Emergence - Chapter 15

Chapter 15

On the twenty-eighth of the twelfth lunar month, I took Lin Yi and Youyou back to the Lin family home. As I was leaving, Lin Yi didn't spare me a second glance, nor did she show any reluctance to see me go. Her indifference left me unable to guess what she was thinking. Giving me a scarf and even embroidering my name on it—such an intimate gesture, she couldn't possibly be unaware of its implications. Or was it simply her way of expressing gratitude for my care over this long period?

On the twenty-ninth, I had an early morning flight. I deliberately wore a black overcoat and the white scarf she had given me, taking care with my appearance. Unfortunately, it was too early. I wasn't sure if she was awake and didn't dare go to her house to say goodbye. I had no idea who I had dressed up for. My senior, however, came to see me off, and when she saw my outfit, I became the target of her teasing.

"Hahaha… I finally get it. 'A woman adorns herself for the one who pleases her.' The ancients were right," my senior said, slapping the steering wheel and laughing heartily as she drove.

"Senior, is it really that funny?" I asked, leaning my head against my hand in the passenger seat and yawning.

"Tell me honestly, has there been some progress between you two?" she asked, her face full of gossip.

"What progress could there be? It's the same as always," I replied listlessly.

"No way. Didn't she knit this scarf for you herself? That's a huge step forward."

"But she probably just gave it to me as a thank-you gift. I'm not the only one who got a scarf; my parents did too. The meaning is completely different," I said.

"That's the wrong way to think about it. What if she was just too shy to give you a gift alone, so she included your parents as a cover? Wouldn't that mean you've misunderstood? Even if it really is just a thank-you gift, it's still significant progress. You should be happy."

"I know. Do I look that upset to you?" I shot her a glare.

"I know, I know. Lin Yi might have treated you poorly before, which has made you pessimistic about her. You need to have a little more faith in her. Don't be so negative all the time, or your relationship will never move forward," my senior advised, her tone earnest.

"Mm," I replied noncommittally, thinking to myself, It's not that easy. Lin Yi is still avoiding me. She's like a frightened bird whenever I get close. It'll be very difficult for her to fall in love with me.

"Gu Fan, you must have studied this in grad school, right? The phenomenon of transference from a patient to their psychologist."

"Hm? Of course. But my situation with Lin Yi is clearly different. We knew each other before. She knows me, she knows I like her, and she resists me. Besides, she doesn't know I'm treating her as a psychologist, so transference between us isn't applicable."

Transference from a patient to their psychologist is a very common phenomenon. Most patients with mental illnesses lack care or a listening ear in their daily lives; the people around them are often cruel. The psychologist is the only one who will listen to them seriously and gently soothe their souls. This is especially true when the psychologist and patient are close in age and of the opposite sex, which makes transference highly likely. The patient mistakenly believes they have fallen in love with their doctor, but it is, in fact, just an illusion. Transference is part of the treatment process and is effective in guiding the patient, so psychologists commonly use this technique.

Sometimes, a psychologist can also experience counter-transference, falling in love with the patient out of pity. Generally, this is not forbidden in therapy; after all, doctors are human and have emotions. But most psychologists will resolve these feelings and ultimately hit the brakes. Those who can't can only give up their license and dedicate their lives to that single patient.

Strictly speaking, Lin Yi and I did not have a doctor-patient relationship; she and my senior did. I was merely a caregiver, using my knowledge of psychology to guide Lin Yi step by step according to my senior's treatment plan. I wasn't qualified to treat a patient with a mental illness as severe as Lin Yi's, because my license was only for a psychological counselor, not a psychotherapist. I could sit in a school counseling office, while my senior could sit in the psychiatric department of a major hospital—that was the difference. My relationship with her was also different from that of a typical psychologist and patient. We had known each other since we were children, and she had long known that I liked her, so she always had a sense of resistance toward me.

I didn't understand why my senior would bring up transference.

But my knowledge was shallow, after all. I just heard my senior click her tongue twice and say:

"You're wrong about that. She has already developed transference toward you. It's happened subtly, but it's inevitable."

"What do you mean?"

"She has transferred the feelings she has for her ideal partner onto you," my senior said.

"…" My senior sounded so certain that I felt I had no response.

She didn't explain further. We had arrived at the airport. I boarded the plane without another word and flew all the way back to my hometown.

