Drifting on a String - Chapter 35
Chapter 35
Chen Piaopiao's rebellion had its limits; she rarely saw Beicheng's nightscape.
Nightlife is a city's debauched skeleton, and the neon lights are X-rays, leaving the desires within the flesh and blood with nowhere to hide.
The last time, she had surveyed the myriad scenes of life through a car window just before dawn, and afterward, a relationship began, turning her into one of the common folk. This time, she took a taxi, driving from the first lighting of the lamps into the depths of sound and shadow, from dusk into the night.
The bar's entrance still bloomed with a faint blue light, its bright white logo printed on the floor tiles.
Chen Piaopiao stepped on the logo and pushed the door open. It was still early, and the bar was empty. Le Chu was tuning a guitar. Seeing her enter, she raised an eyebrow. "Sit."
They had added each other on WeChat using the contact information left on the forum. Le Chu knew why she was here and wanted to have a quick chat about the details. If they agreed, she could start work right away.
This time, she was dressed simply in a black off-the-shoulder T-shirt and denim shorts, with a side braid in her hair. She went behind the bar and asked Chen Piaopiao, "Sparkling water, Coke, or orange juice?"
"Sparkling water, thank you."
Le Chu brought over two glasses of water and sat down opposite Chen Piaopiao, her tone lazy. "Thirty an hour, like I said in the post. My kitchen staff is on leave, so a server is filling in. That's why you're here as a part-time server. Your main jobs are taking orders and delivering food. Drink orders go to the bartender, snack orders to the kitchen. The hours are 10 PM to 4 AM, six hours, 180 yuan, paid daily. Any problems with that?"
"No."
"Good." Le Chu led her to the storage area behind the bar. "You need to change into a uniform. They're all one-size-fits-all, so it might be a bit big on you. Just tuck it in or something."
She opened a cabinet, handed Chen Piaopiao a black short-sleeved T-shirt with the logo on it, and added, "You don't have to wear the hat. You probably don't want to anyway."
Le Chu gave a casual smile, then turned back and handed her a menu. "Familiarize yourself with this first, especially the English menu. We get foreigners in this area. If someone asks for a recommendation, push these two. They're on special."
Chen Piaopiao took note of everything. She listened as Le Chu said, "No phones during work hours. It's dark in here, so customers will spot you right away if you're on your phone. If you've got nothing to do, you can learn to mix drinks from the bartender. It's pretty interesting."
"Got it."
"Alright, you…" Le Chu twirled her index finger. "Look around, get settled. I'm going upstairs to nap for a bit."
Chen Piaopiao held the drink menu. Just like that… she's leaving it all to me?
As it turned out, Le Chu had nothing to worry about, because aside from special events, the bar was practically empty. She served a few tables, all regulars who ordered without even looking at the menu. Chen Piaopiao was quick-witted and nimble-fingered, more than capable of handling such a task—at least, she had more than enough skill for this compared to playing Overcooked.
The bartender was a T who looked quite young. She had a mullet and her hands moved so fast they were a blur. She had a sour look on her face, and at first, Chen Piaopiao thought she didn't like her. But after a while, the bartender mixed a drink and offered it to her.
Can I drink this? Will she dock my pay? Chen Piaopiao was skeptical.
The mullet-haired bartender pushed the glass toward her. "Don't worry. Le Chu treats people to fifty drinks a week."
To her various girlfriends.
Chen Piaopiao pursed her lips into a smile, took the glass, and drank.
On the first day, she was still excited. Everything was new, and she didn't feel tired at all by four o'clock. Seeing she was alone, Le Chu asked if she needed a ride, but she said no, she'd take a taxi back herself.
She was still wide awake in the car. After saying goodnight to Tao Jin around 10 PM, there were no new messages on her phone.
In her WeChat wallet was the 180 yuan Le Chu had sent her. After subtracting the 40 yuan for the round-trip taxi fare, she could save 140. She had previously seen a bottle of perfume on Taobao that cost over 700 yuan. If she worked for three days and added her saved living expenses, it seemed she would have almost enough.
On Saturday, she caught up on sleep during the day and went to work again at night. This time, Chen Piaopiao went in early to do some light cleaning and organize the storage area.
At 11 o'clock, a group of Le Chu's friends arrived. She drank quite a bit with them. After 2 AM, the voices gradually faded away. Chen Piaopiao finished clearing the tables and was sweeping the floor when she looked up at Le Chu, who was lounging on the sofa.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"Fuck, it's just this much alcohol," Le Chu groaned, draping her forearm over her forehead. She glanced at her, her breath smelling of liquor. "What should we do with the leftover booze?"
You're the boss, and you're asking me.
Chen Piaopiao straightened up. "I'll go throw it out."
"Little kid," Le Chu laughed contemptuously and sat up. "Do you know how expensive this stuff is? Let's drink it. Grab three glasses, we'll split it."
The mullet-haired bartender readily agreed. She found three whiskey tumblers and brought over an ice bucket. Chen Piaopiao, quick on the uptake, flipped the "OPEN" sign on the door to "CLOSED."
She had never had such fine liquor before, though she couldn't really taste the difference. But since Le Chu said it was expensive, Chen Piaopiao wanted to take advantage of the opportunity.
After just two days at the bar, she had caught a glimpse of another side of Beicheng, a form that belonged entirely to adults. It turned out that true adults were different, and it wasn't because they could go clubbing or didn't have a curfew.
Real adults don't talk.
They like to hold a glass of liquor and just look at it. In the drink is their work, their life, their emotions. And then they drain it in one go. This was perhaps what they always said on TV—"It's all in the drink."
Of course, people have to grow taller, grow up, because a larger body is needed to contain larger sorrows.
