TBTTSP - Chapter 35
Chapter 35: Zhang Xu Has No Story (11)
Ugly Boy said that life is nothing more than a series of choices and being chosen.
He took me to a streetside stall for beer. I suspected he had some unspeakable ailment, so out of the goodness of my heart, I folded a flyer for a men's health clinic—one some lady on the street had handed me—into a neat square and offered it to him.
"That's not… Zhang Xu, I'm trying to comfort you! Can you please be serious for a second?" he roared, but he still crumpled up the flyer and threw it in the trash. Then he ordered another dozen beers and poured one for me.
I can handle beer. Even though I'm underage, I've picked up all sorts of bad habits. In our village, with our parents away working as migrants, there's no one to keep a tight rein on us. We're lawless, wild, and have gotten into every kind of trouble imaginable.
It all started this morning. My desk mate suddenly mentioned that I'd been acting weird yesterday. I'd apparently slept through the entire morning, then became incredibly emotional in the afternoon—manic one moment, agitated the next, and then so melancholic I wouldn't even move.
Of course, even though Ugly Boy and I can't read each other's minds, we both knew what had happened: Xu Wanqing had slept through the morning, and Shang Yi had started having one of her fits in the afternoon.
But in the eyes of my desk mate, Li Zhaodi, my "split personality" was beyond saving. She told me with no small amount of concern, "I've carefully analyzed your personalities, and I think you have three different ones inside you. I've read about it in a book. It says it's a type of mental illness. Which one is the real you? I've suspected it for a while, but you've changed so much recently. One personality loves classical poetry, another talks like a powerful career woman, and the third is just like your usual self. Do you think it's because you've been under too much stress since your parents' accident? Should you see a doctor? I've never seen a psychiatrist before. I won't judge you, you know. No matter which personality you are, I'll always be your best friend."
Women are all liars.
After I casually asked, "Oh, really? So which of my personalities do you like best?" she actually thought about it for a moment before giving a perfunctory reply: "The you right now, of course."
Nonsense. She didn't mean it at all. Whenever her eyes dart upward and she gets that look on her face like she thinks she knows everything, she's definitely lying.
When she lies, she puts her hands behind her back like she's reciting something from memory. Her speech turns into an "emotional reading of a textbook passage," her eyes look up, and the corners of her mouth turn down. It's a dead giveaway!
Li Zhaodi, to her credit, has high emotional intelligence and didn't point out to my face how unpopular I actually am.
She had discovered the existence of the three "me's," so I told Ugly Boy about it when he showed up out of the blue to see me. He was the one who gravely delivered that philosophical line about choosing and being chosen. He looked like a boy with a story of his own.
The fact that Ugly Boy's name was actually Ugly Boy was something I could never figure out. But out of respect for his pretty face, I went against my conscience and called him Ugly Boy anyway.
We drank beer, clinking our glasses. After three drinks, my inhibitions vanished and my true self emerged. I flopped onto the table like a limp snake. "It's not like I have any friends anyway," I slurred. "Shang Yi only chose me because she's stuck with me. I bet our brainwaves just accidentally synced up, and that's why we swapped. It's got nothing to do with luck… See? It's always other people who decide whether or not to be my friend. Just like in the movies: I got no choice!"
"Are you drunk already?" he asked. "That's it. Zhang Xu, starting today, you're banned from alcohol. You can't even have liquor-filled chocolates."
"But I've never had them before! I want to try!"
He had no choice but to get up. A moment later, he came back with a box of liquor-filled chocolates. I looked closely—the huge box only contained five pieces. I took all five and stuffed them into my schoolbag, but then I thought for a second, pulled one out, and gave it to Ugly Boy.
"Oh, thank you for your immense generosity!"
"Don't mention it!"
I had generously gifted him one of the chocolates he'd just bought. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry as he thanked me. After a while, once I'd sobered up a bit, he lowered his voice, pulled out a recording pen, and placed it in front of me. "If Xu Min looks for you again, remember to record everything as evidence. Be careful she doesn't try to threaten you."
