heavy and gentle.
Sang Shi'an’s shoulders trembled, and she opened her eyes.
The warmth of the fingertips grew hotter, and the skin they brushed against felt like it was on fire. Jian Cenyu’s voice was soft and slow. “Doesn’t An'an like me a lot? Even if you didn’t at first, haven’t you grown to like me during this time? Why do you want to dump me now?”
As Jian Cenyu spoke, the pressure from her hand increased, until her fingers once again kneaded Sang Shi'an's lips.
Sang Shi'an opened her mouth and bit Jian Cenyu, finally ceasing her evasion. “Are you some kind of masochist? I’ve already said all that, and you still have to chase after me and ask? Fine, if you don’t believe those things, then I’ll tell you the reason.”
“I deceived you emotionally, don’t you understand? If I hadn’t fallen for you later, if I were straight, you would have been emotionally deceived by me and had your sexual orientation exposed in front of your family.”
“You would lose the Sang family's help, you would lose your inheritance of Jian Corporation, you would lose everything you've worked so hard for all these years!”
“What, you’d still like me even if I were that kind of person? Huh? Jian Cenyu, you’re twenty-four years old, can’t you have a sense of right and wrong? Do you think that after all this has come out, I can just pretend nothing happened and date you with a clear conscience?”
“How low would my morals have to be? Even trash like Jian Zhenyang is more upright than me. Do you think I can be at peace? Do you have to make me spend the rest of my life with you while burdened by guilt?”
Jian Cenyu froze, a trace of panic flashing in her eyes.
Sensing Jian Cenyu’s hesitation, Sang Shi'an took a deep breath and softened her voice. “Let me go, and let yourself go too.”
Jian Cenyu shook her head firmly.
“If your brother’s marriage partner had been another girl who also happened to like girls, would you have started an online relationship with her yourself? When she asked you to pull your clothes, would you have trusted her enough to actually do it? And all those days and nights of catering to her afterward—Sang Shi'an, you’ve never been one to compromise. If it weren’t for me, would you have done those things?”
Jian Cenyu’s eyes reddened, her breathing quickening. “You just hadn’t realized you liked girls yet, hadn’t realized you liked me. If it were anyone else, you wouldn’t have even taken the first step. You’ve liked me for a long time.”
Sang Shi'an’s lips moved, about to say ‘no,’ but Jian Cenyu kissed her again with reckless abandon, as if fearing that a second’s delay would allow Sang Shi'an to say something she didn't want to hear.
“You say you deceived me emotionally, that you can’t have a clear conscience. But I also took advantage of your ignorance, making you wear so many outfits to please me for so many days. And I knew all along. If we’re really comparing, aren’t I even more despicable?”
Sang Shi'an choked back a sob and reached for Jian Cenyu’s hand. “No, Jian Cenyu, I…”
Jian Cenyu covered Sang Shi'an’s mouth. “It’s okay. I’ve seen your exam schedule. You don’t need to study for Marxism for too long, right? We still have several days to discuss whose character is worse.”
Sang Shi'an instinctively took a step back. “What do you mean, several days? What are you planning to do?”
“Didn’t you ask me before what my ‘special kink’ was? I said that at the beginning of the semester, it meant my sexual orientation was different from the norm—I like girls. After getting to know you, it became about wanting to do many excessive things to you.”
The expression on Jian Cenyu’s face suddenly changed. She broke into a smile almost instantly, as if shedding her ‘flower on a high peak’ facade and unleashing the demon hidden within.
Her eyes no longer looked fierce; they just grew redder and redder.
She said, “I didn’t want to be so excessive before, but now I think it’s better to lock you up. That way, you’ll listen to my explanation obediently and won’t let your mind wander to bizarre things like having low morals.”
Sang Shi'an swallowed, a sudden chill running down her spine.
It seemed she had underestimated Jian Cenyu’s feelings for her. She—
It seemed she had driven Jian Cenyu mad.
This was clearly not what Sang Shi'an had intended.
Sang Shi'an coughed lightly and said as gently as she could, “I said those things just now because I’d been drinking and my head wasn’t clear. You know me best, don’t you? I was just throwing a tantrum. We can talk things out properly. There’s no need to do something illegal, right?”
She looked at Jian Cenyu’s face, suddenly thinking this was a good line of persuasion. “Right, you don’t want us to end up at the police station, do you? I’ll reconsider what you said. Let’s both go back to our rooms and get a good night’s sleep. Don’t take your luggage with you yet. We can talk properly tomorrow when we’re clear-headed, okay—”
“I packed my luggage to come live with you,” Jian Cenyu interrupted her coldly, as if delivering an ultimatum.
Sang Shi'an: …
Jian Cenyu added, “If I go back to my room now, you’ll sneak away in less than half an hour.”
“As for the police station, someone has to report it for us to end up there. You like me so much, would you have the heart to do that?”
Sang Shi'an: …
This was going nowhere.
Jian Cenyu cornered Sang Shi'an step by step, making the spacious walk-in closet feel suffocatingly small.
“Why do you insist on leaving me?” Jian Cenyu was still asking, as if Sang Shi'an’s desire to break up meant she would cling to her relentlessly.
“Even if you feel guilty towards me, do you think you can have a clear conscience after provoking me and then casting me aside?”
Sang Shi'an closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them. “I can’t, but—”
Jian Cenyu finally pinned Sang Shi'an against the wardrobe again. “You think leaving me is the best thing for me. Sang Shi'an, have you ever considered whether I agree?”
“You’ve shackled yourself with layer after layer of restrictions. Is this a relationship? Are you a saint? Huh? When other people bully you, why aren’t you so saintly? Why is it only with me that you have to be so conventional?”
Jian Cenyu paused for a moment and let out a short laugh. “It seems you’re not listening to anything anymore.”
Sang Shi'an was about to go mad too. “I’ve never been a saint! But what if I just want to be that way for you? I can’t bear to let others bully you, so how could I bully you myself? Why, why? If you like me so much, why do you have to force me?”
“I have to force you.” Jian Cenyu’s voice suddenly deepened. She bent down, scooped Sang Shi'an up, and held her tightly in her arms. Ignoring Sang Shi'an’s struggles, she walked out of the walk-in closet with a grim expression.
Only then did Sang Shi'an realize that what Jian Cenyu had said earlier wasn't a joke; she really intended to do it. “Put me down, Jian Cenyu! If you do this, I’m going to get—”
Sang Shi'an’s voice cut off abruptly as Jian Cenyu pushed her onto the bed and suddenly kissed her.
She felt the friction of fabric on her wrists. Jian Cenyu had pulled a decorative tie from somewhere and was tying her hands tightly while pressing down on her, kissing her like she’d gone mad.
It was a chaotic kiss, lips and tongues pushing and tangling. Jian Cenyu held Sang Shi'an’s chin, preventing her from closing her mouth or forming any clear sounds.
Whenever she tried to speak, Jian Cenyu would kiss her deeper, and the sounds that escaped turned into ambiguous, wet noises that made one's scalp tingle.
Just as Sang Shi'an felt she was about to pass out from lack of oxygen, Jian Cenyu finally gave her a chance to breathe.
Jian Cenyu leaned close to her ear, her voice soft and gentle. “You see, An'an, you can be with me even when you’re angry.”
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