PSW - Chapter 67
Chapter 67
"Nineteen…" Yu Yinan fell silent. Right, hadn't she known this all along? Zheng Yi had said she was still a university student when the apocalypse began. A university student… how old could she possibly be?
Could someone really achieve so much at just nineteen? Her control over her ability, her mental strength… It was… completely unlike a normal person. Was this Zheng Yi truly just an unremarkable university student before the apocalypse? Or, if the apocalypse had never happened, would Zheng Yi have had to hide her brilliance and live an ordinary life forever? That was too sad to think about.
And she was already twenty-five.
Before the apocalypse, she had worked hard enough, but it was the effort to survive, to make a living, to complete her studies. In school, she worked part-time jobs and participated in work-study programs. After graduating, she worked diligently, putting in overtime, and her life had only just started to show a little improvement.
She learned to ride a motorcycle and got her license, saving up for a very, very long time just to buy one. The only free or relaxing moment in her day-to-day life of working and saving was riding her motorcycle at night. In those moments, she felt like she could escape her dull, heavy life and find a bit of respite and freedom. What was her goal back then? It was still to make money, more money. She wanted to buy a small apartment, to have a real home for herself in a strange city.
There was no poetry or distant horizons, no dreams. The first time she traveled far was to escape her hometown; the first time she flew was for a mandatory business trip. Before the apocalypse, life pushed her along, never giving her a chance to slow down. And she didn't want to slow down; she had neither the time nor the energy to savor life.
Not good at socializing, socially anxious, unable to handle any relationship well—this was Yu Yinan's assessment of herself, and she knew it might also be an excuse. She was actually afraid. Even though she longed for others' trust and approval, even though she was a person who craved warmth so much, she was equally afraid. No one would just warmly approach and endlessly try to win over someone who looked unapproachable, and after entering the workforce, the distance between people grew even wider. And Yu Yinan had grown accustomed to being alone.
And just like that, she had reached twenty-five.
For some reason, Yu Yinan grew increasingly sad. She was already twenty-five, while Zheng Yi was only nineteen. At twenty-five, she had accomplished nothing, yet Zheng Yi was already so dazzling.
And Xia Cheng was only seventeen. She was enthusiastic and lively, sincere and innocent, and could even chat with Zheng Yi about all sorts of anime. As a child, Yu Yinan had never watched anything like the Poli Guli Robot or Light Pretty Cure. She never had any form of "entertainment and relaxation." She had never even touched a video game.
That's right. When she was in university, she didn't even have a phone at first, only buying a second-hand one later. When her classmates were inviting each other to play games, she was the only one who said, "I don't play games."
Yes, she didn't have time to play games back then, nor did she know how. And her second-hand phone didn't have enough memory to run games smoothly. By the time she graduated and got a phone that could support entertainment, she had lost interest in games.
She had no friends to play with.
For a fleeting moment, Yu Yinan wanted to ask Zheng Yi if she liked Xia Cheng. But she calmed herself and didn't ask. No matter what the answer was, what did it have to do with her?
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter.
Yu Yinan comforted herself. Before the apocalypse, she could reach the level of an ordinary person with a bit of effort. So after the apocalypse… when the gap wasn't so vast, and she was even an ability user, why couldn't she work hard to get as close as possible to Zheng Yi's level?
At the very least, compared to Xia Cheng, who knew nothing about the real Zheng Yi, she had learned a little bit of the truth.
Rarely, Yu Yinan didn't get stuck wallowing in the past or sink into negative emotions. She finally pulled herself out of it.
"Thank you," Yu Yinan said suddenly, looking at Zheng Yi.
To have met Zheng Yi in the apocalypse was truly, truly wonderful.
Yu Yinan seemed to have thought about many things. Zheng Yi watched her reddened eyes and thought to herself, This person cries so easily, how did she survive the apocalypse alone?
In the early days of the outbreak, Yu Yinan had also endured it alone, even taking a risk as if her brain had short-circuited to go to Qiding, to the place where her parents used to live.
Zheng Yi let out a low chuckle and suddenly slammed on the brakes. She casually raised a hand, her fingertips touching the corner of Yu Yinan's eye, applying gentle pressure. Yu Yinan instinctively closed her eyes. Her eyelashes trembled, and a tear spilled out, which Zheng Yi wiped away.
Yu Yinan… it seemed that ever since she had let down her guard in front of Zheng Yi, she could never put that armor back on again. Once Zheng Yi knew of her pretense, her bravado, her softness, her insecurity and sensitivity—once Zheng Yi knew all her humble flaws and weaknesses, Yu Yinan became real in front of her, so real it seemed a little pressure could wound her.
And she wouldn't even try to dodge.
"Jiejie, why close your eyes?" Zheng Yi chuckled. "You'll make me think you want me to kiss you."
Whether it was from the tears or because Zheng Yi had wiped them too forcefully, the corner of Yu Yinan's eye was also tinged with a faint crimson.
When Zheng Yi said this, she opened her eyes in a slight panic. With unshed tears still glistening, her gaze met Zheng Yi's.
Yu Yinan was struggling.
