Emergence - Chapter 7

Chapter 7

After the phone call, I came in from the balcony, showered, changed, and brushed my teeth. Once I was cleaned up, I finally felt a bit more refreshed. Then I went downstairs and bought a few vegetable and meat buns and two servings of soy milk. After arranging everything on plates and in bowls, I stood at my bedroom door and, bracing myself as if for a great battle, knocked heavily.

"Lin Yi, are you up? Come out to wash up and have breakfast."

The time I called out to her was a quarter past eight in the morning; it wasn't early. I figured her mother would probably be arriving soon. There was no response from the bedroom for a long while. I knocked twice more, knowing she wouldn't answer, then turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.

As soon as I entered, I saw her sitting on the edge of the bed. The covers were rumpled, proof that she had tried to sleep last night. She was wearing the pajamas I had prepared for her, sitting lifelessly on the edge of the bed with her back to me, her long hair unbound. I couldn't see her expression. I walked in and slowly circled around to face her. Her head was bowed, her eyes hidden beneath her dark hair. The only visible part of her face, the lower half, wore a numb expression.

I squatted down to look up at her. Her eyes flickered for a moment, meeting mine, then quickly darted away to the floor. I kept my expression neutral and said:

"It's good that you're up. I'll get you some clothes. You can wear mine for now."

With that, I opened my wardrobe, found a shirt, a pair of pants, and a thick jacket, and placed them folded on the bedside table. I also took out her phone and put it on top of the pile of clothes. Then I headed for the door.

"Get changed. I'll wait for you outside."

About fifteen minutes later, she came out, dressed. She was utterly silent, like a walking corpse. I led her into the bathroom to wash up. The toothbrush, cup, and face towel were all new and had been sterilized with boiling water. The cup was already filled with warm water, and the toothpaste was already squeezed onto the brush—everything was perfectly prepared, just waiting for her. She stood before the sink, staring at these things in a daze for a while before she began to quietly and slowly brush her teeth and wash her face. I leaned silently against the wall outside the bathroom, waiting.

This time, her movements seemed a little faster. Ten minutes later, I had her sitting at the dining table. Guessing she might not have an appetite for meat, I put two vegetable buns in her bowl and reheated the soy milk, which had cooled.

She sat at the table, eating in small bites, looking as if she were chewing on rocks and dirt, making it impossible to tell what she thought of the food. I kept my distance, quietly eating my own breakfast while observing her every move.

Just as we finished, the doorbell rang at the perfect moment. I went to open it and saw an elderly woman standing there. Her back was slightly hunched, her face was a web of wrinkles, and her hair was streaked with white, making her look as if she were in her seventies or eighties. But I could still faintly see the outline of the beauty-conscious middle-aged woman she once was. I knew she was only fifty-eight, but she looked at least twenty years older. She stood at the door, nervously wringing her hands. Upon seeing me, she was so stunned she even forgot to greet me. I was the one who spoke first to ease the awkwardness.

"Auntie, you're here. Please, come in."

"Oh, yes…"

"Auntie, you came so early. Was the traffic bad?"

"No, no, the bus ride was quite smooth."

"Watch your step. This way." I led her toward the dining room. Her gaze was fixed on Lin Yi.

After a few seconds, she looked away and said to me,

"Gu Fan, thank you so, so much this time. Auntie… Auntie really doesn't know what to say…" Her voice was tinged with a sob, but she desperately held it back. I quickly waved my hands, gesturing that it was nothing. Her throat worked a few times as she suppressed her emotions. Only then did she turn, trembling, and say softly to her daughter,

"Lin Yi, come home with Mom."

I saw Lin Yi's body tremble slightly. She had finally reacted. She stood up and walked over to her mother. The woman's hands shook as she anxiously grabbed her daughter's arms, then gently pulled her into an embrace, holding and soothing her as if she were comforting the infant in her arms all those years ago. Lin Yi raised a hand slightly, clutching the corner of her mother's shirt like a helpless child.

The sight was heartbreaking. I raised a hand to cover my mouth, turned away, and took a deep breath to steady myself.

"Auntie, let me drive you home," I suggested after about five minutes.

"Oh, how could we? We've already troubled you so much."

"It's no trouble. It's my day off, so I have time. We can go by car. Lin Yi isn't in good condition right now. It's better if she doesn't have to squeeze onto a bus."

I knew that once her daughter was involved, it would be hard for Lin Yi's mother to refuse. Sure enough, her lips parted and closed a few times, but in the end, she couldn't bring herself to say no, only offering thanks with a humble posture. I felt a pang of sadness. The beautiful teacher who once stood at the lectern, teaching her students with such spirit, must have been proud to her core. Now, she was so subservient and wooden, having lost all her former grace. Fate could be so cruel.

