Shrine - Chapter 64
Chapter 64
It was as if a bottle of sparkling water had been poured between Ruan Ruan's ribs, suddenly choking her. Her heart bubbled cautiously, and her palms grew slightly sweaty. She desperately wanted to see Shi Ran. The thought that Shi Ran had been here made her want to rush out of the car immediately, hoping her scent might still linger in the air.
But she didn't excitedly open her WeChat contacts to call her and ask if she had arrived in Shucheng.
Instead, she uncharacteristically and quietly waited for the dense bubbles in her heart to all pop, leaving behind a slight sting.
The car moved forward smoothly. Ruan Ruan said softly, "Is that so."
Then she lowered her head, her thumb hesitating for a moment before tapping open her chat history with Shi Ran.
The trend in the chat history was obvious.
The moment she started scrolling up, the back of Ruan Ruan's ears began to burn. A belated sense of embarrassment washed over her.
She always contacted Shi Ran the moment she finished work, sometimes chattering on and on about interesting things. Shi Ran's replies grew slower and slower, until eventually, she found herself asking, "Am I bothering you?"
Shi Ran would reply, "No."
Even the "No" was replied to listlessly.
A week ago, Ruan Ruan had told her that the next day's schedule was all establishing shots, so she could rest. She asked Shi Ran what she was doing. Shi Ran took nearly half an hour to reply, saying she was working out with Director Zhao and the others.
Ruan Ruan asked a couple more questions and only then learned that Shi Ran was also off that day. The contrast was stark: one person excitedly telling her in advance, the other listlessly saying she was already resting.
Just now, while acting out the scene, Ruan Ruan had suddenly thought of the lottery ticket she had scratched for Shi Ran, and her mind had wandered, making her mess up her lines. And yet Shi Ran had arrived at the set without a word, only chatting with Xin Chen, not even thinking to wait a bit for her, to talk to her.
Even for someone as resilient and self-assured as Ruan Ruan, she couldn't handle this kind of disparity. She no longer felt that "special favor" and "exclusivity" from Shi Ran. She couldn't help but overthink it. Shi Ran met so many people and experienced so many things every day. Countless people wanted to please her. The little tricks of a kitten police officer were nothing special.
It was nothing more than caring about whether she had eaten, if she had slept well, and... sex.
Ruan Ruan recalled in detail. Their relationship had started in bed, evolving from a transactional exchange to fulfilling physical needs, and then to providing emotional value. What Ruan Ruan could give her wasn't actually that rare.
Shi Ran had taken on Non-Desire and was doing very well; her career and status were about to reach a new level. And as her boss, she had also successfully promoted Ruan Ruan. It seemed... there was no longer any need...
Ruan Ruan let out a soft breath, stopping herself from thinking any further.
She returned to the hotel in silence. Without even changing her clothes, she sat on the sofa, still wanting to call Shi Ran.
Xiao Bai jumped up and settled on her lap, looking up at her and meowing.
While waiting for Shi Ran to answer the voice call, Ruan Ruan gently stroked Xiao Bai, feeling that the two of them were so alike—both waiting for someone to lift a hand and pat their head.
Time seemed to stretch to a standstill before the call interface finally started counting up.
Ruan Ruan's heart leaped into her throat. She swallowed before calling her name: "Shi Ran."
"Mm," Shi Ran replied, still not in the habit of speaking first, just like before.
"You... you're in Shucheng?" Ruan Ruan's mouth felt a little dry, her tone strained.
"Mm." Her voice was as flat as ever.
From that single word, Ruan Ruan had a strong premonition that if she kept asking, she wouldn't be able to hold her emotions together.
She held back for a moment, but still asked, "You came to visit the set?"
On the other end, there was the sound of a heavy breath, like an insignificant sigh. Then she heard Shi Ran's footsteps, seemingly on a carpet, followed by the sound of Shi Ran pouring a glass of water. The stream of water was steady and thin, just like Shi Ran's unruffled state.
"Are you at Jingyue International?" Ruan Ruan didn't want to wait for the previous answer. Her gaze flickered as she asked this.
"Yes."
Thank goodness, she finally said something other than "Mm."
Ruan Ruan desperately wanted to say, Why didn't you come find me if you were here? Or, Let me come up and see you. Are you still in 2101? But she was bound by a sudden sense of loss, her emotions and desires paralyzed.
She was getting a little scared. On her way up, she had told herself that she didn't want to be an optional backup; she wanted to be chosen firmly and without hesitation. This was what she had fought desperately to achieve. Halfway up the mountain, Shi Ran had given her an illusion, and she had almost believed she had already obtained it, that Shi Ran had given it to her.
Fortunately, her reason was still intact back then, and she knew she couldn't pin her hopes for such a thing on one person. People were the biggest variable. Her adoptive parents had taught her this through their actions since she was a child.
She had been able to study in peace because her brother hadn't been born yet. Once her brother arrived, she couldn't even dare to hope for college tuition.