"Her IQ is running on empty. She stood out in a downpour for two hours all by herself."
The thought of Xu Min made me want to laugh. I had closed my umbrella in the hotel lobby, pulled out my phone, and started playing a game. After getting seven or eight teams of teammates killed, I finally saw Li Zhaodi returning from the bookstore.
I opened the umbrella and went outside. The rain was so heavy that the water streaming off the edge wasn't drops, but a solid curtain. I huddled under it like a little princess and hurried to meet my desk mate. Xu Min was still in the pavilion. Maybe because she's so tall, the path for her intelligence to travel from her toes to her brain is too long. Nothing ever makes it up there to occupy the high ground, which is why she acts like such an idiot.
My desk mate asked, "Who's that? Why doesn't she come in? Should we go share our umbrella with her?"
"No need. That's Lu Yiping."
Ugly Boy burst out laughing. "Exactly! Xu Min is basically Lu Yiping."
"Are you trying to say Shang Yi is Auntie Xue, then? I'm recording this!" I whipped out the pen and played his words back, putting my new tool to immediate use. "Delete it, delete it!" Ugly Boy said. "You're the one who said it, don't frame an innocent man."
I fiddled with the recording pen until I broke it.
Ugly Boy sighed. "You should have read the manual first. Who tries to delete a recording by chewing on the pen?"
"Physical destruction is the most secure method."
"You win."
Life really is just a series of choices and being chosen, and most of the time, I don't have much of a choice at all.
For example, when it comes to being Shang Yi's daughter, there are two options: be her daughter, or don't. There's no gray area where I can be her daughter today and her son tomorrow; that's not how it works. But fundamentally, Shang Yi chose me out of all the people in the world. I was the one who was chosen.
For example, Ugly Boy chose a recording pen so hard and solid it could have chipped my teeth. The pen itself could only choose to work or not work; it had to just lie on the shelf, waiting to be picked.
The one being chosen has no real power, of course. For instance, my desk mate chose me. I didn't really have a say, because no one else wanted to sit with me. Why else would I have sat alone for so many years? And when Li Zhaodi chose to be my friend, I didn't have a choice then, either. Her friendship is a blessing I must have earned in a past life. Shang Yi and Xu Wanqing both fully support it, and it's not like I have any other friends.
Making a choice like that is like guessing on a multiple-choice test: "three short, one long, pick the longest one." It's a kind of desperate, shameless gamble.
But I pretended not to understand his philosophy of choice and asked for an example.
"Alright, I'll tell you a piece of gossip. It's a big deal, so you can't tell anyone else."
"Have Shang Yi and Xu Wanqing rekindled their fated love across time?" I blurted out, guessing wildly.
Ugly Boy's eyes widened. "You win."
"For real? I was just guessing. Holy shit, I knew they had something going on! Are they even human, using my body to have a romance?"
"Not exactly. Right now, I just think there are signs of it. My sister and Xu Wanqing have a relationship of choosing and being chosen. My sister and the Big Boss, too… That's just how people are. Take it easy. Don't think Zhaodi isn't a good friend."
"I wasn't thinking that. It's just… to be best friends, you have to be the absolute best in the world to each other, right? Like, no one else is more important. That's what a best friend is, isn't it?"
Ugly Boy nodded. "Old Girl and I are always wondering which of us Shang Yi trusts more. But then I realized we're different. Shang Yi needs us for different things, so there's no point in comparing. I can choose to see it that way, or I can choose to get hung up on it and compete with Old Girl for her favor."
"I thought you two were a couple."
"Pervert! Don't be ridiculous." Ugly Boy handed me the recording pen, presenting me with a new choice.
I could choose to record or not, but I could also choose whether or not to even see Xu Min.
Xu Min was at the door, holding a cake. She'd come to "offer her sympathies," making me feel for a second like I was some sick patient in need of a visit.
