Shrine - Chapter 67
Chapter 67
Xin Chen's office was in a small building behind the film set. Besides the studio base, Shucheng also had a designated office area where each production crew could rent office space to handle work like finances and business affairs. The crew for Shrine was one of the larger ones recently, but to save money, Xin Chen had only rented two small offices and one large conference room for meetings and script readings.
She led Shi Ran to the large conference room, closed the door, and leaned over the long black table with both hands. "What's on your mind? Go on, you want to cut the scene?"
Shi Ran held the back of a conference chair, spinning it slightly in her hands. "Aren't they already filming it?"
Since Xin Chen hadn't called a halt, things would naturally continue over there. They had probably already kissed by now.
"So your unhappiness isn't about whether it airs, but whether it's filmed." Since it was being filmed, Shi Ran didn't want to say anything more, regardless of whether it would end up on the platform later.
Shi Ran quietly analyzed herself. Just now, walking down the quiet corridor, she had suddenly felt a chill on her forearms, the kind that seeps in through the cuffs of one's sleeves.
She felt deeply uncomfortable, tormented by disobedient fantasies. Little Cat Officer was nuzzling with another little cat, leaving their scents on each other, while this swan was out of place, unable to entice anything even after catching a small fish from the river.
For the first time, Shi Ran tasted jealousy so clearly. Why couldn't she be the one kissing Ruan Ruan? Why couldn't it always be Shi Ran, forever Shi Ran, only Shi Ran?
It was also the first time she felt so powerless, wanting to blame someone. Why didn't Ruan Ruan say no, that she had promised to only be intimate with her? Why didn't Xin Chen say no, that she knew she and Ruan Ruan had a special relationship? Why didn't Zhong Yi say no, that she had seen her holding Ruan Ruan at the KTV?
But the reason for her powerlessness was that Shi Ran understood everyone was doing the right thing, even if it wasn't to her liking.
Possessiveness was unlike any other emotion. It didn't have a slow, budding process, nor did it need to accumulate. It was like a black-and-white binary; either you didn't have it, or you had it, and when you had it, it was a roaring blaze.
Shi Ran watched as this great fire—poof—burned away the provisions in the chambers of her heart. Spice jars shattered all over the floor, scattering the sourness of aged vinegar, the saltiness of dark soy sauce, and a spiciness that made her eyes burn and her throat ache.
She knew better than anyone how wonderful Ruan Ruan was to kiss, and she had long since noticed how serious she was about her acting. Thus, it was easy to picture a jelly-flavored kiss. In bed, Ruan Ruan was actually silent, with a sense of sacrificial offering, of handing everything over, that could easily make one's breath quicken and lose self-control.
Shi Ran reached back and smoothed her hair, saying nothing.
Xin Chen was still leaning on the conference table. "May I be so bold as to ask, is she your girlfriend?"
Her voice was very low, afraid of eavesdroppers.
"Starting tomorrow, she is." The scene was almost finished filming. Shi Ran spoke these few words softly and coolly, and said no more.
Xin Chen followed her out, still mulling over that sentence. Starting tomorrow, she is?
She had never heard such an answer in her entire life.
Shi Ran was a person of strong action, a fact that had been demonstrated many times. When she felt she had hit a bottleneck in her auditions, she observed Ruan Ruan and then made her an offer. When she felt a little bit of happiness, she proposed continuing their relationship the very next morning. When she wanted to invest in Shrine, she became the most controlling investor. When she wanted to make Ruan Ruan a star, the wind was at her back from every direction.
From the trajectory of her actions above, another characteristic could be summarized: she was highly unconventional.
She wouldn't stew in her own thoughts for too long; a month of indecisiveness and insecurity was already her limit. Since the push and pull between them had become this troubling, she thought it was time to change her relationship with Ruan Ruan.
If there was no standing, she would create it. If there was no status, she would establish it.
After all, Ruan Ruan liked her too. Only her.
Shi Ran was wearing a white shirt and no pants, her long, slender legs bare in the well-heated room. Her slightly curled long hair swept across her beautiful face like branches growing wild in the snow. She sat cross-legged on a cushion and finished watching the variety show she and Ruan Ruan had been on two years ago, then read through the script for Shrine one more time. As she was drinking her nightly anti-glycation drink, Ruan Ruan returned.
Her body was warm, but her face was like chilled rock candy. Shi Ran subtly observed her for any abnormalities, but there were none. Ruan Ruan just tore open a piece of chocolate. She was very hungry, yet she ate it neatly, cupping one hand underneath, and flashed a smile at her, her eyes shimmering.
"I was hoping I could scrounge something from you." But seeing that Shi Ran had already had her anti-glycation drink, she knew she wouldn't be eating again.
