CSGM - Chapter 119
Chapter 119: Be My First Love
The rain pattered down in the city, its sound unceasing.
The gentle confession from the drone was like a song whispered next to her ear, flowing softly through the air.
But Ren Zhi heard the dense drumming of raindrops against the window, like waves crashing beside her.
"Ren Zhi, I like you."
The drone repeated this sentence for the seventh time. Chu Xi, on the other end of the phone, was snickering with satisfaction when Ren Zhi finally couldn't take it anymore and sat up abruptly.
"Chu Xi."
Her voice was suddenly gloomy, like the sky blanketed by dark clouds before a storm.
Chu Xi paused, snapping back to reality.
"Ren Zhi, you're awake?"
Why did she sound so unhappy?
Ren Zhi clutched the blanket, her tone carrying an unyielding command. "Turn that sound off." Then, she asked helplessly, "What on earth are you thinking?"
Chu Xi was taken aback.
"Did I wake you?" So that's why Ren Zhi was angry?
How could that be? Her voice was clearly very gentle…
Ren Zhi pressed her fingers to her brow.
"If I hadn't woken up, were you planning to play it all night?"
Once a minute, sixty times an hour, three hundred and sixty times in six hours.
Chu Xi: "Um… yeah."
Chu Xi had thought that if Ren Zhi heard it just once in a drowsy dream, that would be enough. When she woke up, she would definitely remember that Chu Xi liked her.
But Ren Zhi had heard it now and was telling her to stop, so she had no choice but to cancel the "private message" she had slipped into the white noise…
She asked with a hint of regret, "So, do you know that I like you now?"
Ren Zhi took a deep breath.
"I know, Chu Xi, you…"
Before she could finish, her voice was cut off by Chu Xi's eager question.
"Then when will you accept me? Your rejection is making me anxious. Hurry up and agree, let's date!"
Ren Zhi's fingers subconsciously clenched and then slowly relaxed. She actually laughed, not knowing how to respond.
If she were dreaming, she would probably dream of Chu Xi turning into a bull and charging straight at her.
"Have you ever been in a relationship? Do you even know what dating is? Chu Xi, you must have some kind of misunderstanding about yourself."
Ren Zhi felt as if Chu Xi were holding out a bowl of half-cooked rice and enthusiastically inviting her to eat.
Even though it was true that when faced with Chu Xi, she became a hungry person.
Perhaps a hedonistic gene in her subconscious wanted to accept Chu Xi's offering. That way, she could temporarily stop restraining herself and feeling anxious.
She could accept the affection her heart desired with a clearer conscience.
Unfortunately, she couldn't.
She felt that a wire must have been crossed in Chu Xi's brain. Maybe it was just a whim, or maybe she was just looking for a new thrill.
This wasn't love; it was an adventure of mutual harm.
Ren Zhi carefully backed away, afraid of being swayed by her sudden madness, not wanting to lose even their friendship in the future.
She decided to ask cautiously, "Why are you suddenly thinking about this? Are you too deep in character? Aren't we… friends?"
Chu Xi pressed her lips together, looking at her phone and speaking to it, "I'm not in character. You can be my first love."
"Ren Zhi, I like you. I really like you."
"Don't you like me? If you like me too, be my girlfriend."
"That's enough, stop talking."
Even though her heart was pounding erratically, Ren Zhi knew she had to cut her off now.
Be rational. Chu Xi must have been provoked by something.
Was it because Jade-Carving Ballad was a dual-female-lead drama? Had it given her the wrong impression?
Or perhaps, Chu Xi needed to find a newer, fresher feeling from her.
Her fearless advance terrified Ren Zhi.
It gave off the overwhelming feeling of "the deadline is fast approaching, and I have to finish this no matter what."
It was as if Chu Xi couldn't wait to start dating her right here, right now.
If not for some inexplicable reason, Ren Zhi found it hard to believe that this was real and happening so unexpectedly.
She felt it was necessary to make things clear with Chu Xi.
"Don't say these things anymore. Remember, you're a straight girl, and I'm a woman. I don't want to be your experiment for some new thrill. I'm a normal person too."
Ren Zhi steeled herself to be firmer, her voice low.