Chen Piaopiao gazed at the golden liquid, which clung to the side of the glass in a shimmering display, like one of the city's lamps of hedonistic splendor.
She didn't know what other people saw in their drinks, but she saw Tao Jin in hers.
She tilted her head, thought for a moment, and smiled.
For the second half, they found it too stuffy inside, so they took their drinks and sat on the doorstep. The mullet-haired bartender was on the phone at the end of the alley, and Le Chu sat next to Chen Piaopiao.
Chen Piaopiao's head was spinning, but her mind was still relatively clear. She remembered sitting on the steps and drinking with Tao Jin, too. Once that thread of thought began, it unraveled uncontrollably. She buried her head in her arms, her eyes unfocused as she stared at the alley wall.
"I'm just going to work these two days. Tomorrow is Sunday, so I probably can't come." Le Chu had told her to give a day's notice if she wasn't going to work anymore.
Tao Jin should be back by Sunday night, right?
I really miss her. I want to hold her.
"Will you come back in the future?" Le Chu opened a beer bottle with her teeth and took a swig.
"It depends. I have classes."
"Alright. Let me know in advance if you're coming. You did a good job."
They sat for a while longer before Le Chu suddenly asked, "I heard from Gaogao that you're in a relationship."
She smiled freely, looking this kid, who was about ten years younger than her, up and down.
"Mhm, she's my senior." Chen Piaopiao rested her head on her arms and looked at her, her eyes sparkling.
"Congratulations."
"Thank you."
Seeing Le Chu's nonchalant expression, Chen Piaopiao asked in a low voice, "Don't you date?"
From what her friends said, it seemed Le Chu was always just messing around.
"I do date," Le Chu laughed. "Isn't one day still dating? Being in a relationship and being together forever aren't the same thing, are they?"
Her voice dropped, and so did her gaze. "I don't expect forever."
Forever… Chen Piaopiao thought of her Tao Jin. How far could they go?
After Tao Jin went home, Chen Piaopiao realized she knew very little about her.
What her family was like, what her past and experiences were like, why she was so thoughtful and considerate in every aspect, and what kind of family had raised someone with such a meticulous and tolerant personality.
Her relationship with Tao Jin was different from what she had imagined.
It wasn't a complete, trusting fusion, like milk blending with water. Instead, it was like a dragonfly skimming the surface of a pond. The moment it touched, the lake of her heart rippled, and she could hardly contain herself. But when the dragonfly flew away, the lifeless surface of the lake would chase its reflection, waiting through sunrise and sunset for the next time they would meet.
She suddenly realized where the problem lay. With Tao Jin, she felt no sense of possession.
Even though they had become the most intimate of people, she never felt that she possessed Tao Jin.
She was still like a dream.
A dream that descended hastily into her nights.
Chen Piaopiao fell silent. She drank in silence.
Le Chu watched her for a moment, then spoke. "You don't seem happy in this relationship, do you?"
The words hit the mark. Chen Piaopiao's gaze flickered.
It wasn't that she was unhappy. She was very happy. But she was only happy when she was with Tao Jin. The rest of the time, she would ration out that happiness, consuming it until it became thin oxygen.
And the more it was like this, the more she craved Tao Jin, not wanting to be apart for even a second.
It was like she was forcing herself to be independent, and it didn't feel good.
"No," Chen Piaopiao said, quietly looking at the tops of her feet. After a long moment, she continued, "She's even better than I imagined."
Generally, getting closer to someone is a process of demystification, but for Chen Piaopiao, it was the opposite with Tao Jin.
Even when the distance between them was negative, she couldn't see a single flaw in Tao Jin.
She was too perfect. Beautiful, superior, confident, composed, a good student, popular, with a great personality and strong organizational skills. Even her hobbies and interests were top-tier.
She was also gentle, kind, cute, and humorous. Even the degree of her playfulness and wit was just right; no one could ever be annoyed by her.
She would quietly observe and empathize with Chen Piaopiao's emotions, and her ways of handling everything were perfect. She would explain things at the right time when misunderstood, and she would think of a solution before Chen Piaopiao even became unhappy. Even when Chen Piaopiao recklessly hurt her, she wouldn't get angry.
She even went so far as to subtly rely on her, so Chen Piaopiao wouldn't worry too much, satisfying Chen Piaopiao's desire to take care of her.
What do you do? What do you do when you fall for someone with no flaws, no negative emotions?
There was no way to feel secure. The less Tao Jin lacked, the less Chen Piaopiao knew what it was she could possibly offer her.
Yet she couldn't control her growing obsession with Tao Jin, which left her anxious and uneasy, as if climbing a collapsing tower.
Le Chu didn't say anything. Her hand resting on her knee fidgeted slightly as she watched the shifting shadows on the ground.
Then she heard Chen Piaopiao, her gaze fixed, narrow her eyes and say in a tone that suggested the words were hard to admit, "I also discovered that I'm even worse than I thought."
She hadn't told anyone this. When she realized she had hurt Tao Jin, as Tao Jin leaned on her shoulder…
…amidst the heartache, there was a faint trace of pleasure.
That was the moment she had felt the strongest "sense of possession" over Tao Jin. It stemmed from the fact that she had done something to Tao Jin that no one else had, and that Tao Jin would only allow it from her, would only tolerate it from her.
When Tao Jin nestled against her, Chen Piaopiao's heart was pounding.
She had left a scar deep inside Tao Jin, and only the two of them knew.
Even if this palpitation lasted only a few seconds, Chen Piaopiao had discovered her own dark side, and this frightened her as well.
She was terrified by the after-the-fact realization that she could have such a thought—hurting Tao Jin to prove that Tao Jin loved her.
Chen Piaopiao was sad.
She blinked. The fumes from the alcohol seemed to be seeping into her eyes.
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