TGSS - Chapter 50

Chapter 50: I Don't Believe It

"Liang Zhouyi!"

After parting with Xiang Qianqian, Liang Zhouyi rushed down the mountain alone, her face deathly pale. She left Chu He far behind. Her dazed state kept her from noticing how exhausted her body was. Ignoring her increasingly ragged breathing, she just kept her head down and walked. In a moment of inattention she missed a stone step, twisted her ankle, and fell to the ground. Her knee struck hard and she ended up kneeling dejectedly on the steps.

Chu He was so frightened she nearly missed a step herself. She took the steps three at a time and rushed over to help Liang Zhouyi up. Liang Zhouyi hung her head, her loose black hair covering her face completely.

Chu He's heart felt as if it had been tossed into a pan of hot oil, frying in unbearable pain. She took a deep breath, tipped her head back hard to force her tears back, then slipped her arm under Liang Zhouyi's armpit and helped her sit on the steps. She quickly pulled up Liang Zhouyi's pant leg to check. Luckily it was just a scrape. Annoyed, she said, "Why did you suddenly run off like that?"

Seeing Liang Zhouyi still did not answer, Chu He smoothed her pants back down. She coaxed, "Come on, be happy, Liang Zhouyi."

A soft sobbing reached Chu He's ears. She turned with difficulty and met a face streaked with tears. Meeting Liang Zhouyi's rabbit red eyes, Chu He suddenly found herself unable to say anything. She frowned, wanting to comfort Liang Zhouyi, but she did not even have the strength to open her mouth. A dead silence spread. Liang Zhouyi stared hard at Chu He, her lips trembling. Seeing Chu He remain silent, she finally gave her a somewhat hysterical shove that nearly sent Chu He tumbling down. Fortunately Chu He instinctively braced herself with her hands.

"This has to count as domestic violence, right, Liang Zhouyi?" Chu He said with a bitter smile once she had steadied herself.

Liang Zhouyi had felt a flicker of regret, but seeing Chu He still joking around, she instantly did not want to bother with her. Tears just kept streaming down. Only when she had cried until no more tears would come did she ask in a hoarse voice, shooting Chu He a sharp look, "Explain, Chu He."

The morning air on the mountain was very cold. Chu He felt frozen to the core. She smiled faintly and shifted a little closer to Liang Zhouyi. "Ah, this is a long story. I hardly know where to begin."

"Then start from the beginning," Liang Zhouyi said coldly.

Chu He wiped her face, her gaze evading to the blue lake as if to escape. She rested her chin on her hand and sighed deeply, her voice distant. "Let me think. This probably has to start with that System that said it would take me to atone for my sins. One day, well, a guy called the System came to me. He said, Chu He, because you kept making wishes, trading the Romantic Luck of your next life for career luck in this one, your next-life self ended up with terrible fortune..."

After saying this, Chu He was the first to laugh. "Sounds pretty funny, right? You don't believe me either, do you? You think I'm crazy?"

"I wish you were crazy," Liang Zhouyi sniffed, hugging her knees and staring at the winding steps stretching into the distance, her voice almost vicious. "I would rather take care of a lunatic than believe a word of what you are saying now."

Those words nearly made Chu He lose control of her expression. The effort of suppressing her grief twisted her face for an instant, making her look oddly comical. After a long moment she recovered, and there was even a trace of hope in her voice. "Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I imagined it all. But..."

But whether it was her gradually fading body or the way people connected to her were slowly losing their memories of her, everything was proving that her traces in this world were growing fainter, and that one day they would vanish completely.

Liang Zhouyi's hands around her knees were so cold she could barely keep them clasped. She asked numbly, "Then what about your feelings for me... does that liking come from... our identities, or is it because you feel indebted to me?"

Chu He was a little surprised that she had accepted the nature of their relationship so easily. She had expected Liang Zhouyi to find it absurd, unbelievable, even unacceptable. Yet none of that happened. She had accepted it so naturally, and this was what she cared about. Chu He lifted her chin slightly and smiled. "Even if you don't understand me, don't you understand yourself? Are we the kind of people who would force ourselves because of a past life, a present life, or some parallel world?"

It had always been because of love. At first it was the attraction of souls, a strange sense of familiarity and closeness. Wanting to get close was real. Falling for her and wanting to be with her was real. She was not some noble person. Before she met Liang Zhouyi in person, she had never felt any so-called sympathy or indebtedness.