Li Zhaodi had never seen this life-sized version of Lu Yiping before and was gesturing to me from the doorway. I still held a grudge against Xu Min for her obsession with Shang Yi, so I left one chocolate for Li Zhaodi, pocketed the recording pen and my phone, and went out.
Xu Min said, "I won."
"First prize in the rain-soaking competition. Congratulations."
"Want some cake? I… ordered it myself."
"Does cake make you taller?" I jabbed, taking a slow, unnoticed photo for evidence.
Having accepted her food, I couldn't be too harsh, so I sat down with her in the lounge.
I took out a liquor-filled chocolate and pushed it toward her. I'd never eaten anything so delicious and fancy before; it was repayment for the cake.
"Shang Yi is going to adopt you."
"Hey, do you know what a cream croissant is? I saw it on the sign outside."
She got up to go buy one, and I took the opportunity to slip out of the lounge and leave.
I didn't know how to answer her question. I used the chance to send the recording and photo to Ugly Boy. We had just formed a strategic alliance.
"Xu Min thinks you're important enough to use as leverage against Shang Yi. It's not convenient for me to intervene, so you'll have to do some acting," Ugly Boy replied instantly.
Should I act out a scene where Shang Yi doesn't like me at all? Or one where we barely know each other?
Thankfully, Ugly Boy had already written a script for me. I was just an unremarkable stalk of isatis root from the deep mountains… ah, no, that's not it. I was a "left-behind child," mentally challenged, and an orphan. My parents had died in an accident while working for a subordinate of a subordinate of Shang Yi's, which is how she came to know me and, out of the goodness of her heart, decided to adopt me.
I could act out all of it pretty well, except for the "mentally challenged" part.
Ugly Boy and I were like spies making a drop. After furtively exchanging messages, I deleted the texts, slipped out the hotel's back door, and headed for the mall. I ducked into the arcade on the B2 level to play some games.
When I ran out of coins and went to get more, Xu Min appeared out of nowhere. "Get two hundred tokens," she said. "Let's have a showdown."
"You're paying."
What was there to settle? Obviously, we were both girls.
She could barely hold all the tokens. Faced with Xu Min, the truly vicious side of my nature came out. I smacked her hands, sending all the tokens clattering and bouncing across the floor.
Then I bolted.
Xu Min couldn't run fast in her high heels, but her long legs gave her a natural advantage. She caught me by the collar in front of the first-floor cosmetics counters and yanked me back. "Don't you go too far!"
"Why should I play with you? You think the sun revolves around you?"
"Are you saying I'm self-centered?"
"Hey, your words, not mine." Dangling from her grip, I was at a clear disadvantage and didn't dare talk back. She dropped me.
"There's nothing wrong with being self-centered. I am my own king."
"Ugh, what a chuuni."
"…You're really asking for it. Must have been tough, surviving this long, huh?" Xu Min seemed to be getting the hang of sparring with me, her words turning venomous as we traded barbs.
My strategy has always been guerrilla warfare: when the enemy is strong, I am weak. I immediately backed down. "You're the one who decided to stand in the rain! You're an adult, and I'm still a minor. It was your own bad judgment to believe me, so why won't you let me go?"
"I just want to ask you a few questions."
"Well, I don't want to answer. I am my own king," I parroted.
"You're not that kind of person."
"What kind of person am I? They say the child is the father of the man. I've been a good-for-nothing piece of garbage since I was small. If you insist on paying attention to me, all I can do is dump out my trash for you to see."
"Fine then, Garbage. Come with me."
"No." Xu Min was so annoying. I was about to text Ugly Boy for help, but I stopped myself.
"You know, I was thinking… even if I did find you, you'd have already gotten your story straight with Shang Yi. I don't even know what I'm trying to ask anymore. But my life is miserable, so I have to make my enemies miserable too."
"So if your life was great, you'd want your enemies to live well, too?" I asked, trying to mess with her logic.
She stomped her foot, furious at being interrupted. "Shut up!"
