Against the Light - Chapter 1
Chapter 1: Audacious Words
Gu Xinran had that dream again.
In the dream, a girl with a face as pale as paper sat on the edge of her bed. In her hand, she clutched a shard of white porcelain that glinted with a cold, sinister light, and she slowly drew it across her left wrist.
The sharp edge sank into her skin, and crimson blood instantly gushed out, trickling down her wrist.
She lay down calmly on the bed, her right arm holding a brand-new piece of clothing she had just finished making. A smile touched her lips as she serenely welcomed the arrival of death.
Countless times, Gu Xinran struggled to save her, but it was as if an invisible barrier stood between them. She could only watch helplessly—watch as the girl's face grew paler, watch as the white bedsheets were stained red by her warm blood, watch the pool of blood gradually form on the floor, watch her arm fall limp over the side of the bed, watch her breath and heartbeat slowly cease.
There was nothing she could do.
That year, she was twenty-eight, and Yilan was thirty.
Right after losing Yilan, she had thrown herself into a river to end her life, but someone had saved her. She spent seven or eight days alone in the mountains, on the verge of death, only to be discovered by a passing hiker. Later, she came to a realization: perhaps Yilan didn't want her to follow, perhaps Yilan wanted her to live, and that was why she had been miraculously saved twice.
So, she became a recluse on Kema Mountain, far from the noise and strife of the world. She watched over Yilan's cenotaph and, on the mountaintop, cultivated a sea of flowers for her—her favorite, the Cold Orchid.
Cold Orchids only grow in cold places. In the dead of winter, while other families gathered under bright lights to celebrate the new year, she was alone in the flower garden, trimming branches and clearing away snow. Her fair, jade-like hands were frozen red and purple, swollen and chapped, covered in layer after layer of calluses.
In the summer, while others stayed home with their air conditioning to escape the scorching sun, she carried a basket on her back, digging soil from the foot of the mountain and hauling it, basket by basket, to the summit. Her once-straight back was bent and stooped, her porcelain-white skin became dark and rough, the back of her neck was sunburnt raw, and her shoulders slumped, marked by two deep indentations from the straps.
When the wooden house she lived in was struck by lightning and caught fire, everyone considered her lucky for not being inside. But she rushed into the sea of flames like a madwoman. When she was pulled out, she had burns all over her body, and she was still tightly clutching a scrap of cloth.
A palm-sized burn was seared onto her beautiful cheek, and her ethereal voice became hoarse and unpleasant. She accepted all of this in silence.
But when she saw that the piece of clothing Yilan had left for her had been burned to a single scrap, she knelt before the cenotaph and wailed. She tried to press the scrap against her body, but it wouldn't stick. The clothes Yilan had left her were gone. She had never worn them, not even once, and now she never could. Just like her Yilan, who was never coming back.
She had no choice but to finally accept this reality.
Her Yilan had left her for good.
That year, she was thirty-three, and Yilan was thirty.
"Doctor, is there really nothing that can be done?"
"For her body to have held on this long is already a miracle. The family should prepare themselves."
The sound of soft sobs reached her ears. Gu Xinran struggled to peel her eyelids open, gazing at the blurry figures.
Fang Yi, Su Yu, Lu Qing… Lin Yuqing. She identified them one by one with great difficulty. These best friends of hers had all come to see her off.
And Xiao Ye, her daughter. Her and Yilan's daughter.
She looked so much like Yilan, so much that Gu Xinran barely dared to look at her.
In her peripheral vision, she saw another figure beside Xiao Ye, wearing a white dress, looking at her with a serene smile, a new set of clothes in her arms.
Gu Xinran's eyes slowly widened.
"Yilan…"
"What is she saying?" someone asked.
"Yilan," someone answered.
"Mom… Mommy…" Bai Ye knelt by the bed, grabbing her hand and pressing it to her own cheek.
She stretched her lips into a smile, and then, the smile froze.
On this day, she was sixty-eight, and Yilan was thirty.
She had walked to the end of her life all alone, guarding Yilan's cenotaph for forty full years—fourteen thousand, six hundred days. Every single day was an agony, yet not for a single moment did she ever give up the love in her heart.
The shouts of the crowd gradually faded into the distance as Yilan's figure grew clearer.
Gu Xinran got up and walked over, surprised to find her body felt incredibly light. The burns on her arms were gone, and so were the ones on her face! Her hair was black again, her vision was clear, her hearing had improved, and her body was no longer stooped. The torment of illness was gone! She too was wearing a white dress, her skin as fair and smooth as snow. It was as if she had returned to her most beautiful time, to the day she first met Yilan.
She slowly approached, her hands trembling as she reached for Yilan's. She held Yilan's wrist with both hands, as if cradling a precious treasure.
On that wrist, the cut was clearly visible, terrifyingly stark.
Gu Xinran suppressed a sob in her throat as scalding tears streamed down her face.