I drove them home. The mother and daughter sat huddled together in the back seat, not saying a word. The morning light shone on Lin Yi. She squinted, like a badly injured stray cat, curled up, defensive, and awash in self-pity. Her family hadn't moved in all these years; they were still in the same old residential complex, while my family had moved away long ago. This was once a place I knew extremely well. I hadn't been back in years, yet here I was, driving this mother and daughter home. It gave me a surreal sense of the impermanence of things.

I parked downstairs from their apartment and helped them out of the car and up the stairs. As we reached their door, we ran into a middle-aged woman returning from grocery shopping. When the woman saw Lin Yi and her mother, she immediately rolled her eyes and hurried upstairs without a word. I frowned, but I understood. Zhang Yucheng's parents had come here several times, Lin Yi had made hysterical scenes, there was a noisy baby in the house, and Lin Yi had even been taken away by an ambulance after a suicide attempt. In an old complex like this, secrets were hard to keep. The neighbors more or less all knew about the turmoil in their family.

Lin Yi's mother opened the door, and a thick smell of Chinese medicine, mixed with the sour-milk-and-diaper scent of a baby, hit me. The unpleasant odor made me frown again. A woman was sitting in the living room, who I assumed was a nanny; otherwise, with only Lin Yi's mother at home, she wouldn't have left such a small child alone.

Lin Yi's mother awkwardly invited me in, bustling about to play the host. I quickly declined. Lin Yi, meanwhile, sat woodenly on the sofa, continuing her role as a statue.

After a short while, I asked to see the baby. Lin Yi's mother didn't hesitate and led me into the bedroom. In the cradle lay a four-month-old baby, as exquisite as a jade carving, with a hint of Lin Yi in her features. She was sound asleep, lost in a sweet dream, without a care in the world. I liked the child at first sight. I had assumed she would be a fussy, difficult baby, but seeing her now, she was calm and adorable.

But the circumstances of this child's birth were so pitiful. The child herself was blameless, yet her father didn't care for her, and her mother didn't love her. Had she come into this world just to suffer?

At that thought, my heart went out to her even more.

Perhaps sensing a stranger's presence, the little one woke up. She stared at me with her big, dark, glistening eyes, but didn't cry. She just looked dazed, with a heart-melting cuteness. Lin Yi's mother picked the baby up and handed her to me. I'd never held a baby before and fumbled to take her, holding her with extreme care. To my surprise, the baby giggled and reached up with her tiny hand to scratch my nose. My heart melted into a puddle. I couldn't help but lean in and kiss her. She seemed even happier, babbling away and gleefully scratching my nose. I wiggled a finger in front of her, and the little one immediately grabbed it. Her tiny hand was surprisingly strong.

"This child seems to like you." A gratified, kind smile appeared on her mother's aged face, but her words carried a hint of sadness.

After playing for a while, the baby seemed tired. Her eyelids drooped sleepily, her long eyelashes so beautiful it made my heart flutter. I placed her back in the cradle to let her continue sleeping.

Lin Yi's mother rested a hand on the cradle, looking at the child with tenderness in her eyes. I took a pre-written slip of paper from my pocket, handed it to her, and said in a low voice,

"Auntie, at three-thirty this afternoon, if you have time, please come to this address. I have a friend I want to introduce you to. She can help Lin Yi. Just, don't let Lin Yi know about it for now."

Lin Yi's mother took the paper. Seeing the address of a teahouse on it, her eyes lit up, and she asked in a trembling voice,

"Is it… a psychologist?"

"Yes. She's my senior from university, a psychologist who studied abroad. Don't worry, she's very experienced in this area."

"Good… good…" The mother clutched the slip of paper tightly, repeating herself.

I left the Lin family's home. Before I left, I asked about Lin Yi's father. He was still in the hospital, but his condition was improving, and he would be discharged soon. Lin Yi's mother was afraid he wouldn't be able to handle knowing everything, so she had been hiding it from him. But once he came home, it would probably be impossible to hide it any longer. It seemed time was very tight.

---

The time I had arranged to meet my senior was actually two in the afternoon. The reason I told Lin Yi's mother to come so much later was that my senior and I needed to discuss the treatment strategy beforehand.

At two o'clock, I walked into the teahouse and saw my senior already waiting for me in a quiet corner. After some pleasantries, we quickly got down to business. I told her everything I knew in as much detail as possible so she could grasp the whole situation. After listening, my senior was silent for a long time before letting out a deep sigh.

Even though she had seen countless patients with psychological illnesses and witnessed countless tragic events over the years, a case like this still left her feeling upset and mournful.