"So who's your enemy? Shang Yi? What did she do, kill your family? Steal your man? Why is your life so miserable? Are you worried because you're too tall and want to saw your legs off? Well, that won't work. Shang Yi can't do it with you; she's not tall to begin with. If she sawed off her legs, she'd go from Snow White to one of the seven dwarfs."
Firing off questions like a machine gun was a strategy. A straightforward person like her would try to process them one by one, like a computer that can't multitask. Unless you tell it to skip, it'll just keep computing down the list until it overloads and crashes.
Sure enough, she froze. I seized the opportunity to break free, bolt out of the mall, and disappear into the crowd, certain she wouldn't find me anytime soon.
Overjoyed, I sent the recording and photos to Ugly Boy.
Ugly Boy: Never seen you be this vicious before.
"Shang Yi's enemy is my enemy."
It was as if I were presenting Xu Min as a pledge of loyalty to Shang Yi.
About two hours later, while I was gnawing on a duck neck at a streetside stall, I got a text from Shang Yi. She said two things:
Tell Zhaodi you really do have mental issues and that you'll see a doctor soon. Don't let her tell anyone.
Xu Min has low emotional intelligence. Don't push her too hard, or you could be in danger.
A moment later, another message came: If you drink beer with Ugly Boy again, I'll beat you both up.
"…" Did that mean we could drink hard liquor instead?
I entertained the smart-ass thought for a second before quickly snuffing it out.
A little later, another text arrived: Help me keep an eye out for Xu Wanqing.
Tsk.
The box of duck necks was snatched from my hands. Xu Min stood before me, arms crossed. "I found out everything. Your roommate told me all of it."
"Oh? And what did she say?"
"Everything," Xu Min said, picking up a duck neck and starting to chew. "You've got a pretty comfortable life."
"Yep. I'm just like you. I live well and eat duck necks, so my enemies have to live well and eat duck necks, too. I just can't stand to see other people having a bad time."
I pointed at the duck neck in her hand, then turned and fled.
I ran back to our room. Li Zhaodi gave me a blank look before lowering her head to study again.
"What did you tell her?"
The matter was critical. I was as anxious as a court eunuch whose emperor remains unconcerned.
"Who?"
"That tall woman from outside!"
"We talked a lot. What's wrong? Wasn't that Shang Yi?"
Huh?
How could Xu Min impersonate Shang Yi to get information out of Li Zhaodi! How could my desk mate, who's usually so smart, be so foolish this one time! She claims to be so well-read, but she didn't even think to look up a picture of Shang Yi online!
"Be specific! What did you tell her! That wasn't Shang Yi! What were you thinking?" I demanded, my voice rising in panic.
After I yelled at her indiscriminately, her eyes immediately turned red. I caught my breath, but seeing she was too upset to speak, I rushed out the door. Xu Min was in the lobby, leisurely playing a game.
The enemy had pushed all the way to our base, and here was Xu Min, still casually farming creeps.
I snatched the phone from her and hit the surrender button.
"Tsk, tsk. Well, well. Didn't see that coming, did you?" Xu Min crossed her legs, flaunting her long, straight thighs. Her smug expression made her seem even younger than me.
"Here."
I took out my last liquor-filled chocolate, unwrapped the foil, and offered it to her.
"Trying to bribe me?" Xu Min said with a smirk. "It won't work. I already know everything."
I felt like crying. "Why are you asking about Shang Yi? Who's your enemy?"
Shang Yi had really trusted the wrong person. I was such a useless teammate, unable to do anything right, unable to even keep a secret.
"Little girl, you need to learn some manners, you know?"
"Okay, Sister Xu Min. May I ask who your enemy is?"
"Silly child, it's Shang Yi, of course!" Her mocking tone was humiliating.
"Are you Lu Yiping?" I suddenly ventured a guess.
"You… what? What's a Lu Yiping?"
"Did Shang Yi take over your family's business, and now you have to go home and beg for money…"
"My family's business was always going to be mine! The will is already settled—it's all mine!"