"I'm hanging up. If you bother me again, don't even think about flying that drone in here ever again."
If Chu Xi tried to flirt again, Ren Zhi would absolutely push her away to maintain her composure. She believed she could do it.
Resisting indulgence and obsession was necessary for a healthier, longer-lasting state of being.
-Whether as friends or as celebrities.
Ren Zhi had always possessed this kind of self-control; otherwise, how could she have remained a top-tier star year after year?
Humans are creatures with weaknesses, but self-restraint can make situations more manageable.
After sitting silently for a long time, Ren Zhi suddenly realized her back had grown cold from the evening breeze in the bedroom.
The WeChat call had already ended.
She pulled the blanket over herself and went back to sleep, thinking with relief, Thank goodness.
Thank goodness. If I liked Chu Xi even a little bit more, I'd be in trouble.
Even so, as she gazed at the window, cool and condensed with mist, a trace of loneliness flickered in the depths of her eyes.
Every time Chu Xi said something so casually and directly, Ren Zhi had to summon the strength of moving a boulder to respond.
Perhaps Ren Zhi had wavered, but in the end, she still stood on the invincible ground of her self-drawn prison.
She hoped that when she woke up tomorrow, this whole farce would be over.
But unexpectedly, things went against her wishes, and the situation the next day spiraled even further out of her control.
The early morning moon was washed clean by the rain, as pristine as if the world had been replaced with new goods.
A vast expanse of white moonlight spilled onto the car's windshield. Chu Xi turned on the high beams, illuminating the empty highway.
The navigation system announced the road conditions, showing that the nearest greenhouse base was 78 kilometers away.
The sound of wind rustling through tree branches whispered on both sides of the road.
With the window next to her half-open, Chu Xi felt the evening breeze blow across her heart, carrying a hint of chill.
How could she say that she… was just looking for a new thrill?
Ren Zhi was truly an unreasonable woman.
She had rejected her again.
Chu Xi felt as if she'd been swept up by the wind, her defenses crumbling. The mere thought of Ren Zhi made her head feel hot.
Fine, she could accept being rejected again.
Maybe what she did wasn't enough to move Ren Zhi.
But this was definitely not the ending she wanted.
Just an hour and forty minutes ago, she had thought it over carefully.
It must be that Ren Zhi didn't like this form of confession.
Ren Zhi was a romantic at heart. Perhaps she needed to do something with more ceremony, and then she would agree.
Alright, the one being pursued always has the capital to be arrogant. Chu Xi would have to accommodate her.
Chu Xi also thought that tomorrow, she would tell Ren Zhi that she wasn't necessarily straight.
It wouldn't be impossible for her to bend.
For the first time, Chu Xi admitted she was wrong.
She was too accustomed to being confident in her initial judgments. When Ren Zhi told her "I'm a woman," she had the impulse to argue back.
So what if she was a woman? As long as Ren Zhi agreed, being a woman didn't matter.
How could she care about such a small thing?
Chu Xi reflected that perhaps she hadn't given Ren Zhi a suitable confession, which was why she was rejected.
Thinking about it that way, it was understandable.
Ren Zhi just hadn't felt her sincerity yet.
It was her own fault, wasn't it…?
Unable to find any fault with Ren Zhi, Chu Xi began to deeply doubt herself.
She was actually losing confidence in herself. On a night when the cold air seeped into the car, her palms sweated as she gripped the steering wheel.
If only she were a little dumber, with an ordinary mind like Jin Yuan, maybe then she would know what Ren Zhi was thinking.
She would try again. Tomorrow, she would say:
One, she wasn't looking for a thrill.
Two, she liked women.
The two reasons Ren Zhi had for rejecting her were laid out in her mind, jumping back and forth. Every cell in her body was screaming: Solve it, solve it!
The time after being rejected felt so long, but when she transformed it into anticipation for the next confession, a fiery passion reignited in Chu Xi's heart.
Chu Xi parked at the rose greenhouse park. Today was Valentine's Day, and the workers here were picking and packaging flowers through the night, sending them out by the truckload. They waited all year for these few days of massive shipments, hoping to sell them at a good price once the sun came up.
When she told the owner she wanted to pick roses, he was stunned.
