EWRN - Chapter 68
Chapter 68: The Truth Revealed
Huo Jinyu was in her personal bedchamber on Baili Mountain when she suddenly heard the voice of Yan Xi—who was supposed to be far away in the Northern Kingdom, never to return. For a moment, her mind went completely blank.
Yan Xi pushed open the door. The bedchamber was mostly empty; there were no servants, nor was there the lively, sensual scene she might have imagined. Instead, a large screen had been placed in the sleeping area.
What a strange layout, Yan Xi wondered, her heart full of questions. Behind the screen, she could faintly make out the silhouette of a person. It had to be Huo Jinyu.
"Jinyu, what are you doing hiding behind that screen? Xi'er has come from so far away. Shouldn't you come out to greet me?" Yan Xi didn't go directly behind the screen. Instead, she chose a chair, sat down, and asked calmly.
Huo Jinyu was utterly mortified. She had been certain that no one on Baili Mountain would dare to barge into her private chambers. That was why she had dismissed the maids to be alone and do as she pleased.
How could she have possibly imagined that Yan Xi, of all people, would find her way to Baili Mountain? She wondered who had been bold enough to lead her here. If she ever found out, she would not let them off lightly!
But this was no time to worry about who had guided her. Right now, Xi'er was just on the other side of the screen. At any moment, she could step around it and discover her in a state of undress!
Huo Jinyu felt like an ant on a hot pan, overcome with anxiety. She couldn't bear to imagine the look on Xi'er's face if she saw her like this.
"Didn't Xi'er return to the Northern Kingdom? Why have you come back to the Great Yuan? You are no longer a Noble Consort of the Great Yuan. There is no need for you to return to this place of turmoil." Huo Jinyu feigned composure, dodging the question while her eyes darted around, hoping to find something useful. "You should go."
Yan Xi had barely warmed her seat before hearing Huo Jinyu's order to leave. A fire of indignation kindled in her heart.
"What are you saying, Jinyu? Did I, Yan Xi, travel a thousand li to your Great Yuan just to hear you chase me away?" Her voice was filled with discontent.
Huo Jinyu stood behind the screen, trapped. She couldn't finish undressing, nor could she get dressed. The screen was translucent, and she knew any movement would be clearly visible as a silhouette from the outside. Her mind raced, trying to find an excuse to send Yan Xi away, just for a moment.
"Xi'er, you've seen the box I gave you, haven't you? Why must you go to such lengths to find me on Baili Mountain?" A sharp pain lanced through Huo Jinyu's heart, and she suddenly felt it was hard to breathe. "There is nothing between us anymore. Why do these meaningless things?"
It was true. Nothing had ever happened between her and Yan Xi. There should never have been any connection between them. From beginning to end, their relationship was innocent. Moreover, nothing ever could happen.
"Huo Jinyu, do you truly not feel my affection for you at all?" Yan Xi stood up in anger. What did she mean, there was nothing between them anymore? This Huo Jinyu was truly a scoundrel. She was deeply in love with her, had traveled for days on end just to see her. She had thought Huo Jinyu felt the same, unable to eat or sleep, tormented by her absence. She had thought their longing was mutual. Was it all just her own wishful thinking?
Huo Jinyu was no fool, nor was she emotionally inept. They had spent months together; how could she not know of Yan Xi's sincere feelings for her? Even Huo Jinyu herself had long since fallen into the bewitching trap of love, unable to break free.
But Huo Jinyu also knew it was all a sham. She shouldn't hope for this hollow emotion, built on deceit and falsehood. Yan Xi was, after all, a normal woman. She was in love with Huo Jinyu in her male disguise. She loved a man, not the real Huo Jinyu. Yan Xi loved the empty shell she had created—a fake! A dead thing! Something that didn't exist!
"How could I not feel it? But I would rather not feel it!" Huo Jinyu's tone grew urgent, and her silhouette on the screen trembled slightly.
Yan Xi's heart felt as if it had been struck by a hammer, a dull, numbing ache spreading through her. What did she mean, she would rather not feel it?! Was her love so contemptible? So worthy of scorn? Yan Xi's face grew so cold it could have formed ice. She gritted her teeth in anger. This Huo Jinyu! Was she really trying to anger her to death?
After a moment of silence, Huo Jinyu's voice came from behind the screen again. "Truly, you should go. And never come back. You are still of pure body. You can find a good man, have a son or a daughter, and enjoy the bliss of children at your knee. That would be a wonderful thing." A trace of anguish could be heard in Huo Jinyu's voice.
