ORCBRB – Chapter 62
Chapter 62
On the way to find Sang Shi'an, Jian Cenyu hadn't actually figured out how to explain this matter she had deliberately concealed.
When she realized her sexual orientation, she had already prepared to spend her life alone. She wanted to devote herself to her research and meet her parents' expectations for her at the company; she didn't have much time left for herself.
Growing up in such a family, seeking advantages and avoiding harm was a principle ingrained in her from a young age. Her sexual orientation went against the mainstream, so giving it up was the best choice.
And Jian Cenyu did just that. During her four years of studying abroad, no matter how lonely she was, she never indulged in fast-food-style love like other international students.
Until, she returned to the country and reunited with Sang Shi'an.
The person who had been by her side for so many years still dazzled her with the same intensity, and the emotions she had suppressed for years erupted uncontrollably.
At that time, Sang Shi'an wasn't clear about her own sexual orientation. No matter how much Jian Cenyu wanted Sang Shi'an, she never thought of trying to turn her while she was still naive.
Deliberately drawing a clear line with special habits while living together, the browser history on her computer that clearly indicated her sexual orientation, and even more so, the phrase when Kitty added her as a friend: Let's see your chest first.
These were all her deliberate attempts to scare Sang Shi'an away. She was too wicked; she couldn't control her desire for Sang Shi'an and used such a vile method.
But Sang Shi'an didn't care about any of it, drawing near to her like a moth to a flame.
Even though Jian Cenyu had guessed from the beginning that behind Sang Shi'an's enthusiastic facade, the confessions of love she made as Kitty were for ulterior motives.
Jian Cenyu had been alone for too, too long. When the person she liked was acting to deceive her, she still jumped into the trap without a second thought.
Because that might be the only chance in her life to have Sang Shi'an.
The colder the real Sang Shi'an was to her, the more Jian Cenyu wanted to possess Kitty, who was showing her affection. That crazed, malicious desire grew day and night, eventually transforming into a paranoid obsession to completely possess the real Sang Shi'an.
Fortunately, Sang Shi'an fell in love with her.
Fortunately, Sang Shi'an accepted her courtship.
Otherwise, she didn't know what kind of excessive things she might have done. She was far from the composed, calm, and capable person she appeared to be in front of others.
When Kitty told her they were breaking up, Jian Cenyu was anxious, but she restrained the urge to go find Sang Shi'an. She kept her composure and quietly waited for Sang Shi'an to come home.
But this time, when Sang Shi'an hung up the phone, Jian Cenyu felt an uncontrollable panic. She couldn't stop herself from coming to find Sang Shi'an.
Perhaps it was because the voice on the phone was more emotional than a cold WeChat message, allowing Jian Cenyu to immediately sense Sang Shi'an's mood. Perhaps it was because she had already obtained a relationship with Sang Shi'an, and it was hard to go from luxury to simplicity, making such an outcome even more unacceptable.
Luckily, she came, although what awaited her was a cold—you've been dumped.
Jian Cenyu held Sang Shi'an's shoulders, looking anxiously into her eyes, humbly trying to awaken Sang Shi'an's love for her: "An'an, don't say such angry words. I did know from the beginning that Kitty was you, but I never had any intention of toying with you. I like you so much, how could I bear to toy with you? It's just that you didn't like me back then. If I were too enthusiastic, you would definitely get suspicious, I—"
Sang Shi'an forcefully pushed Jian Cenyu's hands away.
Upon hearing ‘you didn't like me back then,’ the anger of being judged so starkly left her with nowhere to hide.
On the night her identity as Kitty was exposed, she told Jian Cenyu she had pretended to be Kitty to date her in order to break up the arranged marriage. At the time, Jian Cenyu didn't ask, so she subconsciously forgot—that back then, she didn't like Jian Cenyu.
Whether she liked Jian Cenyu or not was very important; it represented her initial motive. If she liked Jian Cenyu, trying to break up the arranged marriage could be said to be for her own love. If she didn't like Jian Cenyu, then it was purely and completely hurtful.