He had seen eager customers before, but this was the first time he'd seen someone so impatient that they'd come out to this remote place in the middle of the night, all alone!
These days, there were more and more lovesick kids among the youth…
After collecting a hefty entrance fee, the owner agreed to let Chu Xi go in and pick them herself, as long as she didn't go overboard.
The young lady looked neat and clean, not like a greedy person.
Chu Xi picked 33 pink and white roses, tied them into a bouquet, and carefully placed it on the car seat to take back.
She passed through a commercial district that never closed, and by the time she got home, it was already five in the morning. She washed herself until she was sparkling clean and bright, then spritzed on some perfume.
By the time she finished all this, it was six, and the sky was still dark.
Chu Xi stood before her wardrobe, picking and choosing.
Then she twirled in front of the mirror, holding a coffee-colored tie and sighing with hesitation.
At seven in the morning, the sky in the distance began to brighten.
Ren Zhi's phone received a new message.
Chu Xi: 【Please open the door. I've been waiting at your doorstep for a long time. /[Pitiful]】
Ren Zhi came out of the bathroom and grabbed her lit-up phone to look.
…?
The time on the phone was 7:06. What was Chu Xi doing?
Coming over so early, and with such a pitiful tone, Ren Zhi thought something had happened to her and rushed to the entryway.
The moment she opened the door, Chu Xi was standing there ramrod straight, holding a bouquet of flowers and waiting for her. She was wearing a black shirt underneath a coffee-colored suit jacket and trousers, with a matching tie and her hair tied up in a neat, pretty bun.
Ren Zhi was stunned by the sudden visual impact.
"Your eyes, why are they so red…?"
"Ah… maybe because I didn't sleep last night. I couldn't sleep…" Chu Xi paused.
She slowly stated her purpose, "I heard today is Valentine's Day. I have something to say to you."
Ren Zhi glanced down and saw the pink and white roses in her arms. She subconsciously turned to hide back inside the door.
Here we go again!
Chu Xi grabbed her wrist and pulled her out.
"Do you like this kind of confession better? I'm not joking, Ren Zhi…"
The sweetly and freshly wrapped bouquet was already thrust into Ren Zhi's hands. Ren Zhi caught a glimpse of the dew still on the petals, and her heart leaped violently, feeling as if it would jump out of her throat.
She said in a panic, "Stop!!!"
Her raised voice and urgency did indeed cut Chu Xi off. Chu Xi stared at her, her reddened eyes unblinking.
Ren Zhi felt the skin of her wrist burning hot.
"Wait a minute, Chu Xi!" She felt her mind was in a mess right now.
She had told her not to do this again, so why was this morning's display even grander?
The fragrance of the roses was disrupting Ren Zhi's thoughts.
Seeing Chu Xi all dressed up and bursting into her sight first thing in the morning, her rationality seemed to be getting skewed by aesthetics.
Her heartbeat was out of rhythm, and a pair of devout eyes were burning into her face.
Ren Zhi slowly lifted her eyes. Despite the storm raging in her heart, she asked as calmly as she could, "Didn't I tell you last night not to say it anymore? We're both women. It's more appropriate for us to be friends."
However much Chu Xi used to like the phrase "be friends," that was how much she couldn't stand hearing the words "just friends" now.
She suddenly used her strength, pinning Ren Zhi against the wall. Gazing at her, she said, word by word:
"I like you, Ren Zhi. I like you. So what if we're women? From now on, I'm a lesbian. Even if you were an alien, it wouldn't matter. I could be an alien-sexual! As long as it's you, orientation is not even worth mentioning. Do you understand now? Don't worry about this anymore. Be my first love, okay?"
Her tone was almost a roar in the middle, but by the end, her plea had become gentle and soft again.
In her peripheral vision, Ren Zhi saw a small felt dog nestled in the middle of the rose bouquet. The angel's halo on the dog's head was a sparkling, brilliant diamond ring.
Combined with Chu Xi's urgent explanation and scorching gaze, her breath invading the air in front of her, Ren Zhi's body leaned limply against the hallway wall. Her mind buzzed.
She thought, Oh no, Chu Xi is serious this time.
The morning sun emerged from behind the pale clouds, its beams scattering, and the city fell into a boundless tenderness.
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