Only after Yilan's death did she learn that, when she wasn't home, mobs would throw bricks at their house, smash their windows, and splash ink on their walls. They would knock on the door every night, giving her no peace. Sometimes, just as she had fallen asleep, someone would start pounding on the door. Terrified, she would hide under the bed, trembling, all while holding their child and telling her not to be afraid, that Mommy was there.
She would go out in a clean white dress, only to return covered in mud, utterly disheveled. It got to the point where she was afraid to go out, afraid to see people, and eventually, afraid to even leave her room.
She had never hurt anyone, yet she was met with malice from everyone, wounded so deeply!
The thought of the treasure she had held in her palm and cherished in her heart being so casually bullied and trampled by others made Gu Xinran's own heart feel as if it were being sliced inch by inch with a blunt knife, the pain making her tremble.
She was almost sobbing uncontrollably, but the Yilan before her simply smiled faintly, serene and beautiful.
Gu Xinran wanted to hug her. She had just taken two steps forward when a powerful suction force pulled at her from behind! With Yilan so close, she struggled with all her might, but she couldn't overcome that force. She could only watch helplessly as the scenery around her rushed backward, and she grew farther and farther away from everyone.
Is this what death is?
As she regained a sliver of consciousness, she smelled the familiar scent of disinfectant. She curled her fingers slightly and was shocked to find she could still move!
Slowly opening her eyes, she saw a hospital room, identical to the one she had just died in. Even the fruit basket on the table was the same. The only difference was that the dear friends who had surrounded her were gone. The room was empty, feeling exceptionally cold and desolate.
Gu Xinran's heart sank, and her brow furrowed slightly. She… didn't die? But something felt a little off.
After staring blankly for a full half-minute, she was jolted back to reality. Placing her left hand over her chest, she could clearly feel a strong, beating heart!
She had distinctly felt her heartbeat coming to a stop, and even the doctors had given up on resuscitating her. But now she was alive again?
Just as she was thinking, the door opened. She turned her head to look and was stunned once more.
The person who entered was a woman who looked to be around thirty, dressed in a sharp, black, tailored women's suit, her long hair tied up in a very capable manner.
She studied the woman's face, certain she had never seen her before, yet a name inexplicably popped into her head.
"Qu Qi?"
"You're awake? If you're awake, then hurry up and go apologize to Luo Bing."
Apol… apologize?
???
Qu Qi pulled out a chair and sat down, looking at her with displeasure. "Gu Xinran, you're twenty-four now. Can you please use your brain before you do things?"
Twen… twenty-four?
"Do you still think you're that popular idol, that top-tier star? Wake up. Take a good look at yourself. You can't act, you sing off-key, and you even get into fights on variety shows. Do you even want to make it in this industry anymore? Forget the industry, you're about to be kicked out of the company, you know that?"
Seeing Gu Xinran's blank expression, Qu Qi became even more incensed.
"Here, let me find you a mirror. Take a look at yourself. The word 'loser' is written all over your face!" Qu Qi took a small square mirror from her bag, held it up in front of her, shook it twice, and then tossed it onto her.
Gu Xinran blinked and swallowed. She had a faint feeling that she had…
She picked up the mirror and looked, which only confirmed her suspicion!
Reflected in the mirror was a delicate face with a rosy complexion and clear, firm skin. There were no wrinkles, no sagging! Her hair was as black as ink, and the scar from the fire on her left cheek was gone! The burns on her arms were gone too!
She stared at herself in the mirror again. This was clearly her face, but why…
"Look, look. Besides a pretty face, what else do you have left!" Qu Qi snatched the mirror back, glaring at her irritably.
"I…" She tried to speak. Her voice was no longer hoarse and unpleasant.
She tried to sit up. Her body felt incredibly light, not at all like the constant powerlessness she had felt before.
She took another deep breath, silently swallowed, and slowly lay back down, still not quite used to this vibrant, young body.
"Didn't you hear me tell you to get up?" Qu Qi stood and yanked her blanket off, thoroughly annoyed.
"…" Gu Xinran stared at her with wide eyes, feeling like she might need to go back to sleep for a bit.
"Hah, you cause trouble and then hide in your shell like a turtle. No guts, no ability. No wonder your wife divorced you. And you go looking for trouble with Luo Bing? What, you can't stand seeing her pursue your ex-wife? Then why don't you compete with her fair and square? You think hitting someone is a skill?" After her tirade, Qu Qi still didn't feel any better. With a look of utter exasperation, she turned and left the room.
?
Wife?
Divorce??
Ex… ex-wife???
What were these audacious words?
Gu Xinran was stunned for a long moment. She decisively closed her eyes and secretly felt her chest under the blanket. She was a woman.
When she was twenty-four, shouldn't a woman marrying another woman have been the ultimate taboo? Shouldn't they have been nailed to a pillar of shame for all eternity? How could she say it so directly, making it sound as casual as asking what you had for lunch today?
She felt that what she needed now wasn't to go back to sleep for a bit, but to die one more time.
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