Her eyes were so pure, Zheng Yi thought, even her longing and desire were completely innocent. As she looked over with those tear-filled eyes, all complex emotions vanished from her damp gaze, leaving only a desire Yu Yinan herself was unaware of. She longed for a kiss.
Yu Yinan longed for kisses, for hugs, for touch. She longed for love and to be loved.
"Don't… give me alms like this anymore." More tears slid from the corners of her eyes. Yu Yinan, mortified, tried desperately to wipe them away with the back of her hand. She shouldn't be like this. She should be more mature, more composed, more rational. At the very least, she shouldn't be so fragile and cry so easily like a child.
She should be the one protecting Zheng Yi, tolerating her, letting Zheng Yi rely on her…
A clean, soft handkerchief was offered to her. Zheng Yi watched the shift in Yu Yinan's emotions.
She actually refused.
"…Don't mind me. Just drive," Yu Yinan said, trying to control her sobs. She curled into a ball in the passenger seat and stopped looking at Zheng Yi. "I'll be fine in a moment."
Zheng Yi started the car again. She glanced at the map of Huikong; Yu Yinan hadn't had a chance to set a route yet. But it didn't matter. Aimlessly driving around the city was fine too.
[You're really just going to leave her be?] Now it was Zero One's turn to be dumbfounded. It glanced at Yu Yinan, who was looking out the window trying to compose herself, then at Zheng Yi, who was now genuinely focused on driving. The question marks in its head felt like they were about to overflow.
Zheng Yi ignored Zero One's question. She drove while observing the scenery outside, memorizing the street signs. The city of Huikong didn't seem very large. It didn't seem to have any particularly outstanding features before the apocalypse either, except for maybe an ancient town?
Being so close to Hangnu, the ability users here… she wondered what they were like. Tsk, in this apocalypse, a place like Pujie's Humanity's Light Shelter was truly a rarity.
A rarity in every sense of the word.
Yu Yinan finally calmed down. Faint, unwiped tear tracks still stained her face, and her eyes and the tip of her nose were still red. She just stared out the window, lost in thought.
Soon, the temperature inside the car began to change. Yu Yinan stuck one hand out the window, igniting a flame in the wind. With red-rimmed eyes, she stared at the flicker of fire, biting her lip slightly as she focused her mental energy, causing the flame to grow hotter and hotter.
A thin layer of ice spread along the car's body, protecting it.
Zheng Yi said nothing. Yu Yinan, however, lost focus for a moment, and the flame went out. She seemed to want to apologize to Zheng Yi, but the ice on the car grew thicker, even creeping up to the edge of the windows.
Yu Yinan lowered her gaze and silently raised her hand again. This time, she tried to form the flame outside the car. But Zheng Yi didn't stop or slow down. Even if Yu Yinan managed to conjure a flame for an instant, she couldn't make it move with the car. It would appear for a second, only to vanish again.
She wasn't focused enough.
Yu Yinan steadied herself and tried again and again.
Her mental energy was draining rapidly. This time, after just ten minutes of continuous attempts, a faint, sharp pain was already throbbing in her head. The more she focused, the more concentrated she was, the more detailed her demands on the flame, the greater the toll on her mind.
She could take a short break and continue after her energy recovered a little. But Yu Yinan was unwilling to give up. Zheng Yi could do it, so why couldn't she? This level of control, and she could only last for ten minutes, without a single success.
Without pausing, Yu Yinan continued to try.
She stubbornly stared at a single point outside the window. Even the rapidly receding background became a blur. There was only that point of fire, only that single point of light, flickering in and out of existence.
Zheng Yi did not stop the car.
She maintained her speed, driving aimlessly through the streets of Huikong as if she didn't care about fuel consumption at all.
She even brushed past other ability users, but instead of stopping, Zheng Yi stomped on the accelerator and sped away.
"Which asshole is setting people's clothes on fire! You just run after you do it, don't you? Stop if you've got the guts! Get out of the car!"
The shouts were left behind the car. Zheng Yi glanced at Yu Yinan. The woman seemed to have become deaf and blind to everything, entering an indescribable state.
Yes, an overloaded state.
The world in Yu Yinan's eyes slowly dimmed. It happened so slowly that she didn't even notice anything was wrong. She just stared at that point of fire, trying desperately to give it form. Gradually, Yu Yinan couldn't hear any sounds.
Not the sound of the wind on either side, not the engine of the car. She couldn't even hear her own heartbeat.
The tearing sensation in her soul grew more and more intense, but it was as if her entire being had split in two. One part endured the mental strain, nearly dying from the excruciating pain, while the other stubbornly stared at the flame, watching it dissipate and fail, over and over again.
Her flame.
This was her own, unique flame.
Who was she? She was Yu Yinan.
Ordinary, unremarkable, with so many flaws, she came from the world before the apocalypse.
She wanted to become stronger, to be powerful, to live with clarity and understanding, to have the strength to stand by her side. She wanted… to journey to the other side of the apocalypse.
In the darkness, that flickering flame finally solidified for an instant. It burned, no longer dissipating. One second, two seconds, three seconds…
Finally, Yu Yinan grasped it.
The entire world went completely black.
She passed out.
Comments
Post a Comment