"Then why do you hate Shang Yi?"
Xu Min tossed her head back. "Can't I just hate the other woman? What, you feel sorry for her? Wow, I'm so jealous of Shang Yi. Everyone takes her side. What's so great about her? Does she buy you nice things? Pay for your school? I can do all that, too!"
"Then I hate you, too. You're also the other woman, driving a wedge between me and my friend," I retorted.
"…Such a twisted worldview for someone so young!"
"So are you going to drive her away, or get rid of her and send her to jail? There's no law against being the other woman…"
"Of course I want to see her ruined. You know the saying? I watched him build his tower tall, I watched him feast his guests, I watched his tower fall…"
"What's in it for you?"
"It makes me happy!"
For the first time in my life, I felt my vocabulary fail me. I had no insults left. All my words were for mocking people; I didn't have a single nice one I could use to beg.
I didn't know what Xu Min had learned from Li Zhaodi, but if it led to Shang Yi's downfall, my life would be ruined.
If I'm fated to bring misfortune to my family, then it's better if I have no family at all. My parents, Shang Yi—no one should get close to me. That way, I won't drag anyone else down.
I'm just useless. I'm bad at school, I can't do anything right.
I ran outside, grabbed the nozzle of a watering hose, and held it over my head until I was soaked to the bone.
Xu Min came out, frowning. "What are you doing?"
"Now we're even. You can do whatever you want to me. Punish me, get your revenge, I don't care. If it'll make you happy, can you just leave Shang Yi alone? She's a good person… I don't have a family anymore. I'm a mess, and I don't want to drag her into it…"
I'm just that pathetic. My knees gave way—there's clearly concrete under them, not gold—and I knelt before her.
"Please, I'm begging you. Don't let her tower fall. She worked so hard to build it, and she worked so hard to… feast her guests, or whatever that means… Anyway, I don't know what dirt you have on her that involves me, but if you're going to go after her, don't use it. Don't do it because of me… because of me…"
Like every spineless coward in the world, I cried until snot was running down my face. I must have looked pathetic.
"It's just about paying for your school, isn't it? I can do that. I'll send you abroad to study. Is it really worth crying over?"
Xu Min didn't understand at all!
Life is about choices! I chose to be sponsored by Shang Yi, to be a lazy parasite who wallows in self-pity every day. The other option was to rot away in the village, get married, and become a "left-behind" kid with a personality disorder, then a "left-behind" young adult, and finally a "left-behind" senior citizen. And then there was the third option: defecting to Xu Min's side.
But in this situation, you'd obviously pick A! When you're guessing on an exam, you pick the answer that looks best, the one you feel the most connection to. In that moment, A has to be the right answer, no matter what!
Besides, when there is no right answer, you obviously choose the person you respect and trust!
Even if you know she's someone's mistress, that she's alluring and cold, that your parents died because of one of her projects. Even if you know you'll never be like her, and that you're only a tiny, insignificant part of her life.
But you still choose her. Whether as a role model or a guardian, at my lowest, most worthless point, she was the only person who said, "Hey, have you considered being my daughter?"
"Please," I begged. "I'll kowtow to you… please…"
I really didn't know any other way to make someone change their mind.
Xu Min started to cry.
She turned her back to me, wiping her eyes and sniffling. Her voice was thick with congestion. "I didn't find out anything. Your friend just told me a bunch of nonsense from fairy tales."
Was my kneeling a waste of effort? Did I just debase myself for nothing?
After the false alarm, I still felt immensely relieved.
Kowtowing really works! I thought, my face still wet with tears, feeling utterly cheap.
"Want to go for a drive?" Xu Min pulled me to my feet, led me to her sports car, changed her shoes, and handed me a handful of chocolates.
I didn't dare speak, just kept blowing my nose.
She pulled off the provincial highway and onto a winding mountain road, driving at lightning speed. The wind whipped my hair straight back. It was a refreshing way to cool down in the summer heat, but soon two wailing cars were chasing us from behind.