Every bit of it felt like it was stolen.
Therefore, when Shi Ran said she couldn't promise to only like her, she hadn't even been disappointed. Shi Ran had told her to find a way to make Shi Ran keep liking her, and she had truly tried to think of one. She was exceptionally gentle, exceptionally sensible, never causing trouble or throwing tantrums, and even spiced things up with little romantic gestures from time to time.
Only now did she realize that if Shi Ran stopped liking her, it wouldn't require any reason, nor would it matter whether she did well or not.
Even if she became the most profitable artist under Shi Ran, even if she were Shi Ran's most considerate lover, Shi Ran might suddenly decide she no longer wanted this flavor of Little Bread.
Just like back then, when she hadn't done anything wrong, and her brother suddenly arrived.
"Hmm..." Ruan Ruan murmured, making a thoughtful sound.
"Hmm?" Perhaps because Ruan Ruan had been quiet for too long, Shi Ran's response came a little more quickly.
"Well, you just arrived today, you must be tired. Are you going to rest?" Ruan Ruan said with a smile.
The sound of Shi Ran putting down her glass.
Ruan Ruan pressed her lips together, waiting for her response.
She heard Shi Ran let out a faint laugh, then ask, "Are you tired?"
Ruan Ruan couldn't gauge Shi Ran's mood—it was neither cold nor warm, showing neither pleasure nor anger.
"I'm... okay." Her voice caught slightly.
"You acted well," Shi Ran said softly after a pause.
A small flower bloomed in Ruan Ruan's heart. She touched her temple and asked in a small voice, "You watched?"
"Mm."
Then why didn't you say hello to me? Before Ruan Ruan could ask, she heard Shi Ran say coolly, "I'm tired. I'm going to take a shower now."
After hanging up, Xiao Bai still looked at Ruan Ruan innocently, purring from being petted. She buried her face in the top of the kitten's head, zoning out to the sound of its purrs. Shi Ran hadn't been overly distant—she was never very talkative to begin with, and she had just praised her and even laughed. But for some reason, Ruan Ruan felt that Shi Ran didn't want her anymore.
The view from the window of the Jingyue International was not much different between the 19th and 21st floors.
There were no stars, and the moon was not visible either.
Shi Ran sat alone at the bar, gently swiveling the high stool. Her eyelashes drooped desolately, and shadows settled on her face as if setting up camp—a familiar state. Brightness was what felt unfamiliar.
Her temples were still throbbing faintly. She had worked a long night yesterday and then taken a flight over today. The schedule in the Gobi was two or three hours behind here. Sleeping late and waking early, the lack of sleep gave her a dizzying sensation akin to jet lag. Today was February 15th, the day right after Valentine's Day.
As she got out of the car in her overcoat, she was thinking: should she wait for Ruan Ruan on set, or in Xin Chen's office? Should she ask her to dinner? Should she bring Xin Chen along for a crew gathering, or book a private restaurant for just the two of them?
In the end, she stood on the periphery of the staff, watching her perform, just as Ruan Ruan used to observe her from a distance.
Shi Ran had never had this perspective before. She wanted to know what trajectory a gaze aimed at the center would take.
Then she saw Ruan Ruan mess up a take. She NG'd three times, laughing and talking with Zhong Yi. She held the script to her lips, her eyes curving into crescents. She wasn't the least bit nervous about flubbing her lines, as if certain that Zhong Yi wouldn't mind.
Shi Ran remembered acting opposite Ruan Ruan, the time she had forgotten her lines. She seemed to have said: You're too beautiful.
So I even forgot my lines.
At that time, Ruan Ruan was already deliberately trying to get close to her, so even now, Shi Ran didn't know if Ruan Ruan's NG back then had been intentional.
A knot formed in her chest. Shi Ran started to walk away. The crew was handing out desserts and coffee, and they gave a portion to Xiao Lin as well. Xiao Lin smiled and said the crew's perks were great. The logistics staff explained that Teacher Ruan and Teacher Zhong had scratched a lottery ticket together, won, and were treating everyone.
All the way back to the car, Shi Ran kept thinking, So she scratches lottery tickets with other people, too.
Only then did she abruptly realize—what "other people"? To Ruan Ruan, Shi Ran had never been anything more than her boss.
Shi Ran had considered how Ruan Ruan would react upon learning she had visited. She had guessed Ruan Ruan would call, but she hadn't anticipated the content of the call. She thought Ruan Ruan would ask why she left, or if she wanted to have dinner together, or perhaps, if she wanted to see the kitten.
But Ruan Ruan had just made polite small talk, with no invitation whatsoever.
She thought, If Ruan Ruan still liked me that much, after finding out I rushed all the way here to visit the set, she would definitely be racing against time to see me.
Shi Ran going straight to the set was already a signal. The kitten police officer was sharp as a tack. If she ignored the signal, then that meant... it wasn't that important.
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