Jian Cenyu knew everything from the very beginning. She knew Kitty was her, and even knew that she didn't like Jian Cenyu back then. She knew all of her malicious thoughts.
Jian Cenyu knew everything.
Sang Shi'an could barely breathe. Compared to Jian Cenyu knowing she was Kitty and still coaxing her to change into one outfit after another, Sang Shi'an asked herself, what she found more unacceptable was the version of herself who had deliberately approached Jian Cenyu back then.
Because she knew about Jian Cenyu's sexual orientation and was worried Jian Cenyu would trick her brother into a sham marriage, she used the Kitty account to get close to Jian Cenyu, attempting to expose her sexuality and pull her down from her pedestal.
She was too wicked.
And too vile.
She had cursed Jian Zhenyang and the Jian family elders countless times behind their backs. She prided herself on protecting Jian Cenyu, not letting anyone bully her.
But in the end, Sang Shi'an discovered that she was the one who had been the cruelest to Jian Cenyu.
Jian Zhenyang's malice was at least out in the open, and Old Master Jian's favoritism was known to all.
But she couldn't even manage that kind of frankness. She had pursued an online relationship with Jian Cenyu with such malicious intentions, yet could act as if nothing had happened when they met. Even after falling for Jian Cenyu later, she accepted all of Jian Cenyu's love with a clear conscience.
She kept talking about Jian Cenyu's sham marriage, but before she fell in love with Jian Cenyu, wasn't she also deceiving her feelings?
And now, Jian Cenyu had even come looking for her specifically. Was it to tell her she was forgiven? How could she possibly be worthy?
In an instant, her heart felt as if it had been pierced, the pain was unbearable.
Sang Shi'an shook her head and backed away. She was unwilling to accept her past self, nor did she dare to face Jian Cenyu: "Jian Cenyu, I don't want to hear it."
She didn't want to hear Jian Cenyu's explanation about Kitty. Perhaps, her constant desire to draw a line with Kitty and not let Jian Cenyu mention her was because of this guilt.
Jian Cenyu's attitude during this time had been very clear. Jian Cenyu had forgiven all her past actions, but she couldn't accept it with a clear conscience.
Sang Shi'an thought to herself, she had deceived Jian Cenyu's feelings once online as Kitty, and then she had deceived Jian Cenyu's feelings again in reality.
She…
She was utterly sinful.
Sang Shi'an didn't even want to apologize or try to win her back anymore. She thought, what was so good about her anyway?
She was just better at being reincarnated than others, which gave her a superior family background, outstanding looks, and the opportunity to know Jian Cenyu early on.
But she was childish, had a bad temper, and had no social experience. Compared to the partner Jian Cenyu needed, she was far too immature.
If Jian Cenyu had liked anyone else, there wouldn't have been so much trouble.
She tried her best to maintain the dignity of an adult on the verge of collapse, and with the greatest malice, said: "I don't want to hear it!"
Jian Cenyu's voice indeed stopped.
Sang Shi'an tried to muster the same smile she had when she broke up with her just now. Her heart was aching so much she could barely breathe, yet she still smiled and said, "Regardless of your purpose in making me wear those clothes to cater to you back then, I can't accept this fact. And you're right, I had malicious intentions towards you from the very beginning. I wanted to expose your sexual orientation, I wanted to ruin your arranged marriage, and I couldn't sleep well at night, afraid you'd swindle my family's money. I was guarding against you like a thief."
"Besides, I'd never liked women before you. I've always liked another older brother. Now I realize I don't actually like you that much. I just found it very fulfilling to be in a relationship with you, and I really enjoyed that feeling. After all, you're the daughter of the Jian family and the campus belle. Seeing you love me to death was incredibly satisfying."
As Sang Shi'an smiled, her gaze couldn't help but drop.
She thought, someone as proud as Jian Cenyu would surely not be able to stand this kind of insult. No matter how good-tempered she was, she should be angered enough to leave, right?