"Ah! Cops! Cops!" I shrieked like a rooster.
"I know people on the traffic police force." As if she were drunk, Xu Min slammed on the accelerator and left them in the dust.
The wine-red sports car kept swerving back at the last second, just inches from hitting the guardrail. I was so scared I started crying again.
Don't tell me Xu Min was planning to drive us both off a cliff!
"Car ahead, pull over! Pull over!"
I trembled, looking for somewhere to hide. Xu Min drove like a maniac and managed to shake them, but now there were three cars behind us.
Xu Min is insane, I thought.
"We're going to jail!"
"I know people at the station."
As we spiraled up the mountain road, the G-forces kept pinning me to my seat.
"We're going to heaven!"
"…I have people in heaven. My mom's watching."
That's it. She's really lost it.
I pulled out my phone to call Shang Yi, but Xu Min took one hand off the wheel, snatched it from me, and tossed it into the ravine below.
The car swerved, sliding sideways to the very edge of the road. To our left was a bottomless ravine.
She took a corner, and I was alive again.
"I'll buy you a new one when we get down."
"Are we even going to make it down?" I hugged myself, tracing circles on my chest.
"I know people down below."
"Who?"
"King Yama!" she yelled, wrenching the wheel through the final turn.
Ahead was the summit, where a temple stood. Any farther and we'd crash through the guardrail, fly off the cliff, and become the subject of some ridiculous news story.
Two Women Die After Speeding Car's Brakes Fail Atop Mountain Cliff.
I may not live with much dignity, but a miserable life is still better than a noble death!
"Zhang Xu, die with me. Let's go over the edge together."
"…" I was too terrified to speak, my face drained of all color.
Why don't you just die by yourself?
But she stopped in front of the dilapidated temple. "No one would die for me," she said. "Get out. Have some chocolate."
She started chewing the liquor-filled chocolate I'd given her.
You'll get a DUI for that!
The traffic police finally surrounded us. "Who was driving the car!"
I raised my hand. "Me! My sister was drunk, so I drove. But I don't have a license, and I'm underage…"
Minors get… lighter sentences… right…?
"Alright then. Which one's the clutch?"
I couldn't answer. I don't know anything about cars.
As you might have guessed, we were both taken in for questioning.
Her license was revoked. She got a fine, her car was impounded, she received a stern lecture, and was detained for one day.
What a disaster.
"Didn't you say you knew people on the force?"
"I had you, the minor."
"…Why doesn't a bolt of lightning just strike you down where you stand…"
The day was excruciating. I was worried Xu Wanqing would possess me in the middle of the night and wake up to find herself sitting next to a lunatic.
But things got tricky. We were released at eleven the next morning, and Xu Wanqing still hadn't appeared.
Xu Min said her goodbyes. "I had a great time."
"I had a miserable time."
"If you ever go abroad, come find me. I'll cover your room, board, and tuition. I can also fund any recreational activities you want."
"Don't try to bribe me. I have no dignity left. As long as you leave Shang Yi alone, I'll lick your shoes for you," I said, my heart bleak.
"Fine. I'm leaving. Don't forget to lick my shoes in ten years."
"I'll make sure my tongue is clean."
The next day, I received a small package. It was a new iPhone, sent by Xu Min as… no, as compensation.
Tucked inside was a slip of paper with her WeChat ID.
I reluctantly added her.
Her most recent post was a selfie from an airport, captioned: See you in ten years.
So petty. I took a screenshot and sent it to Ugly Boy.
Ugly Boy replied: How did you manage that?
Me: I kowtowed to her.
Ugly Boy: …Fair enough.
Me: She also told me to lick her shoes in ten years.
Ugly Boy: Pervert!
Me: By the way, did you tell Shang Yi that Xu Wanqing hasn't shown up?
Ugly Boy: I was just about to tell you. We're coming over before school starts. You need to meet someone.
Me: Who?
Ugly Boy: Xu Wanqing.
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