"It seems the condition is very complex. It's mainly depression, accompanied by OCD, insomnia, and heart palpitations. The hallucinations indicate that it has reached a severe stage. Two suicide attempts… we need to start treatment as soon as possible," my senior said.

I nodded. "But she's very resistant to psychologists. Her mother took her to see one before, and she made a huge scene. It was impossible to treat her."

My senior smiled. "That just means that psychologist wasn't skilled enough. However, this is an important piece of information, very valuable for formulating a treatment plan. Since she's resistant to psychologists, then we won't let her know we are psychologists. We'll just act as friends, naturally integrate into her life, slowly change her behavioral habits and cognition, and gradually guide her out of the darkness. That's the best treatment method."

"That makes sense, I understand." I nodded, then gave a wry smile. "But I have no idea how to integrate myself. I don't know her well, and you're a complete stranger to her. The only person she's familiar with is her mother, but her mother also has to take care of her father and can't be with her all the time. She's never been one to socialize with strangers. If we abruptly barge into her life, she'll definitely suspect something."

My senior furrowed her brow in thought for a moment. "Doesn't she have any other close friends or relatives?"

I shook my head. My senior looked a little disappointed. "Her mother is one candidate, but not the best one. Although our mothers are the ones we rely on most in childhood, as we grow up and become independent, our reliance on them drops sharply. Lin Yi is no exception. She's too familiar with her mother; her mother is the one who guided her values from a young age. As she grew up, her understanding of her mother deepened, and there are many things she no longer relies on her mother for. This would greatly diminish the effectiveness of the treatment. Besides, her mother played a part in the cause of all this, so she must have some subconscious resistance. For her cognitive therapy to be most effective, it needs someone she isn't that familiar with, but also someone she won't reject."

After speaking, she traced the rim of her teacup with her finger, seemingly troubled by this issue. I was silent, but my mind was in turmoil. According to what my senior said, wasn't I the perfect candidate?

A bold idea came to me. I bit my finger, my mind racing as I considered its feasibility. My senior clearly noticed my small gesture. Her eyes shifted, and as if she understood my thoughts, she quickly said,

"Gu Fan, you're not thinking of volunteering for this role, are you? You have to understand how important this role is. Lin Yi is a severe depression patient. If you're going to be her caregiver and the one implementing the treatment, you'll have to be with her twenty-four hours a day. You're a busy person, where would you find that much time?"

"I can quit my job," I said calmly.

"You're insane!" my senior's voice rose as she stared at me in astonishment.

"Senior, calm down and listen to me." I organized my thoughts, trying to express myself as completely as possible. These were ideas that had taken shape after a whole night of thinking, and now I hoped to get my senior's support. "Senior, I have a law license and a psychological counselor's license, plus years of work experience. I won't have trouble finding a job anywhere. I've saved up quite a bit over the years, I own a house and a car, so I won't have to worry about money for a while. I was already thinking of quitting soon anyway, and I've already spoken with upper management. If I press the issue, they'll let me go.

"Senior, you know my sexual orientation, and the reason I've been single all these years. I admit, I've never forgotten her. It's like a thorn stuck in my heart that I can't pull out. Now that I've met her again and know what's happened to her, how can you expect me to stand by and do nothing? I have to help her, or I'll never be at peace with myself.

"Her cognitive impairment lies in her thoughts about homosexuality. She can't get past it. She hates all gay people. The persecution she suffered from a gay person runs too deep, so she has trapped herself in a box of hatred, her mind constantly replaying those tragic events.

"And I'm a lesbian. I'm also a psychological counselor. I understand psychology, and I know the methods and processes of psychotherapy. If she's to undergo cognitive-behavioral therapy and emotional therapy, there's no one more suitable than me. She knows I'm gay, so she has an instinctive resistance to me, but because of our past friendship, she has never reacted extremely. This puts us at the perfect starting point for treatment. As long as I can eliminate her resistance to me, bit by bit, her cognitive-behavioral therapy can be considered a success. I believe this is the most effective and correct method."

My senior listened to me in silence. After thinking for a long time, she sighed softly. "You're still the same as before, always thinking of others and not yourself. You're right, you are the best person for the job. Alright, I think I should respect your choice. Since you've decided to quit, then as your senior, I have to help you. It just so happens that I recently left the hospital to open my own Psychology Treatment Research Studio. If you don't mind that your senior is starting from scratch, how about coming to help?"

I smiled and quickly said, "I'd be delighted."

"Good. This will be the first case we treat together. We'll discuss this with Lin Yi's mother in a bit. After that, I'll go back and draw up a detailed treatment plan, and we'll implement it as soon as possible."

"Okay." I nodded emphatically.

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