"If toying with me gives you such a sense of accomplishment, why are you crying now?" Jian Cenyu's slightly cool fingertips brushed the corner of Sang Shi'an's eye, wiping away a tear.
Sang Shi'an's breath hitched for a moment, and then the tears became completely unstoppable, flowing more and more. She didn't speak, because she found she couldn't speak anymore.
The moment she opened her mouth, her choked sobs would be revealed.
"The person you like is me, Sang Shi'an."
Jian Cenyu repeated, "You like me."
Sang Shi'an abruptly turned her back and wiped her face harshly. "...Don't flatter yourself."
"When I was little, I would cry my heart out when a dog I'd kept for two days was taken away. Not to mention you and I have known each other for so many years, and you've provided me with more emotional value than a dog during this time." Sang Shi'an's heart clenched into a tight ball. She said, "Of course I'd be sad before dumping you."
It was quiet behind her for a long, long time.
Cars shuttled back and forth on the road, rushing towards their respective homes. Sang Shi'an thought, but her and Jian Cenyu's home was about to be gone.
Her wish to drive Jian Cenyu out was about to be fulfilled.
Sang Shi'an blinked hard, searching her mind for even crueler breakup words, when Jian Cenyu behind her finally spoke: "Is what you said true?"
"Or did you think I really fell in love with you? Jian Cenyu, don't be so naive from all your studying that you think the world is all truth, goodness, and beauty. I just wanted to find a reliable person to experience love with, and you were the most suitable."
"As for the experience, it was just so-so."
"So as soon as I found out tonight that you wronged me in the past, I wanted to break up. But not because you deceived me, but because I finally found a reason to break up."
Sang Shi'an composed herself, her tone light, just like the second-generation rich friends she had seen who played with feelings and dated multiple people at once.
Jian Cenyu's nails dug deep into her palm. She asked in a hoarse voice, "You've decided?"
Sang Shi'an: "Yes. For the sake of our many years of acquaintance, I hope you won't pester me. Also, you can have an arranged marriage with anyone in the future, just not my brother. Otherwise, I'll still make things difficult for you."
"Fine, I understand." Jian Cenyu turned and decisively threw the basket of roses in her hand into a nearby trash can.
The fiery roses were shut into the dark trash can, just like their love, which had been sentenced to death.
Sang Shi'an closed her eyes, trying hard to suppress her sobs. Beneath her heavy winter coat, her body trembled uncontrollably.
"Aren't you coming?" Jian Cenyu's cold voice came from a few meters away.
Sang Shi'an opened her eyes, a little dazed. She quickly composed herself again, preparing to retort with harsh words.
Jian Cenyu's silhouette was slender and sharp, exuding an indescribable distance. "I'm going back to pack my things right now. To avoid you regretting it and finding an excuse to say I took something of yours by mistake, I think it's best you come back with me."
Sang Shi'an was stunned by Jian Cenyu's icy tone. Her pupils constricted, then quickly dilated. "I won't…"
Jian Cenyu frowned, urging her coldly and impatiently, "I assume you don't want any more involvement with me either, so it's best you come along. Now, let's not waste each other's time."
Sang Shi'an suddenly felt like she didn't know Jian Cenyu anymore.
No, she still knew her.
She was no stranger to this version of Jian Cenyu. When Jian Cenyu rejected other boys' confessions of love, she always left them no room for fantasy.
Jian Cenyu was polite to those boys, and she was polite to her too, even willing to drive her home.
Now, she was no different from those boys.
Sang Shi'an's slender body swayed slightly. She wanted to say, 'It's too late tonight, maybe we can wait until tomorrow,' and she also wanted to say, 'Actually, you can keep living at my place, we can just interact like we did at the beginning of the semester.'
She wanted even more to say, 'Everything I just said was a lie, I don't want to break up at all, I'm crazy about you.'
But in the end, Sang Shi'an said nothing.
She silently got into Jian Cenyu's car.
Get instant access to all the chapters now.
Comments
Post a Comment