The few days I spent at home were filled with trivial matters not worth detailing. I did, however, have a long talk with my parents, and they made it clear that they would no longer meddle in whether I liked men or women, which was a great relief. I gave the two scarves Lin Yi had knitted to the old couple. The black one, embroidered with green bamboo, was for my father; the red one, embroidered with white plum blossoms, was for my mother. My parents loved them and asked who had knitted them, telling me to thank her properly. I took the opportunity to bring up Lin Yi.

The two of them seemed very interested in her. I could only break out in a cold sweat and tell them we'd talk about it when I came home for the Mid-Autumn Festival this year.

I was restless during those few days at home, constantly fiddling with my phone, debating whether I should call Lin Yi. Even if I didn't call, I felt I should at least send a text to check in, though I didn't know if she would reply. Back at our place, Lin Yi's phone had become a complete ornament. For a modern person, she never used it. I even suspected it had been out of service for a long time.

My senior said she would keep an eye on Lin Yi's situation and told me not to worry, but how could I? I had been worried from the moment I dropped her off at her parents' house.

In any case, I decided to give it a try. The first night I was home, I sent her a text to let her know I had arrived safely. After that, I was on edge, checking my phone every few minutes. From the time I went to bed until I woke up the next morning, she hadn't replied. It was expected, but I couldn't help but feel disappointed.

I didn't give up. I kept sending her texts, all about trivial things—telling her what I was doing, asking her what she was doing. It was terribly boring. I knew it was boring, but I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I just sent those.

On New Year's Eve, while staying up for the vigil, I sent her a "Happy New Year" text. She still didn't reply. I sat next to my mom, clutching my phone tightly, my eyes staring blankly at the Spring Festival Gala on TV, but my mind had drifted elsewhere. My parents had long noticed my distraction but didn't say anything, letting me sit there in a daze.

At midnight, the sound of fireworks exploded everywhere, a deafening cacophony. I gazed at the night sky, illuminated as if it were day, an indescribable feeling in my heart. Suddenly, the phone in my hand vibrated. I quickly looked down. The appearance of Lin Yi's name made my heart skip a beat. I rushed out to the balcony and swiped to answer with a trembling finger.

"Hello…"

"…"

"Hello, Lin Yi?"

"…"

"…Lin Yi, are you there?"

"…Yiyi, say something. Say hello to Fan, wish her a Happy New Year." Lin Yi's mother's voice came from the other end, a little distant. With all the firecrackers outside, it took me a great deal of effort to hear her clearly.

"Gu… Fan…"

"Yes." Hearing her say my name, even in that cool, somewhat wooden tone, made my heart melt into a pool of warmth.

"Happy New Year." She enunciated these three words with perfect clarity, for some reason.

"Yes, Happy New Year, Lin Yi." I felt my own reply was a bit stunned.

"…" Another long silence, but the call didn't disconnect.

"Lin Yi?" I tried calling her name.

"The firecrackers… are so lively…" she said suddenly.

"Oh, yeah, a little too lively. It's a bit noisy."

"Listening from here… it's just right…"

"Mm…" A sudden pang of sorrow struck my heart.

"…"

"…"

"Goodbye."

"Ah… okay. It's cold, remember to dress warmly. By the way, is Youyou doing okay?"

"…Yes."

"And your parents are well too?"

"…Mm."

"…" I was at a loss for words.

"…Goodbye."

"Okay, goodbye. I'll be back on the seventh."

"…Mm."

The call ended. I stood on the balcony, staring at my phone screen for several seconds before shivering in the cold wind and heading back inside.

"You child, why are you so secretive with your phone calls? Can't your father and I listen in?" my mom complained, seeing me bring a gust of cold air in with me.

"No, hehe," I could only manage a silly laugh.

"Silly girl," my mom said, poking my forehead with her finger.

I thought to myself: Mom, you're right. Your daughter really is a bit silly.

Because of that one phone call, I spent the rest of the holiday in a foolish daze. I continued my daily routine of texting her, and she continued her routine of not replying to a single one, but I no longer waited with such anxiety. I knew she saw them, and that was enough. This lasted until the afternoon of the fifth day of the new year, when I suddenly received a call from my senior. Her voice was anxious and laced with waves of anger, making my mind explode with a "buzz."

"Gu Fan, get back here now! Something's happened to Lin Yi!"

"What happened?!"

"The Zhang family showed up again. They came to demand the child during the New Year. Lin Yi went berserk, the neighbors called the police, and she was taken to the police station. Lin Yi's father found out everything, had a stroke out of anger, and was sent to the hospital. Lin Yi's mother also…"

"I'm coming back tonight!"

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