Find a good man? Have a son or a daughter? How laughable! She, Yan Xi, had traveled a thousand li to pursue Huo Jinyu, and she had the heart to push her into another's arms, even telling her to have children with someone else?! It was absurd! Utterly absurd!
In that instant, Yan Xi felt like a complete joke.
The bedchamber fell silent, so quiet that only the faint sound of breathing could be heard.
Just moments ago, Yan Xi's mind had been clouded by anger. Now, in the silence, she calmed down and thought things through, only to realize something was wrong. Huo Jinyu was acting too strangely today, as if she were constantly picking fights and escalating the conflict. But why would she do that?
Yan Xi was clever. She quickly understood Huo Jinyu's intention. She was trying to provoke her, to make her leave in a fit of anger!
How could she! A bitter taste filled Yan Xi's mouth. Why on earth was Huo Jinyu trying every trick in the book to make her leave, to never see her again for the rest of her life?
"Jinyu, if something is wrong, you can tell me. Why must you push me away again and again?" After calming herself, Yan Xi felt she was thinking clearly again and spoke in a gentle, coaxing tone.
"What must I do, what must I say, for you to finally leave? Why must you dig for the bottom of it? I'm so tired." A hint of exhaustion laced Huo Jinyu's voice. "Wouldn't it be better to leave each other with beautiful memories?" Huo Jinyu finally admitted it. She had once had feelings for Yan Xi, but her voice was filled with helplessness.
Hearing this, the dying embers of hope in Yan Xi's heart rekindled. "Jinyu, what is it that you cannot say? Just say it. Stop trying to provoke me."
Seeing her little trick had been exposed, Huo Jinyu felt even more helpless. She had thought that even if they couldn't be together, they could at least have beautiful memories to look back on—to reminisce with fine wine under the moonlight. How wonderful that would be. But now, Yan Xi was determined to tear apart this beautiful memory with her own hands. She feared that after today, the memory would become a nightmare.
H Huo Jinyu sighed. She couldn't dare to imagine how Yan Xi would react—if she would go mad—upon learning that the person who had held her hand, embraced her, kissed her, and shared a bed with her was a woman.
Any normal person would find it unacceptable, right?
"Xi'er, a person who tells lies does not deserve to be forgiven," Huo Jinyu said in a low voice.
Sensing that Huo Jinyu was about to yield, Yan Xi quickly said, "Xi'er believes Jinyu has her reasons."
As her words fell, the person behind the screen moved. Yan Xi could see that her hair was unbound.
"Perhaps once you see me, your heart will finally be at peace." Huo Jinyu let out a long sigh and murmured, "But my heart is not."
Huo Jinyu missed Yan Xi just as much. Heaven knew how much she wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to share a bed with her. Every night without Yan Xi was an agony.
"I gave you a chance. I gave you a chance to leave. You were the one who wouldn't go," Huo Jinyu repeated in a low voice. You were the one who wouldn't go. She seemed almost possessed. Heedless of her disheveled clothes, she walked straight out.
Yan Xi didn't know about the countless thoughts that had flashed through Huo Jinyu's mind in that twisting, turning moment. She only saw the blurry silhouette behind the screen finally begin to move, stepping out one pace at a time.
A slender figure emerged from behind the screen. It was a woman. Her long, dark hair cascaded down, a few strands resting on her chest. Her fragrant shoulders were half-exposed, her bosom full and beautifully curved. Her waist was slender enough to be encircled by a single grasp, and her legs were long and graceful. She wore a light, white gauze ruqun, clearly thrown on in a hurry, but it created a unique kind of beauty.
Dark hair fell across her face. The beauty's eyes were like autumn pools, her skin like cream. She bit her vermilion lip with her shell-white teeth, a picture so lovely it seemed a single glance could make flowers bloom. But from the corners of this beauty's eyes, two clear tears trickled down.
The person who walked out from behind the screen was so beautiful that Yan Xi was frozen to the spot. At first glance, she didn't recognize her, but at the second, she saw it clearly. The owner of this familiar face was none other than Huo Jinyu!
Yan Xi stood there, stunned. Her brain ceased to function. This time, she was truly, utterly, and completely shocked.
Not in her wildest dreams could she have imagined that the secret Huo Jinyu was so unwilling to speak of was this.