Liang Zhouyi pressed one hand on Chu He's shoulder to stand, looking down at Chu He with narrowed eyes, her voice icy as she curled her lips. "So this is your explanation? But I don't believe it. I won't believe a word of this nonsense! Not a bit, not a single word..."

Chu He slowly held out her hand, signaling for Liang Zhouyi to pull her up. She looked quietly at Liang Zhouyi, who radiated despair, and in that moment she felt it as her own.

"Fine, let's say I assume what you said is true. Since you came to me to help me, then why do you have to... go back now?" Liang Zhouyi still felt a suffocating pain spread through her chest at that word. "Is it because you are done helping, so you want to abandon me, or is it because you can't bear to leave behind whatever you had in that other life?"

Chu He remained silent, unable to answer.

"Then tell me, what did you have in your past life? Money or power? I can give you those too!" Liang Zhouyi flung Chu He's arm away, her mind scattering as she sank into her own fantasy. "Or is it that you can't bear to leave a lover from your past life? So what is it! What is it you can't let go of? Whatever it is, I will make it up to you double! Can you... not go? I'm begging you... Chu He, please, okay?"

Liang Zhouyi's last words were so soft that Chu He had just caught them before the wind carried them away. Her hand, knocked askew, still hung frozen in midair. In the end she pushed herself up from the ground on her own, not bothering about her clothes, now wrinkled from sitting. She just looked at Liang Zhouyi with a calmness she had never shown before. "You know it's not because I want to leave, it's just..."

Before she could finish, Liang Zhouyi clamped a hand tightly over her mouth. With tears in her eyes she shook her head, refusing from the bottom of her heart to hear those words. Instinct told her they were something she could not accept.

"I won't believe it. I'll just pretend you said nothing today. I must be too tired. I'm starting to hear things, to dream... It's all fake, yes, fake..." Liang Zhouyi muttered to deceive herself.

She had only just obtained a little happiness, and Chu He was about to shatter it with her own hands. She could not accept it. Was she not worthy of happiness? For so many years it had always been like this. As expected, her premonitions were right. Someone as dazzling as Chu He would never belong to her. How could any good thing ever fall to her in this world?

"Liang Zhouyi, calm down." Chu He glanced at the woman whose stance was a little crooked and clutched at her hair hard. She had always been able to achieve whatever she set out to do since she was young. Only after meeting Liang Zhouyi did she realize what it meant for emotions to override reason.

"Shut up!" Liang Zhouyi bit the tip of her tongue hard and snapped at her. She lifted her injured leg to head down, but her wrist was seized.

"I'll carry you." Without giving her a chance to argue, Chu He pulled Liang Zhouyi's arm around her neck, crouched halfway, and hoisted her onto her back. By the time Liang Zhouyi realized what was happening, she was already lying on Chu He's back.

Chu He hitched her up by the thighs and said through gritted teeth, trying to sound tough, "You need to eat more. There's nothing left of you but bones."

"Chu He," Liang Zhouyi murmured low in her ear, her arms around Chu He's neck.

"Hmm?"

"Do you know how annoying you are like this?"

"Oh," Chu He said as she carried her down the steps. "I know now."

"But even though you're so annoying and so awful, I still... like you."

"Hmm, I know," Chu He said with a helpless smile as she listened to Liang Zhouyi's tear choked words. Of course she knew.

A little displeased, Liang Zhouyi slowly tightened her arms around Chu He's neck. Her eyes were full of dark, heavy things. For an instant she wished she could drag Chu He down to die with her. If they died, perhaps they would not have to be so torn and in so much pain.

Chu He ignored the pain in her neck and made no attempt to resist. Even as her vision blurred for a moment from being choked, her steps remained perfectly steady, and the arms holding Liang Zhouyi did not tremble at all.

"Heh." Liang Zhouyi gave a self mocking laugh. In the end she dejectedly let go, just rubbing her face against Chu He's shoulder before emphasizing again, "I don't believe it. There must be a way..."

She would not just watch Chu He disappear. She did not believe there was no way to solve something so mystical. Yes, she could still find other people to help her. She could find Chu Ze, find Tan Qing...

Chu He's eyes ached fiercely. A bitter smile touched her lips. She knew that whatever she said now, Liang Zhouyi would not listen. She would stubbornly try to do many things, would toss and turn and struggle. That was her nature, never turning back until she hit a wall.

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