Shi Ran said nothing, watching as she changed into her loungewear, then leaned against her, curling her legs to read the script.
The two chatted idly, then showered and went to bed.
Ruan Ruan felt that something was a little strange, but she couldn't put her finger on what it was. Shi Ran wasn't unhappy, nor was she happy. She was very gentle with her, first kissing her earlobe, then slowly taking her once.
The rhythm of their breathing grew more and more in sync, as if humming a little tune for the night.
But even little tunes have a chorus with its own rises and falls. After a few plucks of the strings, the key had to change.
Later that night, Ruan Ruan's desire was fully aroused. She supported Shi Ran, who was sitting on top of her, and bit her lower lip, concentrating on pleasing her.
Shi Ran caressed the sweat on the back of her knee, then lowered her eyes, her gaze following her fingers to Ruan Ruan's neck, to her shoulders, to her collarbones.
She traced the contours of Ruan Ruan's skin and bones with her index finger, as if feeling the carvings on a piece of porcelain. She could see their control over their bodies gradually aligning. When she tensed, the skin in the hollow of Ruan Ruan's collarbones would also sink, her breath catching in desire. When she relaxed, Ruan Ruan's expression would soften, and her hidden offensive and aggressive nature would become even more silent.
Only Shi Ran could feel it in her own vulnerable places.
Shi Ran braced one hand beside Ruan Ruan, while her other hand caressed her jaw. Her breathing was uneven, her gaze unsettled.
Ruan Ruan looked up. "You seem to have something you want to say to me."
Her body was very wet. She wasn't sure if she should wait for her emotions to dry out a bit before they talked.
Shi Ran's eyes were cool, and the sparse moonlight on her body seemed to be blue.
She finally spoke. "You've completed all your previous tasks very well. Do you know that?"
"I know." Ruan Ruan's fingertips ground against the wellspring.
"Do you want a more difficult one?" Shi Ran asked softly.
"What is it?" Ruan Ruan's heart ached with a slight pull.
"Be my girlfriend."
The entire world lost its sound, a feeling of being forcibly muted. It was as if the power had gone out. Ruan Ruan's hand went limp, but Shi Ran caught her by the wrist and pressed it gently.
Ruan Ruan's breath hitched. Her chest couldn't contain her heartbeat; it was about to pound in her temples, about to pound in her eye sockets.
"Move." Shi Ran stared at her without blinking, her hair falling forward. She said only that one word.
With one push in and one pull out, the negotiation had just begun.
Ruan Ruan steadied her breathing, her mind splitting in two. One half was focused on devouring Shi Ran, the other on seriously considering her proposal.
"Why?"
Why change their relationship? Was it because today…
"Because I plan to be completely involved in your affairs," Shi Ran said slowly.
"To be fair, I will exchange this right with you." Her voice was hoarse as she, in a position of being taken by Ruan Ruan, spoke words of attempted occupation.
They had always engaged in equal exchange. This time, there was no need to wait for Ruan Ruan to ask: What do I get?
She could get all of Shi Ran. All of her.
Ruan Ruan's eyes burned. In her most chaotic moment, she saw Shi Ran's most sincere heart. This sudden downpour had finally arrived in an unexpected form, leaving potholes everywhere it touched, just like her own faltering heart. Her first reaction was, Can I really have something this good? Her second reaction was, Would I no longer have to suffer through guessing her thoughts? Her third reaction was, Could she press Shi Ran down beneath her, gnaw on her, bite her, so that she could never take back the words she'd said?
She met her own gaze for a long time before finally saying, "I'll think about it."
"Think about it?"
Ruan Ruan wanted to say that she had been abandoned by her parents as a child and then neglected by her adoptive parents, but all of that was manageable. But if Shi Ran were to leave her in the future, she might…
Might…
She needed to determine if she could remain intact after being abandoned by Shi Ran.
As the words reached her lips, she softened them into a more tactful phrasing. "I'm not considering whether I want to be with you. That doesn't need consideration. What I need to think about is, if you were to break up with me, how sad would I be."
And then assess whether she should open herself up completely to face that risk.
Her words stepped on Shi Ran's heart. Her fingers also found their way to Shi Ran's heart.
Ruan Ruan lowered her eyes, thinking carefully, but only for less than four seconds.
She looked up at Shi Ran and said in a hoarse voice, "I'm not thinking about it anymore."
"Why?" This time, it was Shi Ran's heart that was in turmoil. This time, it was Shi Ran's voice that was like thin gauze.
"I'm afraid if I miss this chance, I won't get another one."
Ruan Ruan raised a hand to touch Shi Ran's arm.
"I'm willing. To be your girlfriend. I'll do a very good job."
She promised softly, asking Shi Ran to believe her completely.
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