Yan Xi seemed to have lost the ability to speak. After a long while, she finally recovered. "You… you are…"
"It's me." The familiar voice came from the beauty before her. Huo Jinyu stepped forward, closing the distance to Yan Xi. "Xi'er, this is the monstrous lie I have been telling all along. This is what I was never willing to tell you. Xi'er, this is me. This is the real me. This is the true face of Huo Jinyu!"
Yan Xi unconsciously took a step back. That single small step stabbed deep into Huo Jinyu's heart.
"Xi'er, are you afraid of me? Or do you despise me?" Huo Jinyu pressed forward relentlessly. Yan Xi retreated step by step, the pressure from Huo Jinyu so intense she felt she was about to fall.
Yan Xi looked at the exquisite features before her and saw that they were filled with nothing but pain. Her own heart clenched in response.
Suddenly, Yan Xi bumped into a pillar. She could retreat no further.
"Xi'er, do you know how much pain I'm in? I have always been in pain." Huo Jinyu leaned close to Yan Xi and whispered, "I gave you a chance. I told you to go, but you wouldn't. Do you know how much my heart aches?"
"My heart delights in a person. Her beauty, her charm, her gentleness, all her kindness towards me… everything about her moves me. Her every action, her every frown and smile, even her breathing makes my heart race. And the culprit is you, my Xi'er."
"Countless times I told myself to be calm, but the moment I see you, I burn with a fever I cannot control. Only later did I understand that this is what it feels like to fall in love."
"Xi'er, the Huo Jinyu you love is just a fake shell, a false existence. That Huo Jinyu is long dead!"
"Do you regret it now? Are you afraid? Are you angry? I'm the one who has been deceiving you all along. I am a woman, a genuine, bona fide woman. Huo Jinyu was never a man. She cannot give you what you want. She cannot give you children, cannot give you a future. She, Huo Jinyu, is a liar."
"Xi'er, why did you have to stay and tear off my hypocritical mask? If you had just left and never returned, if you hadn't forced me to reveal my secret, perhaps we could have kept some beautiful memories. I was afraid I would scare you, Xi'er."
As Huo Jinyu spoke, her voice grew softer. She stared fixedly into Yan Xi's eyes, where she could see her own reflection.
"Look," Huo Jinyu said suddenly. "I am still in Xi'er's eyes."
Yan Xi had been silent the entire time, listening to Huo Jinyu's monologue and hearing the immense helplessness within it.
Yan Xi looked directly into Huo Jinyu's deep eyes. "The Huo Jinyu I know is a living person. She is not dead. She is gentle, she is kind, she is beautiful. She captivates my heart every moment of every day. I love her warm hands, her warm embrace, her thoughtfulness. I love everything about her. I remember her eyes and brows most clearly of all. Even if she changed her gender, I would never forget her."
Huo Jinyu suddenly reached out, took Yan Xi's left hand, and placed it on her own chest. "But I am a woman."
Yan Xi raised her right hand and gently stroked Huo Jinyu's head. "But the one my heart delights in is Huo Jinyu," she said softly. "She is not someone else, not a fake person. She is you. You are you. Whether you are a man or a woman, I do not care. Because I love you, not your gender."
With a gentle press of her right hand, Yan Xi guided Huo Jinyu's head down slightly and leaned in to kiss her on the lips.
Huo Jinyu's eyes widened in surprise, as if she never expected Yan Xi to think, or say, such a thing.
Huo Jinyu closed her eyes, savoring the soft touch on her lips. A tingling sensation exploded from the back of her head and spread through her entire body.
Yan Xi parted her lips slightly, her tender pink tongue gently touching Huo Jinyu's, sweeping lightly between them. Sensing this, Huo Jinyu also parted her lips. Their tongues met, a completely new sensation.
Yan Xi's left hand moved, brushing against Huo Jinyu's chest and pressing gently. Huo Jinyu felt an overwhelming, numbing tingle she had never experienced before shoot from her chest to every corner of her body. It was the first time anyone had ever touched her there. Her legs went weak, and she collapsed against Yan Xi. The soft warmth of their bodies met, and both of them trembled. Yan Xi wrapped her arms around Huo Jinyu, deepening the kiss.
Her hands roamed over Huo Jinyu's back, and Huo Jinyu, in turn, wrapped her arms around Yan Xi's waist. For a moment, both were lost in a haze of passion.
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